Invisible Man

Mateo, December 2015

A Tribute to Ralph Waldo Ellison (March 1, 1914 – April 16, 1994)

“When one is invisible he finds such problems as good and evil, honesty and dishonesty, [are]of such shifting shapes that he confuses one with the other, depending upon who happens to be looking through him at the time. Well, now I’ve been trying to look through myself, and there’s a risk in it. I was never more hated than when I tried to be honest. Or when, even as just now I’ve tried to articulate exactly what I felt to be the truth. No one was satisfied–not even I. On the other hand, I’ve never been more loved and appreciated than when I tried to ‘justify’ and affirm someone’s mistaken beliefs; or when I’ve tried to give my friends the incorrect, absurd answers they wished to hear. In my presence they could talk and agree with themselves, the world was nailed down, and they loved it. They received a feeling of security. But here was the rub: Too often, in order to justify them, I had to take myself by the throat and choke myself until my eyes bulged and my tongue hung out and wagged like the door of an empty house in a high wind. Oh, yes, it made them happy and it made me sick. So I became ill of affirmation, of saying ‘yes’ against the nay-saying of my stomach– not to mention my brain” (Ellison, The Invisible Man, 1947, p. 573).

And while we’re on the subject of greatness:

Walk in Jerusalem

Mahalia Jackson

The Internet Archive


38 thoughts on “Invisible Man

  1. People don’t understand the effects of their words – or their silences when you try to reach out to them and they bat you away as if you are an annoying gnat. All I can do is put on an extra layer of armor, and go to my piano and play until I can’t sit up anymore. They don’t even know the music was written for them because it’s too much for them to take time out of their day to even listen to it. But it is my self preservation to take something painful and turn it into something beautiful. I just don’t understand how some people can be so hurtful sometimes.

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    1. I know what you mean…I also can’t be bothered with the kind of people who get mad at people they don’t know over things that may not have happened.

      I used to worry about it but my response to someone who repeats nasty gossip to me is, “Why are you telling me this?”

      If someone tells you something about someone you don’t know chances are they want to suck you into a game that will end up getting you splashed in monkey dung too.


      1. I wonder if Loser had been interested in counseling, if it could have saved us. I doubt it. He was very interested in me going but he only went when he wanted permission to start fucking another woman while he was still playing husband to me…..AND HE GOT IT. Great counselor, huh?


      2. I can tell you what would have happened is he had entered counseling because I entered counseling with a family member who is a narcissist. She spent all of her time trying to be smarter than the therapist and actively working against the therapist to prove that the therapist wasn’t good enough. I didn’t begin to make progress until I removed the narcissist from my life.


      3. Ah yes. In a previous post, I talked about how when they would have a staff meeting, the VP would preface every meeting with “everybody needs to understand that J*** H*** is the smartest person in the room.” Loser told me that himself and smiled!


      4. I wish we could get loser out of your head…he’s made a home there and furnished it with you anger. Living in your head is their fondest dream. I’m going to take another risk here and hope that it won’t offend you, but I’ve learned that letting them live in my head is a way of holding on to them.

        The fact is this: we love these hateful people which is why they hurt is so deeply. They use their charms and powers of seduction to convince us to love and trust them.

        We are shocked and enraged when we realize that we were tricked. We leave them or kick them out and spend additional hours of our lives ruminating about them.

        I don’t know what the solution is for you, for me it is letting go of everything about them; and that includes any notion that someday they will come to their senses
        and change.

        A good example of this is that I was told by a mutual friends that my stalker has an ‘alternate’ Second Life’ account that she made in 2014. She hasn’t even bothered to try to make the account different from the one she now uses. Moreover the account says she has Dissociative Identity Disorder. So now she is going to compete to be the best Dissociative ever! Only she doesn’t haven’t. She’s just a garden variety narcissist who needs to be avoided like the plague that she is. The problem is not her–it’s me.

        I need to let her be what she is and let go of any notion that she will ever behave like a decent human being.


