I’m the Person You don’t know who is Not the Pathological Narcissist Mentioned in Rob Goldstein’s Blog Post that You Haven’t Read

Mental Health, Narcissism

The Medusa

First posted May 13, 2016

In October of last year a woman claimed on an unrelated topic posted to The Neighborhood that she was the Narcissist I was writing about on my blog.

What can one say about a woman who identifies herself on the blog of someone she doesn’t know as one of two unnamed women described as malignant narcissists in a post on Art by Rob Goldstein.

(A post I’ve since taken down)

Her comment had nothing to do with the topic and seemed designed to draw attention to her Flickr stream.

This is such a perfect example of nearly everything I’ve described on this blog and read elsewhere about the toxic methods of pathological narcissists.

Here is what she posted:

“well, other then the post he made on his blog about the Malignant Narcissist which is me. Very very horrible blog and I am highly insulted. I understand his condition precipitated this. Sorry to say this, but he felt strongly to use this distortion of lies to post on his blog and Flickr site”

All of America is now familiar with the infantile and selfish behaviors of the malignant narcissist.

Trump as a spoiled toddler having a tantrum on a golf course
Found on Giphy

She was ‘sorry’ to have to say the things she was saying; but not so sorry she wouldn’t say them.

What can you say about a person so infantile and needy they claim
to be the anonymous person in a post about a malignant narcissist?

Sad.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2015-207 All Rights Reserved

 

 

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93 thoughts on “I’m the Person You don’t know who is Not the Pathological Narcissist Mentioned in Rob Goldstein’s Blog Post that You Haven’t Read”

  1. Of course she is highly insulted, because as a narcissist she is entitled to anything she wants and the rest of humanity has the obligation to praise her. It is an awsome tactic that you don’t mention her name, since narcissists are like parrots even negative attention is positive attention to them. By not naming her, you express yourself while she gets no supply, trully brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. She followed me around from blog to blog where she posted that she was the narcissist about whom I was writing. It never occurred to her that a post about herself as the topic of an essay on narcissism to a blog post about an incident with BlackLivesMatters made her look like a self centered piece of shit regardless of whether she was the topic of my post….That’s why I gave this post that title.

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      1. she is a self centered piece of shit. Let me know if there is anything i can do to help anytime. Same if you want to talk, online friendship IS a form of friendship, i am here for you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks…Please understand that my trust levels are severely compromised.

        This woman is a piece of shit and fortunately the stench is so overwhelming that almost everyone she contacts can tell that she’s a piece of shit; except the bigger pieces of shit that collude with her.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. my trust tank is permanently empty, so i can understand perfectly. Thing is if we isolate ourselves because of what happened they win. Still struggling for the silver lining on this one too.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I don’t take narc crap passively. My policy is to always reveal the covert smears and slander that they think people will be too ashamed to share.

        I never let another person’s shame dumping affect me.-I’m difficult to manipulate at this stage of my life and because I know who I am I am completely open about my experience.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I think you will be fine, i mean orcs like her can’t shake you since you have done all this work with yourself. It sure is annoying though when they go on with their useless drama.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I’ve survived a Narc mother, a childhood the deep south, semi-literacy, dyslexia, AIDS and two rounds of ECT.

        I can more than handle a spoiled little narc that alienates anyone who might care about her and doesn’t realize that to most people she is transparent.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Why when we speak truth do people want to basically obliterate us? Yet from John Lennon to so many others, the truth-sayers are the ones who are most in danger of being destroyed. I wonder at this. What exactly does truth DO that causes people to try to kill it? Is it that as a narcassistic person they cannot handle seeing their true reflection? Is it that manipulation and destruction is their goal? I truly see such good people constantly being slayed by those who cannot hear the truth. We can only go out once more and once more tell the truth. It’s biblical isn’t it? And even for those of us who do not believe in a Godhead it appears biblical. So this is human-nature? I sorely wish it were not. I believe truth is the only thing that sets us free. Ergo some people do not wish to be free. You are a torch in the darkness, shine on, shine on.

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    1. I think that the narcissist is driven by envy. It doesn’t even matter if they have more talent than you the fact that you might have a gift is an offense to their sense of entitlement.

