Coping with DID and Cyber Stalking

Shadow Play
                           Imagine that you belong to a large family that live in a bath tub

When I first saw the post by Sara this morning I flipped out. I had no memory of writing it and I was uncomfortable with her anger.

I was especially uncomfortable with that part of her writing that seemed to ridicule.

I had a long session with my therapist today and a long chat with a lifelong friend who also has DID.

Both of them pointed out that I am being stalked by at least three people.

Both of them pointed out that the email and comments I’ve received are not only intrusive but designed to provoke me into behaving irrationally.

Both of them pointed out that Sara’s response is proper for a Mother who is protective of her children.

And last, both pointed out that I owe no consideration at all to people who are intrusive, one of them actively engaged in behaviors that she knows will produce a trigger response because I was foolish enough to trust her with information that left my entire system vulnerable.

 Sara is responding to behavior that I was unable to name.

People who show up in private virtual space uninvited and for no other reason than to provoke fear and shame are stalkers.

Sara saw this. I didn’t.

Given that DID is my primary strategy for coping with stress and given the fact that I write so openly about it, anyone who decides to play mind games with me must answer why?

Why are you going out of your way to psychologically stress a man when you know he is struggling with a mental illness?

What kind of person are you?

It is true that I am being stalked.

I logged in to my Second Life account to find that someone had dumped enough virtual material onto my virtual studio that I could barely use it.

I won’t go into the technical details of CPU times but the result was that I had to remove these items to use my studio.

This is a form of stalking; especially when she is running around telling people the lie that I locked her out of my studio for no reason at all.

Why is this woman stalking me and why does she need to create this drama in my life?

I open my email to find photographs of second life avatars having sex, one of them in bondage, and one of which looks like a child.

Why is this woman playing games with my abuse history?

I log into Face book to find myself besieged by guilt tripping apologies from someone I do not remember friending and who I am not so sure I want to friend.

I log into Flickr mail to find a series of nasty accusations that I am stealing public art.

Why does this man who knows that all public art is also public domain and who knows that I have memory problems working to confuse and berate me.

My inability to see these actions as signs of danger to my psyche resulted in a rage response from a Sara.

I can see now that Sara’s response was appropriate.

Such people really are a stain in the cathedral of the mind.

Cyber stalking is the use of electronic communications such as e-mail for harassment, intimidation and psychological abuse.

A cyber-stalker focuses on a specific person, whom the cyber stalker contacts with messages that are often covertly demeaning but can be aggressively hostile.

How do you know when you are being stalked?

“You get email from some one after you have already told that person you don’t want to correspond with  them. The person basically ignores you and repeatedly sends you email.”

I’ve received almost an email a day from one person after I told her that I wanted a break.

“The stalker doesn’t stop . They are constantly at you regardless of what is going on. They can also be super nice to you and offer to help you or demeaning and hostile. The point is that they don’t stop.”

The stalker invites everything I post to Flickr into every Flickr group that she moderates regardless of the theme or quality of the work even though I’ve asked her to stop. It also causes other members to think she is one of my alternates.

“They show an intense interest in you. They ask you personal questions, trying to elicit personal facts about your private life.”

I expect people to ask me about DID and to be curious about it from a clinical perspective, but that is not the same as posing as someone with a mental illness to gain sympathy and trust and then using that trust to try to discover information about my sexuality, my gender identity or to imply that my DID is not real. Sara picked up on this in another communication, again because the ‘little one’s” sensed that something was wrong.

Harassment: Repeatedly sending offensive, rude, and insulting messages.

“In the past two weeks I’ve received three messages from a guy on Flickr that essentially call me names: I’m a jerk, I’m a thief, and I’m a liar. He has made these accusations against me to other Flickr members.

Exhibit A
“Hi Rob. You should know that I think your a Jerk. You put murals, that are created by other SF artists, you put them on your flickr page and pass them off as your own. But what REALLLY infuriates me is that you put photos of these murals on your own website and say that they are your own. Your a FAKE!”

Starting rumors or spreading gossip online.

All three of these people have gone out of their way to spread lies. The person who sends me the porn is upset because I won’t let her Second Life “art” into my art groups — well, because it’s not art. Her lie is that I’m an elitist who is jealous because of my lack of fame in Second Life.

I don’t really understand how being famous in Second Life counts as fame at all but I suppose its is incidental to those who pursue it. I find the culture in Second Life decadent and absurd so this rumor means nothing to me. But I did not know that the sight of her pornographic images affected my child alternates as badly as they do. Especially the images that seem to include avatars that look like children.

