The Weird Collusion of Good People with Evil: Narcissists and their Enablers

Art by Rob Goldstein
I Married Another Narcissist…Again….

The people who regularly read my blog know that I’ve had more than a few dealings with pathological narcissists.

In fact, I’m a typical survivor of abuse in that I’ve normalized behaviors that would send most people running for their lives.

What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is yours? Of course!

I do get how wrong it is to agree with that but it’s taken me a lifetime.

The latest drama in the latest episode of my Mother the Second Life narcissist takes place on Flickr where a Narc has been happily trolling a piece of my Flickr account for close to a year.

It seems that ‘someone’ who administrates one of the art groups I started trolled it recently and banned a bunch of group members.

I’m tracking this drama as a side issue because I took the good advice of letting the group go; I simply won’t waste a second of what’s left of my life in a battle over nothing.

In fact, I now only use Flickr as an image hosting service and that’s only until my current membership expires.

What I find so interesting about this incident is that the people who’ve sent me email about this latest bid for attention from the narc have gone out of their way to assure me that the Second Life narcissist may not be responsible for this.

Now, understand that she has trolled that group for months, I asked her publicly to step down as an administrator and she still refuses to do it.

That refusal qualifies as both trolling and stalking and stalking is a crime.

With all of this,  my closest contacts feel the need defend her as (possibly) not being the troll.

Possibly?

How do narcissists get away with publicly trolling and stalking people and still have defenders?

Any ideas?

RG (c) 2016

 

40 thoughts on “The Weird Collusion of Good People with Evil: Narcissists and their Enablers

  1. I have had this very same thing happen to me on a Facebook site that was actually a secret support group for those who had been in abusive relationships with Narcissists! I could not believe it at the end when everything came into my realization on the way I was bullied, targeted, and eventually smeared. And, these were the fellow-Administrators on this site! The one Administrator started an online relationship with me as my “protector of these bullies” because he said they targeted me because I was “shy and vulnerable”; I have his email still, which says all this. Yet, the same bullies he claimed he was “protecting me from”, he was actually good friends with, private messaging them, and joining in together while they all laughed at me behind my back, (I found out later). I couldn’t believe that he turned out to be One of Them, (the very same people he claimed to be protecting me from). Their group is like a little FB cult full of Narcissists. And now, they are involved in a brand new group that is a very big group, and funded. It’s a Narcissist Group, too. I cannot believe that these people get away with this type of stuff under-the-radar. Thank you for your helpful posts! I enjoy your beautiful paintings, too!
    Tamara

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish someone could have the answer to why the narcs gets too much help from flying monkeys. No one else get that help. It’s unbelievable, but I do wish to find an answer to that question. Narcs destroy very much when they enter your life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t it strange. The thing that floors me is that people behave as if psychological abuse and stalking are just aspects of love and devotion.

      I find the flying monkeys more infuriating because they don’t have the excuse of being spiritually dead to hide behind.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally agree! I will never understand why people seems to loose their brains and actually protect the narcs. Narcs have an unpleasant ability to make abnormal to be normal and the flying monkeys believe it as normal. The inconsequence become consequence. And flying monkeys buy it. It’s hard to defend oneself against the narcs when they have too many flying monkeys helping them. Without flying monkeys they are nothing.

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      2. The worst is that they create a climate of mistrust because people find themselves emotionally invested in sustaining a lie that isn’t theirs. The narcs lie is that she has a right to do and say what she damned well pleases regardless of who she hurts. She compounds the lie by playing the victim when her target fights back. She presents both lies to her enablers in such a compelling way that it never occurs to them to question why they are so angry at someone they don’t know over events they haven’t witnessed.

        I used to think that the enablers of narcs were just very stupid people. I now understand that to enter into any kind of friendship with a narcissist is to enter an moral universe that contradict everything healthy people instinctively feel is right. People naturally want to understand…and a highly skilled narc is almost hypnotic.

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      3. You are so right. The only way to stay away from narcs power field is to stay away as far away as you can. But sometimes you have to deal with them and that is not easy. They are smooth in their constant lie making and far to few people realise the danger in believing what narcs says. No one else can make people believe in lies as narcs can. I don’t get how they do that. Everyone else would be caught as a liar, but not the narc.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well, narcs get caught.

        As with any syndrome that affects the way the brain processes reality there are patterns and after a time those patterns become clear.

        For instance, if you read this blog for a few months you’ll notice patterns of inconsistency that are related to periods of dissociation.

        With a narc it’s the pervasive sense of entitlement and the inability to communicate unless it is entirely about the self or the inadequacies of someone else in relation to the self.

        People eventually catch on — and very often the narc finds herself alone.

        The biggest problem for those of us who use social media is that on the internet narcs will assume a new ‘identitity’ and find ways to squirm back into your life.

        That’s why it’s so important to share information about them.

