A Narcissist’s Enablers are Guilty

A Narcissist and Her Flying Monkeys
I’ve seen narcissistic enablers referred to as ‘Flying Monkeys”.

A Narcissist’s Enablers are also Guilty

I just found this post.

It is the first post on the topic of Narcissism that takes up the problem of enablers who  do nothing to stop the abuse or who actively participate in the abuse.

I call it the “Well, he’s always nice to me,” syndrome.

Narcissists are consummate and skillful liars.

By spreading false stories about their target, they are able to win people to their camp.

One characteristic of this personality disorder is apparent lack of conscience or remorse.

Narcissists also have a difficult time with accountability.

If they are confronted about their behavior. they will generally fly into a rage.

There’d be no such thing as narcissistic abuse if it weren’t for the enablers.

These are the folks who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped.

They could step in, and demand that it stop. They have the power to do so.

All it takes is for one or two courageous souls to say “no, this is not okay.”

But, for various reasons, enablers choose to stay “neutral.”

The narcissist depends upon these weak-willed comrades.

Abusing someone isn’t any fun if it’s only a party of two.

With a crowd, there’s unlimited potential for drama.

The narcissist can pull a lot more strings that way.

If it were just the abuser, and her target, it wouldn’t be worth it to carry out a full-fledged hate campaign.

So, the narcissist works to get others to turn on the target.

The collective betrayal, which comes from the camp of these enablers, is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse.

Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn’t absolve you of guilt.

On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.

Some enablers even take it a step beyond, and switch from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person.

They may even turn into “flying monkeys” who carry out small attacks, in order to stay on the bully’s good side.

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A Narcissist’s Enablers are Guilty

44 thoughts on “A Narcissist’s Enablers are Guilty

  1. “The ‘Smear Campaign’ and those minions, flying monkeys or the Narcissist’s pawns – it is ALL part of the Narcissist’s network to function in EVERY aspect of life and a counter offensive to protect themselves from EXPOSURE of who and what they are!”
    I couldn’t find how to comment on the above post. And now I am even more impressed as I searched for a place I could comment. I was impressed by your first post because you so accurately psychologically profiled Donald Trump. I am more impressed now that you did the same for his daughter and son in law.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m a survivor of the dynamics running the nation. Families this dysfunctional never make it through the political vetting process. Everything about this election is wrong, including the public’s moral confusion regarding the normal enforcement of the rule of law. That’s a result of gas-lighting. Our Nation is under attack by a sophisticated sociopath who psychologically tortures people into submission.


  2. Painful to remember…Grateful to forget…Thanks to God for the wake up call. Yet, I played the role of the enabler even after being the victim. Painful to remember…Wish I could forget…Thanks to God for his wake up call. This is a much needed post, we all need wake up calls. I cannot live in guilt, I must forgive myself and move on for all has been forgiven. Yet, I can only hope that others get this wake up call.🌻

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was my Mother’s enabler when it came to her contempt for my Father. I tell myself that I didn’t know any better but it tool me years to work through my shame when I realized how wrong I was.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have this tendency to go with my first impression which might be o.k. if I didn’t jump in head first. I can’t tell you how many times, I have been wrong about someone. I can hear myself right now saying, “He/she is so nice. I really like him/her.” only to find out they are not so nice. A little gift I inherited from my father, could be worse, I guess.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so right, no one stood up to my narcissistic husband which made me feel I just was overly sensitive. I finanally had enough and left! Much happier now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s funny that it can be so hard to get to no and no-more! But once you do it feels so good!

      Thank you for your visit. I checked out for Facebook page and love the material that I found. Now I’m glad I joined Facebook…:)


    1. Thank you for that very astute comment. They either think they will be spared, or they think that the narcissist is a ‘winner’ –and readily ignore the fact that he deploys them to help him cheat the game.

      Thanks for the re-blog. 🙂


  4. I like this and relate to it since it happened to me at work…I knew that my boss was a narcissist but not until I looked at a checklist of narcissistic traits did I realize the extent…however, I do not think of those who stand by as fitting any particular pathology. Rather, I think people are ignorant of psychological disorders and ignore the harm they do to others, and when this harm is not inconvenient to them, they turn the other way or, if it works for them, they encourage it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you.

      Enablers are not necessarily evil but their silence enables evil.

      I’m thinking of the people who lived in the vicinity of Concentration Camps under Hitler who convinced themselves that the camps were a kindness even when they knew the brutal truth.

      They didn’t commit a crime…but the immorality they enabled with their silence stained them for life.

      How would history have changed if that generation of Germans had said no to the Nazis?


  5. Pisses me off. Congrats that he or she was never like that with you and thanks for calling me a liar when I say they were like that with me. The rage demeaning generally goes on behind closed doors bc appearances and all but there are ways to express displeasure in public.

    Being on the receiving end, I try and step in when I see bullying towards others. So not popular, but oh well.

    I hope people stand up for you. Consider this my shout out to step off.

    Again, poor monkeys.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m kind if confused. I looked for the post you were responding to and I couldn’t find it. If I called you a liar please forgive me. I hope I didn’t use those words…

      The only people you won’t be popular with if you intervene in an abusive situation are people who are either narcissists or sucking up to the narcissists because they stupidly think she will let them feed on her…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no.. I was saying sarcastically but realistically to the narc supporter as in congrats (narc supporter) that the narc doesn’t have you (narc supporter) on the list..but thank you (narc supporter) for thinking I’m lying about the narc. This was addressed to the supporter, not you. I have to remember to check my sarcasm.