      5. You’re right about getting Loser out of my head but don’t be confused by thinking there is even the slightest, infinitesimal feeling for him. Yes, it is anger but it’s also the absolute incredulousness that people like him get away with treating people….not only people….me and HIS CHILDREN like they’re less than garbage and get away without any retribution. Where is it written that he and his WTC can walk hand in hand off into the sunset when he has left so much damage behind?
        I have (like you) gotten rid of everything he ever gave me (minus all the things my son stole) and it was good for me. It upset him terribly, I think and I wanted him to return things to me but he wouldn’t.
        My children… do I handle that? They still love him and welcome him and his WTC, all the while, deserting me.
        Are you afraid of your stalker? I’m not sure I understand what you mean by an “alternate second life.” That’s what you need…..TWO of them!

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      6. It is astonishing; and they never really give up. They are always working, working, working to convince themselves of their superiority and they will accept any suck up without a will of his or her own who will prop them up in their delusions.

        My therapist wanted to make sure that I understood that regardless of what I write here this narc feels no shame and no remorse. But it’s not about making her different. It’s about making me different even if she manages to turn 90 percent of my friends and contacts against me. I will not let spread lies about me without providing a point of correction. I have no intention of sending it to people as I suspect that anyone with any decency would as me about it before making a decision.

        But what they can let themselves get away with turns the stomachs of most decent people.


      7. Those of us who actually do feel remorse and shame have such a hard time understanding that the narcissists just plain…DON’T.
        I think they (narcs) mesmerize people to the point that it is inconceivable that they would be anything less than “great.” Most of these people (at least in Losers’ case) are intelligent, educated people and I have often asked myself “why?” Why can’t they see it?
        There’s the fear aspect. He not only was powerful in his job, for the most part, he was an overbearing bully.
        I know his children and I were afraid of him…not so much physically, but mentally and emotionally.
        At least his WTC is just like him…entitled…immoral….all about #1. A match made in Heaven, I guess.
        It’s good that both of us (and so many others) finally recognized the narcissists and the damage they have done. If you’ve never been exposed to one, it’s difficult to understand what we go through. I, too, know about the lies. I have no idea what has been said about me…by both the WTC and Loser and I really don’t care…..I just want something, somehow, someday to bring them down and make them realize just exactly what they are and what they’ve done…..but it will never happen. I do know that. 😦
        I hope you have some decent, supportive people in your life. A few caring, decent people can be far more valuable than a thousand narcissistic, bullying, life and soul-sucking parasites.


      8. I have noticed that my life began to change after therapy. I am much better at recognizing the signs with the people that I meet in physical reality and even on the internet.

        But Second Lifer remains a problem. It’s not that the people in SL are any worse than people anywhere. I think that I’m more vulnerable because logging into SL is an act of fragmentation.

        They really are soul sucking parasites, aren’t they. It’s hard to feel sorry for them but it helps to try. They are human even if they don’t have the brain power it takes to behave like a human. Intelligence is more than being able to memorize facts and mimic emotions. It takes intelligence to genuinely empathize with another person’s pain.


  2. Great quote I can relate to! It also reminded me of one of Wayne Dyer’s affirmations: “I rather be loathed for who I am than loved for who I am not.” Great song too!

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      1. I was a bunch of fear and filled with self-doubts. I was shy and did not dare to have an opinion. I had to turn 38 to break out actively! When I did one year later I started writing my book. Yes, many are surprised to hear that who meet me today 🙂

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      2. As long as I was in that state of fear and self-doubt I would have never been honest about it, because I did not even realize that I was doubting me…. it was really crazy until I understood that not others limited me but I myself!

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      3. The other day I despaired of ever being free of the DID.

        An old friend said: why worry about it. All of you is very nice and all of you are talented.

        I thought OK…

        I don’t know why I long to be normal. Then I think, maybe I am and think I’m not —

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      4. That is something I think exactly too. I wrote something similar in a different comment. Who says who is normal and who not! Yes, I completely agree, Robert!

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      5. Normal is defined by complex codes of conduct and ritual. Marriage is important because it is one we are initiated into adulthood. There are even words designed to denote ‘less than adult’ with grown men referred to as boys and unmarried women dismissed as ‘old maids’ which implies a women who wasn’t good enough for anyone.

        Most adults don’t give themselves over to hateful people over and over again…it seems lie such a waste of time to struggle with people whose love is a mask for contempt.

        I’d like to at least be normal enough to be better able to protect myself.

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      6. Wow…. I guess that is the best definition of normal I ever heard: “I’d like to at least be normal enough to be better able to protect myself.” Our conversations are very construcitve… yay!!!

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