The woman who stalks me in SL, Flickr and WordPress leaves off topic statements in the comments section of some of my WordPress posts. This was a comment made to my post of Martin Luther King which I called, ‘This is what a Christian Looks Like”:

exibit b

“Try again, Rob, and if you don’t want to post that comment, scratch it but, to try means to fail, to succeed means you kept trying. Have a good day, Rob and remember it’s not all high prominent Christians, there are many many people out there who speak out. (because you titled the post on Flickr that way) If you need to explain this comment, so be it. Anyone wants me to explain it cuz they take offense so be it, too.”

Try what again? The post is of a picture of Dr. Martin Luther King who was a Christian and laid down his life for his principles. The idea was understood by everyone who read it. The text was nothing more than a biography that I got from wiki. Why leave a comment if you don’t want a discussion? Why should I have to explain her comment? Why assume that people will take offense unless being offensive is your goal? This kind of comment is designed to draw attention to the self. The idea is to subvert the post and make her digression the focus of discussion. To restate the closing line: If my off topic comment pisses people off well so be it because my goal is to hijack your post.

If you don’t know what a ‘prim’ or a ‘scripted’ object is consider yourself lucky. In Second Life too many of these things compromise computer performance by eating up CPU time.  When she dumped 500 prims worth of scripted objects into my virtual studio she essentially made a mess and forced me to clean it up. My therapist thinks that she is behaving provocatively to make me react in a way that looks ‘crazy’ which will make her look like a victim. This is a typical strategy of the narcissist. Lie, react badly when caught in a lie, provoke the target to make the lie real and go back to lying.

Facebook has the worst reputation of all social media sites for trolling and cyber bullies.

I find it telling that I’ve only been a member for a few weeks and I’m all ready dealing with hysterical drama from someone who is both attacking and apologetic.

I think that this was the last straw for my ‘kids’.

The amount of email that I received that contained guilt tripping friend requests combined with the suspicious undertones of hostility was what finally resulted in Sara’s decision to take over and protect.

I started the day in shame over Sara’s post, but thanks to my therapist and one of my best friends I now understand that she did what was best…and that she did it in a way that let me know that I must stay aware of my illness in every decision that I make…especially when it comes to my relationships online.

As it is, it only takes one lie, one rumor, one unprovoked attack to lose my trust forever.

I suppose Sara’s point is that simply ignoring unprovoked attacks still leaves the most vulnerable aspects of me defenseless.

A Note from Sara 2

RG

 

 

 

 

56 thoughts on “Coping with DID and Cyber Stalking

  1. Robert,
    You once made a comment to me that you were…and of course, I can’t remember the exact wording..amazed, or something similar..that our systems seemed to be so similar…
    I happened to see this post under related posts…I realize it is an older one..but I cannot tell you how much I can personally relate to this.
    Really, in almost every way. Thank you for writing it.
    Sometimes, for the very reasons in this post, I find it hard to write things that I need to write about. Me…CC.
    But, I try my best, anyway.
    Thank you again. Always wishing you the best.
    CC

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a complex and highly functional system.

      It was when they began to use social media that I became disabled. It didn’t help that they entered a virtual gaming environment where they became even more individuated and were clueless about the nature of the game. As I got more fragmented I was pissed with the people in the game for messing with my head. I eventually came around to understanding that it was up to me to know where I was.

      The person who must keep me safe from harm is me…And to that end I have settled on a strategy for staying safe that works: I admit that I am opinionated and changeable. I admit that I hold every possible opinion about everything. I admit that I have an illness that gives me gifts and liabilities. I admit that I have no control over the opinions of other people. I admit that I am not responsible for how people use the information I offer. I admit that if you hurt me I will remove you from my life. I admit that if you smear me I will talk about it because I am not ashamed of who I am. I admit that I am flawed and screw up. I admit that I don’t always know when I am wrong and often am. As I heal I change.

      The only person who can keep me safe is me. The best way to do that is to let go of being perfect.

      Free every last molecule of your psyche of any notion that you must be perfect.

      Embrace your imperfections and use your knowledge of them to become a better person.

      When you do this you can talk about anything.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that is a very good strategy. I have learned and agree that the only person who can keep me safe is me. Learning to live with, I don’t think of them as alters, but other parts of me that are separate, is the challenge for me right now.

        I mentioned it once, but I became completely absorbed in SL prior to the others coming out. It became very unhealthy for me. I had some good experiences on it, but looking back, I think I completely dissociated while on it at times. I think now, that I was actually experiencing my inside or looking for it, because not long afterward is when the others emerged. When I completely stopped playing. So, a reverse experience to yours. But, I think the emerging process is something that had been trying to happen for a period of two years or so. Really, no comment on SL other than that. I could write a book. 🙂

        I do love what you wrote. Letting go of being perfect is something that I still struggle with. I may always struggle with it. But, I love your response here.

        “When you do this you can talk about anything.”