        Yes. I chip in against abuse when I see it. That doesn’t make me popular. Oh well.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for clarifying. I did notice a shift in tone toward the end of your comment but with DID I take nothing for granted.

        I don’t have evil alternates; though I do have a couple of aggressive protectors.

        I know what you mean about becoming unpopular.

        To the narcissist you are either a source of supply or a thing to destroy.

        When they find out that we won’t be either it makes them and their flying monkey nervous, but for different reasons.

        The narcissist can’t cope with someone he can’t manipulate; and the flying monkeys must deal with the reality that what they are doing is wrong. Unlike narcissists, flying monkeys usually have a sense of decency, although they hate being reminded of it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m glad I was able to clarify. Sarcasm isn’t easy to pick up online. I tend to forget that when something hits the right nerve. In non blog life I am sarcastic and it spills over bc that’s how I am.. I think it protects in a way. In the future i can spell it out.

        Your latest link gave me chills. The commenters wow…I wanted to say me too at some of it. I still might. Two camps. So true.

        I don’t know a lot about DID. I subscribe to a blog whose author is diagnosed, so between you and her, I’m understanding better.

        I am learning much from you…your advocacy for mental illness…your straightforward way (very refreshing and inspirational)…and your art. So beautiful.

        Peace to you…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thank you so much for your comment. I tend toward the ironic which is also easy to misunderstand.

        The most interesting thing about the blog is that it is completely interactive.

        When people tell me how something affects them it helps me to know if I’m making the right choices.

        I have something to say but most people don’t want to hear all of it…comments like yours help me to stay focused.

        I think that what makes this post resonate is that we are almost taught that enabling is the polite thing to do.

        Most of us don’t stop to think about how we look to the person being bullied when we silently watch the beating.

        It’s one thing to be brutalized and quite another to have it watched by people who do nothing.

        Some will go so far as find a reason to blame the victim.


      5. Please keep relaying the message. Plenty of people want to hear it. The truth sometimes hurts. Your strong voice and tbose of others is reiterating that the narc behavior is not acceptable. That is what is inspiring.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Yup. My dad, bless him, was a flying monkey for my mother. I loved my dad so much I would do anything to be near him. He was always making excuses for my mother’s abusive behaviour. It was only when he became disabled and dependent upon her, and she began abusing him, that he realized what I had suffered; for a while he had full-blown Stockholm Syndrome, but eventually the abuse escalated to where his denial failed and he had to face it. The good news is that he was able to apologize to me before he died.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on The Melodramatic Confessions of Carla Louise and commented:

    Kind of similar to a previous message I’ve sent in one of my first blogs (it was about bullying and bystanders). How about we just say no to abuse? We stand up for what is right? A little courage can make a difference in someone else’s life.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am living proof that a dedicated group of people can change the world by standing up and saying mo to abuse. The world into which I was born imprisoned and tortured gay men. We had to live in hiding and if we were found out we were branded as pedophiles and tracked. In 1969 gay men began to say no and stuck to it no matter what and today I can marry my partner.

        People can do as a community what they can’t do as individuals. But it takes work, and persistence.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I agree. So many people say I can’t make a difference – or they dismiss me if I comment on something on the internet to make a difference – but if it gets through to ONE person, that makes a difference. If they have children, they’ll raise their children with different beliefs – like, the idea that gay people are not bad or pedophiles (which is a great example). And even if they don’t, they’ll either try to persuade someone else, OR they’ll hang out with others that are like-minded.
        One person can make a difference.
        You did.
        And you’re still doing it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. The idea that we can’t make a difference is the most convenient lie of all.

        We certainly can’t make a difference when we don’t want to.

        We can’t solve anything if we think that human rights is defined as ‘You can’t tell me what to do!”

        We can’t have a healthy democracy AND be selfish miserly pricks living in damp little minds.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I know!! I think it’s a terrible lie, and those that say it are those that don’t want the world to change (maybe because they’re living to the advantages of it?).
        Bystanders make a huge difference – they let the “bad” people know there’s no consequences for their behaviour. There’s no one willing to stand up, speak up, for them.
        And those that do speak up? They make others feel appreciated. They feel validated. Supported. That makes a difference to that person.
        Love your response, btw!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I’m very happy that you feel safe to speak out on my blog. I can’t rid the world of trolls but I can make my blog a safe place where people can express themselves without having to put up with abuse. So thank you–you’re comments improve the quality of my blog.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I do feel safe! But I feel like your blog promotes that feeling. It’s nice to have. And I don’t think anyone can. Like Alfred says, “Some men exist to watch the world burn.” Thank you so much! What a lovely thing to say 🙂 I love your blog posts. And your comments improve the quality of my blog, too. They make me strive for better. One can always strive to be better.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I’m glad that you feel safe…I agree with you.

        A wise man who was forced to drink hemlock by a mob of jerks on the hunt for a scapegoat once said: The examined life is not worth living.

        Examining who we are in relation to our roles as citizens, colleagues, friends and spouses makes life rich.

        It allows us to savor our interactions the way we might savor our favorite food.

        I agree with him. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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