This post started as a status update to my post about my bout of pneumonia.
I was feeling better but the past few days have seen another flurry of mental health symptoms.
This means that when I think I’m sleeping I’m not…
My body is awake and active.
DID is proof of the magic of the mind.
It is also proof that all is not mind over matter.
If all were mind over matter when Bobby is out this body should transform into that of a 16 year old or, even more miraculously, into the body of a fashionable young woman when Sara is out.
When they are out what they see in the mirror is close to what you see in the photographs of their avatars.
If they are out and up at four A.M. Mr. Body gets no rest.
As a person I am host of contradictions.
At my best I have the disciplined mind of a trained academic and at my worst I become confused by simple directions.
The dichotomy of DID is that it is not real except that it is.
I can know that we are the same person but what matters is that all the alternates know and accept that this is true.
They must accept that they are only parts of a whole and they must accept the real body even if they don’t see it.
They must understand that unless they use their time in ways that are reasonable for an aging body we will all die.
I have yet to master the skill of learning how to communicate to my alternates.
When they are active I lose track of time and often neglect to take my medications or I think they I haven’t taken them and take twice the dose.
When I finally woke up today I was dehydrated and my chest felt heavy and congested.
I noticed that Sara posted last night at 4AM.
I’m certain that one of the reasons I had pneumonia is physical exhaustion.
I was curious about whether there is information about the effect of PTSD and DID on the body.
I found nothing specific to Dissociative Identity Disorder but in my view DID is an extreme symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
These are some of the effects of complex trauma symptoms on the body:
“PTSD is associated with a significant body of physical morbidity in the form of chronic musculoskeletal pain, hypertension, Results demonstrated the connection between childhood trauma exposure, high-risk behaviors (e.g., smoking, unprotected sex), chronic illness such as heart disease and cancer, and early death.” The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
More specific is the problem of physical exhaustion.
Here is where mind over matter comes in: when Sara and Bobby are out they don’t feel tired.
I’m the one that has to deal with the consequences.
Here are the effects of exhaustion on the body:
“Deprived of adequate rest, your mind has difficulty functioning normally. You may also experience dizziness, blurred vision or mild hallucinations. These problems can affect your spacial perceptions and prevent you from executing tasks that require even nominal levels of dexterity or eye-hand coördination.” Live Strong.com
Yep–I could barely make it to the corner store today. I almost fainted.
“When you are overly tired, your body’s systems begin to act in unusual ways. This can lead to nausea or tremors, which further complicate the difficulties presented by the cognitive effects of exhaustion. If you experience long-term exhaustion, dramatic weight loss or weight gain can occur.” Live Strong.com
Yep—I’ve lost a few pounds since Friday.
“Two common health conditions related to chronic fatigue are hypertension and heart disease. Because of the seriousness of these conditions, you should seek the advice of a medical professional if you are affected by fatigue, exhaustion or sleeplessness in other observable ways.” Live Strong.com
Yep. I can hear my heart pounding which means that my blood pressure is up.
So in answer to the question that inspired this post, “Are you ok?” which came from xaranahara:
I was ok…but I think I’m getting sick again.
I’ve discussed this as a symptom management problem with my therapist.
My partner is gone for the week and he should not HAVE to be here to take care of me.
This is why people with complex mental health conditions must have access to institutional supports like a hospital.
If I cannot convince my alternates to behave then I may have to go into the hospital even though It’s staffed by CBT drones who will proudly dismiss my DID as a borderline maneuver.
I sometimes don’t know what I find more lethal: my illness or the bigotry of professional people who should know better.