I cried even when I didn’t know why she was crying.
I meet my Mother everywhere.
My involvement with narcissists is a clinical symptom called “traumatic replication” and of all the damage my Mother did to me, this need to
recreate my sick relationship with her is the worst.
Thanks to therapy I’ve learned how to tell these emotional vampires to move on.
These are the five things you can expect a narcissist to do when you tell him or her to move on:
Online this breach of boundaries can look like excessive admiration.
Or it can be creating a new account in the hope of conning me into
another relationship.
Or it can mean taking over a portion of one of my social media accounts.
Never trust anyone with the keys to any of your social media accounts.
Smear Campaigns
When the two of you first met you were the golden boy, an angel, a man of
intellect and gifts.
Now you are shit and everyone needs to know; especially other narcissists who also hate you because you might actually have a knack for doing something they can’t do.
My Mother convinced me that my Father was “the enemy.”
As a child, I blamed my Father for all of my suffering.
My Father was slow.
My Father was stupid.
My Father was the reason we were broke; not my Mother’s use of
credit cards as free money.
I hated my Father because my Mother told me to.
I’ve yet to discover what my real feelings for him are and suspect that I have none because so much of my Mother’s emotional life became mine by default.
In life a triangulation telling people I don’t know about my “tragic” mental state complete with outright lies about violent rages.
Online it takes the form of telling people who don’t know me a story of
half-truths and innuendo.
The Vampire is a predator corpse whose ‘existence’ requires the living.
In the jargon of substance abuse treatment, this is ‘codependency.’
The co-dependent lives to suffer from the addict he or she enables.
Certainly, addicts and narcissists share much in common.
However, a man or a woman in the full bloom of an addiction simply lacks the organizational skill to manipulate other people into participating in a campaign of harassment and intimidation.
The goal of the narcissist is to destroy anyone who becomes a potential source of shame.
In life, this can be contacting a potential property owner who is about to rent to you and fabricating a destructive lie, with the help of a ‘friend’ who is vulnerable to triangulation.
Online this often involves initiating a whisper campaign designed to cause people to drop you as a contact.
The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is ignore him.
Once you’ve set your boundaries and have proven that you can keep them you can expect an inevitable tirade of accusations designed to make you feel uncertain of yourself, and flawed.
If that doesn’t work they use a tactic called hoovering.
The narcissist is fueled by an arrogant sense of entitlement.
You’re not supposed to mean ‘no’ when you say it.
In life, hoovering is as simple as complaining that he tried to reach you yesterday because he felt ill, but fortunately, he was able to find someone who isn’t so “shut-down.”
Online it can be inciting a flying monkey to send you an email bomb.
The Name of the Game is Shame
The narcissist will do everything in his power to shame you into submission.
Yes, I’m bad about tracking and responding to email.
Yes, it appears inconsiderate and flaky.
Yes, it’s hard to take someone who doesn’t answer his email seriously.
Email wasn’t a problem until I began to blog.
Most of my contacts before I started my blog were on Flickr and Flickr has an internal email system.
To add to the confusion; my alternates have their own email accounts.
I’ve created a single email account specifically for my contacts on WordPress. I will check this account daily and do my best to respond quickly to my email.
I apologize to everyone who has sent me an email to which I have not replied or to which I have not replied to on time.