A digital portrait of a dark haired woman based on virtual reality avatar.

A Letter from Home: Dear Bobby

Dear Bobby,

From what I know about your Mother I can understand how you might stumble into relationships that feel deceptive and controlling.

That you have survived to be as loving as you are attests to your strength of will and natural gift for seeing through fakes.

You will have to fight for the stability that many people mistakenly assume is the result of thinking the “right thoughts.”

The compulsion to repeat an abusive relationship is a challenge that adults abused as children must understand and overcome.

You want to make it right with your Mother, but she is gone; so you look for her in other people.

The shadows you describe are a good sign, because it means that you can see the replication before it is complete.

Your ability to see that you are in danger means that you are better able to protect yourself.

People yield to each other when they truly accept and love each other.

They yield by mutual consent.

What you are used to is love as warfare and you as hostage.

You look for emotional vampires that call you a hater when you discover that they are dead inside.

You invite them into your life and let them feed on you.

You will always have to guard against the attraction to people who can’t love.

But no one has the right to judge your perception of the difference between right and wrong. It is true that we must not judge people harshly for being who they are but there are right and wrong actions and not judging people who choose to harm other people places all of us at risk.

You are no better than anyone else is and no one else is better than you are.

This awareness is part of the magic you describe.

When we live in a world in which each of us is respectedย  as an essential expression of the divine we no longer need to treat each other as enemies and pawns.

Your innate awareness of this fills you with the love that you struggle to express.

This spirit of love makes you seem hateful to the soulless.

But it’s not just you Bobby.

You survived a Mother who in her love for you wanted you dead.

You survived her physically and emotionally, all you need to do now is tell your story because that is how survivors help others to survive.

You must learn to understand how your past affects the present in the past, and the present in the future.

You will have to remember the selfish ignorance that raped your body, it is horrifying, but all of us must do it.

This selfish ignorance tells you that compassion is a failure to mature.

Mistaking parasitic self-interest for maturity is a convenient lie.

With all of our problems and pain, we are lucky because you are our soul and you are intact.

Adults bring the fruit of wisdom into the world.

That is our job and why we must get well.

Know that I love you and that I am here to protect you until you can protect yourself,

Sara

 

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A Letter from Home: When My Alternates Talk to Each Other

(c) Rob Goldstein 2014-2017 All Rights Reserved

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59 thoughts on “A Letter from Home: Dear Bobby

  1. Love the words, ‘People yield to each other when they truly accept and love each other. Profound and beautiful! It is also nice to know that you have a caring and helpful soul like Sara as one of your personas.
    You have travelled far in all your journeys and I hope you know that you have gained enormous strength and wisdom along the way. Kudos to you Rob.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have masses of insight and understanding which can only be a good thing for your prospects of healing from such awful experiences. I myself have a history of severe abuse/trauma and have BPD and dissociative identity disorder. I very much understand where you’re coming from. I’m a new follower so will have to get up to speed with some of your previous posts when I have time so I can get a fuller picture of what happened to you. I wish you all the best X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment and for the follow. I just checked out your site and look forward to getting to know you. Healing does happen. I still have work to do on problems with acceptance and shame. I’ve found that it helps to use these terrible experiences to help other people who had them too. Thank you…:)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Definitely…I am on a mission to exploit the goodness out of what I’ve been through to illuminate the healing path for others, but I have tonnes of personal healing to do first-we’re in this together. I’m early on in discovering my dissociative side and new alters are revealing themselves which is pretty scary, but I am amazed at how clever my brain was, to have dealt with my trauma. I will look forward to reading more of your blog ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for the follow up. I don’t know if it’s my connection or the way your blog is setup but I can’t find a comments section…or a ‘like’ option. I just want you to know that I have been reading it and like what I see. It’s good to meet you and it’s always good to have someone else out there fighting the good fight…:)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aww that’s lovely THANKS so much ๐Ÿ˜Š If you click on the title of an individual blog post, it should enable you to comment or like, but if you just scroll through it doesn’t-bit frustrating! Sorry about that. Thanks so much for your support, it’s gratefully accepted and I hope we can chat more as time goes on. Warmest wishes x

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Rob, when I first heard of data that suggested abused children seek partners as adults where abuse occurs amazed me. Abused girls may marry men who will control and abuse them. Boys, even when abused, may emulate an abuser as an adult as they see that as their norm.

    Your words and art mean much to many. Keep sharing your stories. Keith

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this comment Keith. It touches on the ‘nurture’ aspect of certain kinds of serious mental illnesses.

      The tendency to have friends and spouses who are like the abusive parent is called the ‘cycle of repetition or re-enactment‘ and it represents an attempt to master the abuse. Children always believe that bad things happen to them because they are bad. They are desperate to earn the approval and love of the abusive parent and as adults they will keep trying to get this love from other abusers who are like their abusive parent.

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  4. That is beautifully written. I will pass this on to the man in the video. He called me late this evening. He sounded so small.”I just wanted to hear your voice”, he said. I know all I can do is encourage him. He has to want to do the work – desire to change things. But still it tugs on my heart strings – and the part of me I call my “fix it” nature. I recorded a new piece of music today for my latest post.

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      1. The wonderful world of psychotherapy. I can sometimes tell now…and yes, this time I knew who was coming out. One of the goals of my therapy is for us to negotiate time. We’re still not that good at it…but we are getting better.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you for this link. It was helpful because though I read the Dear Sara letter, I didn’t understand the term alternate. I learned something new Robert. Thank you.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. When you overcome something that was hurting you and your soul deeply…you learn a new way to express life in another dimension and you have a choice…you can turn something that was bad into something good. Open your wings to other be free and let your heart fly without fears…you could be an angel to someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are many people who suffer these things in silence; and there is tremendous social pressure to remain that way. We live in a paradox in which we are surrounded by the victims that we refuse to acknowledge. I don’t know if it is fear, selfishness, greed, ignorance or a combination of all of these. All I know is that the statement, “I am not a victim” only applies to those people who have the resources they need to help themselves. To that extent, I am not a victim, but only as long as I use what I know to help other people and to give expression to my version of life on Planet Earth.

      Thank you for reading the post and leaving a comment.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Reblogged this on CELONA'S BLOG and commented:

    “But no one has the right to judge your perception of the difference between right and wrong.
    It is true that we must not judge people harshly for being who they are but there are right and
    wrong actions and not judging people who choose to harm other people places all of us at risk.”

    Check out what’s happening on this blog..
    A matured mind with serious precision.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think the software has “learned” that your comments are not spam…As you can imagine, there are a lot of wingnuts who experience me as similar to the sound of nails on a chalkboard, so I had the filter set too high…

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Our angels bound to us protect us always. They also in their protection teach us. They are with us always and as they protect we also protect. You, Rob are a protector and your thoughts carry forth and touch the souls of others and connect with them and bring people strength. Perhaps you are drawn to what was set inside you deeply and lean into it and then face the scars of other times. You have been given love and the “wings of the morning” will always be at your side. They may rest upon the treetops and look down or be at flight in the distance, but when needed they will lift you and hold you close and bring you journeys of love and peace.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. it is true, we who have had trauma, are likely to find it again, because that is what we were taught to think love is. even tho now we know better, we still tend toward that.

    but you are a survivor, you can see when it is an abusive relationship starting, and you have saved from the fire your caring, kindness, compassion and true ability to love.

    Liked by 3 people

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