I’m Asking Why?

Why
I’m asking why?

I just realized on an emotional level that I’m crazy.

I’m crazy and every aspect of my life is compromised by it.

One can know the facts of one’s condition intellectually but live in emotional denial.

I don’t know if other people do this.

It’s possible that I’ve never known another person at all.

It’s possible that everything I think I know about my friends and the people I love are layers of wishful thinking and fear.

Today I am living in the consequences of other people’s actions, prejudices and ugliness.

I didn’t make myself crazy…and I can’t make myself stop.

I believe to my soul that my body is taken over by other people of other ages and other genders.

I believe that these imaginary people are members of my family.

That’s an impossible thing to believe and it’s crazy.

And tonight I hate myself for it.

“I’m asking why
I’m asking why
Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why

Just tell me why
Why it has to be like this”

Why! Enigma Le Roi Est Mort, Vive Le Roi (1996).

Music selection inspired by Wild Alchemi

There’s no upside to performing a diaper change in roller skates

A wickedly funny post from Ned Hickson​

Ned's Blog

imageIt’s been more than 250 years since John Joseph Merlin invented the roller skate. Considering that there were no cement sidewalks, asphalt streets or concrete half-pipes in 1760, then one can only assume Mr. Merlin’s intention was to commit suicide.

Hmmm, running myself into a wall at full speed probably won’t do the me in. But maybe if I was rolling down a hill..?!?

I thought about this during a recent trip to Eugene, which is the closest big city to us and home to many University of Oregon students who roller skate through downtown. They do this as a way to leave a smaller carbon footprint, which is ironic considering I go through twice as much carbon in my brake pads by trying to avoid hitting them in traffic. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a roller-skate prude shaking his fist at a generation of whippersnappers with their fancy…

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Patterns

Los Portales

I tread the shallows
and repeat myself
with unrelenting
sweetness.

Oh the lump in
my throat, angels
drool and I wipe
my lips with my
sleeve, am on my
knees and

never want to leave.

As if I mean something
God says, “You remind
me of the high notes.”

Dissolve into blue and pray:

Oh heavenly Father,
Most scrupulously
kind…

My health fails
and I fear
your disgusting
displays of life.

Rob Goldstein (c) 2016