        Thanks, Robert. Very helpful for me to get another outlook on this. Thank you for sharing.
        xx, CC

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I will definitely read it. It became my world. I believed I lived there.
        When I came here to get married, my husband felt it was unhealthy for me and wanted me to stop. I agreed. But, I said, “I won’t delete her.”.
        I still haven’t. It is on my laptop. Stopping that game was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
        I will definitely check it out after I finish my post.
        xx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I re-read a previous comment that you wrote and realize that I had not been clear. I’ve always had DID. My ‘alternates’ first emerged in the 1980’s when I started writing and performing in San Francisco. I didn’t know that they were me. I thought that they were literary characters and that my method for writing was to believe they were real. As I got older a new alternate was made for each stage of my life which is why I have adult alternates although each of them is child-like in some fashion. My Teen alternate, Bobby, first joined Second Life because he has always known about the DID. He thought that if he found an ‘adopted’ SL’ Father he could ‘grow up’ and make the DID go away. That’s not what happened. Instead the other joined and each began to try to live separate lives in SL. I think Second Life is dangerous in that everyone who uses it must dissociate to some degree.

        When I first went to see a shrink I told him that I didn’t know what was going on…that old literary characters had joined a VR Game and were trying to live in it.

        He diagnosed me with DID and I’ve been trying to learn how to live with it ever since.

        I would love to leave Second Life but I can’t. I have alternates that still use it…though it is down to a minimum.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. And this is why I’ve either opted out of online social activities, or learned how to block people using their IP address (although one particularly annoying troll behaved lie a terrorist, using different public computers to post and attack me…But eventually I got them all, and now they automatically go in the trash.) I’ve had to block many people on FB, and finally just stopped using it except when I want to campaign for some cause or other. I understand why someone would want to continue in these virtual realities, but for me it’s just too stressful. Physical life is more than I can handle, most of the time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ..I don’t know why I was surprised to discover that Social Media amplifies personality disorders to the degree that they become glaring.

      Most people don’t understand that what might be a covert manipulation in real life looks blatant online. There is no discreet way to troll another person’s online space without having it noticed as trolling.

      And even the smear campaigns are spread by people who don’t seem to understand how ugly they look to those of us who are able to ask the questions that neutralize gossip:

      “Why are you spreading this rumor? What’s in it for you? What kind of person smears someone she doesn’t know with a rumor she can’t verify.”

      If everyone stopped to ask those questions most online narcissists would whither up and be gone.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you…I think that eventually they get bored or find someone else mess with. I suppose I’m glad that with all of my problems I don’t have the problem of feeling I have the right to use the good will of other people as a weapon against them.

      Check your mail…

      Rob

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  3. I think sending you those images is a veritable attack, and not only do I completely understand Sara’s outburst but I think she was actually quite restrained, all things considered. Glad you made your peace with it and saw it too. Unfortunately the answers to your “why” questions… if we had them, we’d all be happier. People are fucked up in a nasty way when hurting innocent people is what they wish to spend any of their life on. Take care, I hope that never happen again xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah…there are some messed up people in the world and usually they are the ones who think they are the standard bearers of ‘normal’…I don’t have a problem with the fact that so many of them use their dolls as sex toys…who am I to judge that. But deciding that it’s art and that the WHOLE world MUST accept it as ART is a tad entitled. Top it off with the fact that I also know that many of these same people think they are good Christians in their every day lives and it becomes surrealist hypocrisy. 🙂 Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah phew I thought someone had sent them to you deliberately. They were being insensitive and a little unaware perhaps but they weren’t targeting you specifically. Because the latter would be just cruel. x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh they target me and they are really that cruel. People who lie, cheat in their relationships with other people, create multiple accounts for no other reason than to harass and bully, and who believe that the only rules that matter are the ones they make up in the moment; such people tend to believe that everyone is like them.

        Therefore someone who uses multiple accounts as an expression of DID MUST be lying because they would be lying, someone who is generous MUST want something becuase that is the only reason they would be generous, and someone who joins an online 3-D site MUST want virtual sex because that is the reason they joined.

        They stalk and harass because to refute their reasons for being where they are is a rejection of them and that is an unforgivable sin to online bullies and narcissists. The worst thing you can say to a narcissist in any situation is no. The world revolves around them and when someone spins out in a direction that might draw attention away from them he must be crushed, maligned, exploited and driven away.

        It’s sad…and there are so many of them.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It will happen. I just hope that one day these spells of confusion with be shorter. I can never do anything without this internal conflict. And anger really roils the system. Thank you for commenting…kit’s a skill. I guess people from healthy families are better at doing it.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Robert, this heinous act of cyber bullying can, and should be investigated. I encourage you to notify every webmaster of every affected account.

    People can hide behind anonymity, but they cannot hide behind their fingerprint, whether it is their personal computer, telephone or iPad. Everything is traceable.

    Give the shame and guilt back to those who inflicted it. You aren’t responsible, and therefore cannot be held victim by their corrupt behavior.

