Photograph of a virtual reality avatar called 'A Hint of Mint'

A Hint of Mint

This old life seemed much too long
With little point in going on
I couldn’t think of what to say
Words just vanished in the haze
I was feeling cold and tired
Yeah kinda sad and uninspired
But when it almost seemed too much
I see your face
And sense the grace
And feel the magic in your touch

Lyrics Freak

Thompson TwinsLay Your Hands On Me

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12 thoughts on “A Hint of Mint

    1. It’s an avatar…it represents an aspect of me…and it looks very close to the way I looked at the age of thirty-of course not exactly.

      Avatars look like pretty corpses to me.

      You’ve piqued my curiosity: why do you ask?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes a lot of avatars do. I thought it might be a self portrait. It would give me an idea of what you looked like. How old are you if I may ask? Don’t feel you have to answer that.

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      2. While in therapy today I “spaced” out and came back to hear my therapist say: “You just said, ‘When you were 25, eight years ago.’ who is this?”

        I had no memory of saying that but I do know which part of me thinks he is in his thirties.

        It is an odd thing to have several different versions of reality spinning around in my head.

        I know how old I am but I’m not sure how old that actually is…

        if that makes sense.

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      3. You have had a very unusual life. How difficult it must have been for you. I know you may have heard this before, but have you thought of writing a book? Of course I’ve heard of this but never “talked” to anyone who experienced it. Do you know your alters? Do you communicate? I apologize if I’m getting to personal. I’m only trying to understand what it is like to be you.

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      4. I am not offended.

        I welcome honest questions.

        I often do not know what I think until someone asks me.

        Some of my alternates communicate with each other.

        A year ago, I found a stash of writing; some of it included letters written by my
        alternates to each other.
        I know that “Bobby” considers “Sara” a friend and protector.
        I have a close friend who “came out” to me about her DID last year.
        We were talking about the oddness of being “old” but not knowing how old…
        When I said, “I know how old I am but I don’t know how old that’s supposed to be…” She said, “oh
        yes…it feels strange.”

        We know how old we are but don’t really know what the number means in terms of who we are.
        Largely I’m closed off from my alternates. I can hear them at times…sometimes I can hear them speak to each other. People with DID have a kind of built in Virtual Reality which may be why I adapted so readily to Second Life when I discovered it.

        As for writing this as a book, I don’t know where to begin…I would do it if I could find a decent and trustworthy collaborator.

        Please feel free to ask me questions.

        RG

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      5. I know how difficult the process has been through life to understand myself and why I am the way I am, basing living today with the consequences of the the causes I’ve made in my life, also meaning that anything beyond today will be the effects of what I do today, which is the life philosophy of Nichiren Buddhism, different from the Buddhism of the Dalai lama most reported in the media. I started studying this nearly the decades ago and has helped me understand ONE self. How could anyone possibly understand when you have more than one self who are seeing forth causes in your life you aren’t even aware of? That is quite a dilemma. From what you say, you accepted you as being you instead of falling into the thinking somehow you could be fixed to be “normal”. As individuals there ARE things we CAN change, very a lot of sincere effort effort – how we react to life – emotional responses to our environment that perpetuate negativity – having no doubt vs doubt about what we can accomplish that affects the outcome of what we want, but how to do that when you can’t really understand what all of you wants? How does religion play out in your thinking?

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      6. I studied and practiced Nichiren Buddhism for awhile.

        For some people it is perfect.

        I don’t expect myself to stop being fragmented though mty therapist seems to think I can integrate.

        It is true that recently I have times when I “feel” alone.

        That’s unusual because I never “feel” alone.

        I do know that when my younger alternates are frightened they pull inward and bring the system in with them…

        This often feels as if my brain has gone silent.

        My faith is my core…all of my alternates believe that life is magic and that we are here to learn how to love…

        In some ways that is childlike…

        So I guess that belief is a function of the child who invented the rest of us.

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      7. That is interesting. I don’t find many who know about Nichiren Buddhism although there are several million in the US alone. Most people are more aware of the Dalai Lama. But nowhere, unlike some religions, does it say it is the only way to achieve happiness or to make sense of your life. It does make you more responsible for your life instead of letting you think it was something outside yourself who was in control of your “plan”. I didn’t like thinking something else had my life planned out for me.

        I led a life where I allowed myself a few too many indulgences and thought that even though I managed to get out of it and put my life together I couldn’t escape the consequences of my actions. I wondered, though, why I never questioned the desire to do drugs. It’s like I always knew. No one made me or even tried to convince me. It was an experience I had to go through to learn the things I know today and allows me to be more compassionate of others and have a desire to help people and not be judgmental. I have a curiosity to learn and a strong desire to teach from a very young child. NB helped me make sense of my causes and effects. Although the premise seems simple enough – make better causes and get better effects – it’s been hard to react to the things that happen in life my way in a different way than my nature pulls me to react. Parts of our nature are hardwired to respond in certain ways and there is so much resistance to change. it’s a life long challenge. I know that I understand more and have made changes in my life that otherwise I wouldn’t have if I never studied and tried to continually put it into practice. The neat thing is my mother, age 82, also practices ND so our ability to talk about things in our lives is far deeper than the lighter conversations one usually has with family members. I am very fortunate to have that kind of relationship with her where there are no smokescreens or deceptions. I think, because of drugs, had I not stopped when I did when I started studying 28 yrs ago, I wouldn’t be around today. But then, I haven’t really stopped. Now, my health gave me enough medical reasons that it went from street drugs to prescription, although the “partying” aspect is long gone, and my usage is but a fraction of what it was. Now, if one person finds it is difficult to understand this and make changes, it’s hard to imagine if there were more than one person inside to deal with. But each person has to find their own way to make sense of things, be it religion or any other way, without anyone else telling them they are wrong.

        I like the thought that life is magic. We should never lose the childlike wonder of endless possibilities. Mine starts at night when I go to sleep. i am a heavy dreamer and wake every morning out of a dream. Even during the day, if I close my eyes for more than a few seconds I very often go into what I call “mini dreams”. I leave and go elsewhere and experience a completely different reality in the space of seconds. Some days it might happen a dozen or more times a day. I write some of them down. I made a post a while back on my Watch and Whirl blog blog called ‘Mini Dreams” and write about one I had a few minutes prior. If i am tired I have to be careful because it happens more frequently and if I’m driving and close my eyes at a traffic light I sometimes get disoriented.

        It was a child who invented the rest? Was it at a certain point in your life? Do they age?

        I don’t know about other people, but I do have long running conversations with myself and sometimes it is hard to shut off. It’s like a reel that keeps playing over and over.

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      8. I discovered Nichiren Shoshu when I was 16. I chanted for a couple of years. Dissociative Identity Disorder is a childhood onset illness…it starts between the ages of three and four and is the most extreme of the symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

        So the first split is really the only true split. The rest of fragments of fragments.

        They don’t age. They see each other as they were when they were ‘born”…

        Some 0f them have different memories and biographies…

        It is an extremely difficult illness to come to terms with. It is also hard on family and friends because it’s not as obvious as it’s made to look in the media…

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