Padre Pio Da Pietrelcina, staff reporter for Divine Right Magazine, interviewed Cleveland housewife and Hypnotherapist, Felicity Duprix, at the Go Ask Alice Hair Salon and Dinner Theater in Manhattan’s Middle West Side. She was there to promote her bestselling self-help book, Sleep Walking Though Life.
Padre Pio: I am here on this October day with Felicity Duprix. How to describe her?
Felicity: A charred ember of womanhood, ravished by beauty.
Padre Pio: Tell us how you discovered sleepwalking as a treatment for Ennui.
Felicity: On the eve of the Feast of St. Armistead, Daughter of St. Christopher of Isherwood, Father of St. Patty of Hearst
Padre Pio: Bless her
Felicity: I received an urgent letter from my Sister, Monique. It said: Fellow Democrat! It is time to end large deficits! Monique was active in the Republican Underground.
Padre Pio: You were close to your Sister.
Felicity: Like two pods in a pail.
Padre Pio: So the two of you attended the seminary.
Felicity: I had the spirit but lacked the flesh. Monique was always better at marketing. After everyone had seen her secret places she continued to sell them as secret.
Padre Pio: Men rise to imagination’s occasions. About your first marriage..?
Felicity: Ah! As if God had cast all of Heaven’s Angels to Earth as a storm!
Padre Pio: He was a passionate man?
Felicity: He was OK.
Padre Pio: You describe him as a Shaman in your book.
Felicity: He had flaming red hair worn in a mane to his ankles. He wore necklaces of crystals and bull testicles.
Padre Pio: I take it you loved him.
Felicity: He was the most magnificent dentist in Cleveland!
Padre Pio: Tell how you met.
Felicity: It was the Spring of 1964. The Market fell like pistols and the price of chocolate was mighty high. My Sister and I were forced into beastly positions for the occasional truffle. Monique become an expert but the loss of my purity drove me insane. I heard the voice of God through the barred windows of the asylum. Felicity, he whispered, the sins of the World do not belong to you, oh no…they belong to humanity.
Padre Pio: And later…?
Felicity: My Sister emigrated to the United States and became a housewife to a GP in Flint Michigan. I was under the spell of Monique’s suburban dream as I crossed the Atlantic in the belly of the Queen Elizabeth. As a Jonah in the belly of a the royal whale.
Padre Pio: Tell us about your relationship with God.
Felicity: As a child I saw eyes through the holes in the walls of my bedroom. They were God’s eyes.
Padre Pio: What did you think God was?
Felicity: A giant puff of smoke that seeped into everything.
Padre Pio Did that make you uncomfortable?
Felicity: I resented his scent.
Padre Pio: What did you do?
Felicity: I decided that he didn’t exist.
Padre Pio: Did he stop watching?
Felicity: No. But I ignored him?
Padre Pio: How?
Felicity: I Had sex. Lots of it. I spent all of my time looking for sex and when I couldn’t find it I felt unworthy.
Padre Pio: Of what?
Felicity: Of my right to be alive!
Padre Pio: Is that what you believed?
Felicity: I wanted to belong.
Padre Pio: You describe the need to belong as a need to impose conformity?
Felicity: We collectively make personal choices. If we decide to behave like a herd of beasts we tell ourselves that we are beasts and nothing more. If we decide to behave destructively we tell ourselves that what we do is of no consequence or that what we’ve done was not of our will but theirs.
Padre Pio: And if we if we decide to behave like God?
Felicity: That takes emotional insight and will.
Padre Pio: Were you at Woodstock?
Felicity: Yes! I thought something wonderful had happened.
Padre Pio: And 46 years later?
Felicity: The children of the middle class were slumming. Many of them have voted their children into those slums. Ironic, no?
Padre Pio: People argue that they grew up and joined the system?
Felicity: A system of lies called manners.
Padre Pio: Clarify please.
Felicity: The poor are locked into poverty by an elaborate code of complex rituals and laws!
Padre Pio: It sounds as if you wish you had been born rich, or privy to the code.
Felicity: I don’t support laws that make it illegal for people to be alive.
Padre Pio: You mention homelessness in your book.
Felicity: I recommend my readers imagine what someone else might do to help and to expect that someone else will do it. The book is about adapting to life in an unacceptable culture.
Padre Pio: Are you adapted?
Felicity: I am a nearly invisible speck in the moment. My voice is lost in the silence of complicity.
Padre Pio: What do you say to people who call your ideas old-fashioned?
Felicity: Robert Kennedy said that he saw things as they could be and asked why not? There are people who hate that a truly moral vision and want it forgotten.
Padre Pio: Have you ever been told to grow up?
Felicity: To a dull and selfish adulthood?
Padre Pio: Is it adulthood that is selfish or is it the way we define adulthood?
Felicity: I do not define adulthood as the loss of respect for human life. By life I mean those of us who are born.
Padre Pio: Have you ever been called a hypocrite?
Felicity: At times, I am. Do we only uphold principles that we can easily achieve?
Padre Pio: Is there anything you want to say about your book before we close?
Felicity: Read it before you go to sleep.
Padre Pio: Thank you for your time, Ms. Duprix