    I wish you peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you and I think that I would if I did not have the DID. The kind of narcissists who do these things are quite at home in our legal system. The law is a game and no one is better at twisting the truth and the language we use than a narcissist. Consider for a moment that somehow the term ‘Bleeding heart’ became a pejorative. It’s a reference to the bleeding heart of Christ. A metaphor for compassion. But it was twisted by sick, greedy and selfish people and now the term is used to describe weakness.

      That’s how good they are. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They play the Devils game, but Christ lay nailed to a cross for us. His death was not of cowardice, but that of the most powerful love we will ever know. Keep that understanding at the forefront of your being. God’s judgement is mightier and more swift than any power known to man. You are safe within His harbor. And, there are those of us that walk in peace with you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you.

        I think I’ve been open on this blog about my faith. I do believe in the power of the teachings. I want to do the best I can to bring that power into my daily life and that is why I blog…To me Christ is the wounded healer…the one who transcends pain and his persecutors…in that sense I follow a path with others and we do walk in peace.

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  5. This is serious.
    I suggest you should just let this people be, talking about them brings in more stress, completely ignore them, talking about them give them the cheap popularity they themselves are looking for..
    Great post though, as usual.. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do understand what you mean. But writing about it has freed my mind. I feel creative again…and I believe that every time we discuss the process by which people become trapped someone will read it and recognize that the same thing is happening to them. Someone might be able to avoid the take down. And that’s good. Thank you for reading the post, for your concern…and for being smart as hell. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I knew cyber stalkers were out there, luckily not running into myself. It’s no different the stalking. stalking is stalking. I was stalked for six years and it created a lot of fear. I hope the shit happening to you stops soon.
    M

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It will stop happening to me as soon as I am well enough to make it stop. Its a replication compulsion and it’s a trauma symptom. I have faith that at some point in my treatment I will not replicate these horrible relationships because I won’t need to try to make it ‘right’ with my Mother.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I understand yet don’t understand exactly your challenge. It took many years with an excellent therapist to cut my mother out of my mind and out of my life. She helped me many ways, my life completely changed. I pray you are able to deal your way with your mother.
        M

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s happening. I was diagnosed six years ago and refused to go to therapy for a year…so I’ve only been at it for five years and in this broken system everything is slowed down because of the lack of intensive services. I can’t help bu think that a solid six months on an intensive in patient unit could speed things up by a couple of years. It is so hard to be in this kind of psychotherapy as an outpatient.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I accept therapy is a life long part of my life. There isn’t a cure for our mental illness and it will continue cause havoc. I’ve been seeing my therapist for over 15 years and agree 100%, consistent therapy will help. You may what to rethink your time line. Being outpatient seems difficult yet the benefit is your living life and you learn. I’ve spent time in house but you can think everything is cool, then walk out the door and can’t apply. That was my experience. I have to go in house every couple of years for ECT and if to far down stay longer.
        You have big challenges ahead of you, you also have tremendous blessing in your life.
        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thank you for pointing that out. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time right now but I do know that some of it is the result of my partner being away. I seem to slowly fall apart on my own and it makes all of my symptoms worse…

        But there is also a seasonal component to my illness so when the light changes I also experience depression.

        What ever it is…I’ll get through. I also have to remember that I forget…

        Which means that every time I have one of these ‘episodes’ it feels like the first time…but I’ve been in worse shape and come out of it ok…

        Liked by 1 person

      5. You have a combo of issues making it more difficult. The light makes a difference to many people. Some people are helped by UV lights. Ones great for a desk are the type used by crafters or sewing. The foot print is small but the lightbulb is different. I can’t remember what it’s called.
        Your having a hard time because our diseases cause us to have bad times. I hope it passes soon and you can feel relief.
        M

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  7. Internet stalkers and bullies are a very serious problem online and unfortunately we do not have severe enough laws to punish these cyber crimes. I’m sorry this is happening.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Zoe. Yes they are a problem; and they seem to gravitate more to places like Second Life, and from what I hear Facebook. I have opened a Facebook account that I’m treating very cautiously. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it.

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    1. How does one even begin to fathom people who go out of their way to learn about a condition in order to play with it…It makes no sense until you fully understand that there is a side to human nature that is deeply evil…and that most people don’t have the will to fight it in themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Evil. Ah! That’s it! I was wondering why would anybody do this then this word Evil. That. I see a lot of people support you so there’s goodness in people. You hang in there dude!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Makes me think about how sick this world has become with all the digitalism. Hope you work things out and get rid of such negative people around you. Keep your head up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.

      Getting them out of my life seems to be what this ‘episode’ was all about. Everyone is out of the land group–I don’t doubt that the woman who prompted this action will rally every weak minded and hateful person she knows behind her sense of victimization, which she worked so hard to earn…but, no one is allowed to do in life as they please…that sense of all pervasive entitlement that typifies our age is a delusion.

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