I just realized on an emotional level that I’m crazy.
I’m crazy and every aspect of my life is compromised by it.
One can know the facts of one’s condition intellectually but live in emotional denial.
I don’t know if other people do this.
It’s possible that I’ve never known another person at all.
It’s possible that everything I think I know about my friends and the people I love are layers of wishful thinking and fear.
Today I am living in the consequences of other people’s actions, prejudices and ugliness.
I didn’t make myself crazy…and I can’t make myself stop.
I believe to my soul that my body is taken over by other people of other ages and other genders.
I believe that these imaginary people are members of my family.
That’s an impossible thing to believe and it’s crazy.
And tonight I hate myself for it.
“I’m asking why
I’m asking why
Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why
Just tell me why
Why it has to be like this”
Music selection inspired by Wild Alchemi