I Must Have Time for the Living

My partner and I try to spend extra time together before
he goes to San José for a week with his elderly Mother.

Last night we watched Dellamorte Dellamore.

The film is strange and strangely erotic.

Life gets a little strange when my partner says he is leaving.

The words “I’m going’ spark multiple levels of reaction; many
of them preconscious.

These are times when my mind feels like a scene from
Yellow Submarine

As soon as my partner says he’s leaving my alternates start
planning to play.

They restrain themselves when my partner is home.

But when he’s gone they’re often up and out all night.


The way I experience my body has nothing to do with its real
condition.

There are days when I wake up feeling as if I’m in rigor mortis
and days when I move like a teen.

How do I make sense of this dismembered mind as it gropes it’s
way through life?

The hero of Dellamorte Dellamore has passionate sex with a rotting corpse because he will only let himself see the woman as she was when she was
alive.

He lives in an irrational world in which the living and the dead are neither

The mind shapes alternate realities to survive an irrational world.

What is rational?

Empathy is an ability to imagine another person’s life and pain.

With couple’s counseling, my partner has learned to accept
my alternates as alternate versions of me; we use reason and
emotional honesty to keep our relationship alive.

I have better control over my symptoms but I will always have
symptoms.

In my darkest moods I think it might be better to live as if I
am dead.

Francesco Dellamorte: Go away! I haven’t got time for the living.

But the only way to have a life is to accept reality.

And the only reality I have is this one.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2016

Film clips from Dellamorte Dellamore and Yellow Submarine

 

 

 

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