        Someone who feels entitled to own and use people does not give up; especially when they also think they are perfect and never wrong.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. One of his Flying Monkeys was actually a counselor/advocate for Victims of Domestic Abuse..! It’s sickening, and so unbelievable; heartless.
        Tamara

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Makes my head spin. But, he plays the Victim very, very well and is very believable. He wrote me lots of “hate email” on the discard, but made sure I could not reply by blocking my email address.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Take screenshots of abusive and threatening email. In many states it’s a crime to use email and social media to harass and threaten others…and in some states online smear campaigns now fall under the category of libel and slander. If a narc wants to take you on let him or her know that you won’t go down without a fight. They’re cowards at heart and back off when their food bites back.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Yes, and I do bite back. He’s got all his Monkeys standing with him, (the coward), and I go at it alone..but, I am okay. The Lord keeps me ❤ (Yes, I have all his emails saved). My blog is partly about Narcissists, but I name No Names.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I have no idea. Sometimes I feel like the world needs training in mental health recognition. Like a viral meme on “How to Spot a Narcissist” would really be beneficial right now.
    Of course, at the end, the way to deal with it would be the same as encountering any predatory, man-eating animal.
    Oh my, I seem to have dropped my compassion somewhere…Oh pity. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. If your “closest” friends feel the need to defend her, why are they still your friends? Unless they’re morons, they understand what’s going on.
    They would no longer be my friends.
    You ask how narcissists get away with trolling and stalking people. How do they get away with abuse? They get away with it because they can…and they are NEVER taken to task. They are bullies and most (if not all) people are afraid of them.
    Like all bullies, they’re also cowards. Again, people are afraid of them. Cowards will sneak up behind you and shoot you in the back.
    i don’t know about you but that scares the Hell out of me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think I understand the heat I sense in your comment but I don’t think these folks are morons…I think is that for all of the wrong in this world most people try to live honorable lives. I honestly don’t believe that the majority of the people I meet are evil or willfully malicious.

      I think that encountering a narcissist is confusing. How does one account for someone who is so insanely trapped in themselves that they will do anything to preserve a lie that most people don’t consider worth telling. Most people don’t have the need to be right about everything, or to be perceived as perfect and perfectly talented and most people don’t consider their friends a form of private property.

      It’s the discrepancy between the enormity of the lies and the payoff.

      Consider the amount of energy this woman expends to keep a spot in a group that no one wants her in, and that most people know she is destroying.

      Most people wouldn’t waste their time. Hell, I wont and I started the group.

      It’s a form of criminal insanity. I think most people can’t understand criminal insanity.

      They don’t understand people who take their pleasure from torturing others.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s so weird.

      We just want to let you know that the woman who has been trolling your group and stalking you for over six months may not be the person who is trolling it now even though she still refuses to honor your request that you leave the group.

      We mean she’s still stalking and trolling you but maybe not this one time.

      Why bother?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It is a mystery indeed because as an empathetic person it is better to not be able to understand the twisted mind of narcs! Although I can understand that puzzling feeling completely!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m learning to understand them because If I don’t I’ll be forever at their mercy. The sad truth is that they live in very small worlds with very few real challenges. Their primary interactions are with people who are either also completely unscrupulous, morally weak or abuse survivors who still don’t know where they are. Here is a typical narcissistic trait that is there in all of them: they cannot have a conversations that doesn’t triangulate. The one in my building can only talk to me when she has something negative to say about someone else and I’m sure that when she speaks to others then I am on the receiving end of her criticisms. In other words narcs are pathetically small people who are barely functional as human beings. It’s not surprising that so many of them choose to live in games without rules. You can’t get much smaller or less consequential than life in a game.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know what you mean..I can usually tell if someone is a narc from the way they always want drama, or gossip..just like you said..Better to not reveal much and keep your distance ..They are very sad, small people indeed..and yes they do triangulate all the time ..how right you are!

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      4. Thank you for your comment.

        People wonder why I keep hammering at the problem of pathological narcissism and it is because as survivors we are likely to have been raised in a family that was dominated by this pathology.

        To survive we had to learn how to be good enablers and what it takes to be the kind of enabler required by a delusional sociopath is the annihilation of the self; the ability to accept their lies as truth, the capacity to tolerate intrusions on private space, endless triangulation in which someone is always the enemy, the daily drama and crisis that requires immediate care giving regardless of your own needs, and the paradox of people who see what is going on but who are also good enablers and just as willing to sacrifice what they know is true to the greater good of the narcissist.

        It seems to me that any toolkit for survivors of childhood abuse and sexual assault is a clinical understanding of pathological narcissism and the crucial roles we give them in our lives.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. The one I got hooked by was a Perpetual Victim. There’s nothing wrong with being a victim as many in life are…like everyone (because life happens), but it’s when they use their Victim Mentality to manipulate, smear, gain Flying Monkeys, Gaslight,and abuse, ETC, ETC..

        Liked by 1 person

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