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17 St. Phillip Street –Part 13-

Jesus Kiss - Source unknown
Jesus Kiss – Source unknown

The search for Jesus looked hopeless.

Paul said that he’d know Christ when he saw him.

Bobby and Maurice drafted a new story line.

The most radical change came from Maurice who wanted to play Magdalene as a man.

“Maurice Magdalene?” asked Paul.

Maurice replied, “Mandrake. Mandrake Magdalene.”

Paul frowned, “That sounds like the name of a porn star!”

Maurice called Paul a first-rate bitch and looked to Bobby for support.

Bobby leapt to the stage, “Make him a trucker! Big Mack Magdalene! A trucker disciple and saint!” Bobby stepped into the cab of an imaginary truck and dramatically belched. “Saint Big wrote the epistle to the Plebeians while driving  cross country! VROOOOOM!”

Maurice was amused but not showing it. “They didn’t have Mack Trucks in those days, Miss Bobby!”

Bobby laughed. “If I was Jesus I’d stone you.”

The door to the bar opened and a tall man with blond hair and a tan walked in.

He said his name was Christopher, a recently discharged Marine.

He had a slight limp from what he later said was a leg wound he’d gotten in
Viet Nam.

Paul asked him if he had come to try out for the role of Jesus.

“In a way,”  Christopher replied.

He said he’d just ‘come out’ and wanted to meet other gay guys who were like normal guys too.

Bobby introduced himself and said he was almost like a normal guy. “I’m gonna play Judas. If you play Jesus we’ll need to practice that kiss.” Bobby playfully batted his eyelashes, “I still don’t know where it goes. “

Christopher grinned: “If I play Jesus I’ll give you a list.”

Bobby flushed and quickly sat to hide his reply.

“That kiss goes on the neck, Bobby, and only on the neck.” Paul gave Christopher the lyrics to Gethsemane.  He went to the turntable and cued up the song.

Christopher climbed the stage; Paul turned up the stage lights and Christopher’s long blond hair shimmered like a halo.

Paul smiled. “I’ve found Christ.”


Bobby and Maurice lobbied the rest of the cast to support them in petitioning Paul to accept their rewrite to the story of Jesus.

They got their way.

The re-write went as like this:

Jesus is an enlightened gay liberal, scorned by a fascist, heterosexist corporatocracy that collaborates with religious fundamentalists to have him executed for treason.

Mary Magdalene is a trans woman.

She is miraculously transitioned by Jesus.

She loves Jesus but knows it’s hopeless.


The story moves along with Jesus demanding that people to get their shit together until one night,  Judas, in a fit of jealously over Magdalene, betrays Jesus to the CIA with a rather deep and lengthy kiss.

The CIA and the KGB detains Jesus.

He is interrogated, tortured and publicly electrocuted.

Paul found a large pink Santa Throne used by the bar for the yearly Queen of Hearts drag show.

Paul painted the chair brown and equipped it with an electrified wicker basket loaded with flash bulbs that fired with a remote.

The finishing touch was that the half blind audience saw the ghost of Jesus rise from the chair and limp away.

Art By Rob Goldstein

Writing and Second Life Image (c) Rob Goldstein 2016

Source image for “Jesus Kiss” found on the internet in 2009, source unknown.

“I Don’t know How to Love Him”
Yvonne Elliman
Jesus Christ Superstar(1971)
Published to the Internet Archives November 23, 2015
Topics Ópera rock