      A sense of one’s self as worthy is healthy.

      But it is sick to think that you are the only person in the world who has rights or worth.

      This is a sick woman who feeds on the people make the mistake of becoming friends with her.

      We are all just a little bit crazy and but none of us have the right to inflict it on other people.

      I hope that by discussing online narcissists I will make it a little harder for them to find clueless prey.

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      1. Sense of entitlement – very much so. I never considered if the Narcissist is driven by envy, that is an interesting idea, I would initially say I don’t think that could be it that something more powerful must be at the core of them, maybe an inability to consider anyone else, to believe themeselves as you say, entitled and thus, deserving, but maybe you cannot do any of this without envying what someone else has. Yes we’re all a bit crazy but when you ruin someone because you believe you are better than them – when you destroy them – then you are deserving of nothing but the worst outcome – sadly this world rewards the narcissist.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The material world rewards them but it never gives them what the narcissist wants.

        What the narcissist wants it eternal youth and and godlike immortality.

        What the narcissist gets in the end is what we all get.

        And they get it without any of the wisdom that we accumulate through a lifetime of genuine love and empathy.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. So the narcissist is on a perpetual quest that cannot succeed, thus he or she is driven mad by that eventual knowledge they cannot get what they want and become thus, more deluded, crueler. That makes a lot of sense. I am with you, that if we don’t expose this, phenomena let’s call it, then how will anything change? We need to stop permitting this or tolerating it, as the norm, it is anything but

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The real damage is that narcissists destroy trust.

        They lie to get what they want and think nothing of breaking the social contract.

        In many ways much of what is wrong with the U.S. right now is directly related to the narcissistic sense of entitlement that that seems to afflict our ruling class.

        The lies and relentless smear campaigns that dominate our political discourse in the U.S. have destroyed our faith in ourselves as a nation.

        There is a difference between the grandiose vision of a Pax Americana and the humility of a political system run by human beings who are committed to more than ‘winning the game’ and who are able to respect the frailty that comes with being human.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Agreed. the idea of humility like a president who accepts a peace prize and goes to war. I hear you. I also hear that winning the game is no way to play. there are so many lies, the recent elections being such a great example, couldn’t agree more. I do agree it’s an narcissistic notion of entitlement just as Britain once had, and Spain and Italy and … we repeat history. We need to educate people about history more. Rob, you are right, I went out with two narcissists I didn’t know it I didn’t understand it, it left me in ribbons and my self esteem was destroyed, I felt it was my fault. I think that is the genius evil of the narcissist to leave their victims feeling it was their fault!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. It left you in ribbons primarily because you didn’t know what you were dealing with. Narcissists are masters at making people believe that they are blameless for everything they do.

        It’s much harder for them to play these twisted and sadistic games when people are informed.

        This is why it’s so important for us to share this information.

        As for the United States. There is a willful quality to narcissism. They know that what they are doing is wrong but they do it because they have no moral center; although they will often claim to have a firm faith in their own morality.

        So it is that we have lawmakers choosing to humiliate trans women to ‘protect’ the children while also passing laws designed to starve them.

        We can’t let a trans woman enter the woman’s bathroom but we can give a gun to every angry person who wants one.

        The United States may well be past the point of saving itself.

        I do know history shows us that when nation’s go mad the sane ones will form an alliance to protect themselves.

        Liked by 2 people

      7. Oh you are so right, I agree with all you have said here. It makes me sad that Narcissists can hoodwink (love that word) good people and persuade them even if they are intelligent that they are at fault, it is an artful and quite terrible manipulation I’m still not quite sure how they do it, very smoke and mirrors but I personally did feel that I was somehow the one who was inferior and at fault and it took a very long time to realize what had actually happened. I suspect this is the pivotal power of a narcissist because you really gut an enemy if you can get them to believe they are the one in the wrong. Very passive aggressive. I want to join the group of sane ones, though I rather trust the mad among us more than the sane at times, sane may be a little over-rated 😉 Why we spend so much energy hating gays, hating everyone, and yet little time on THINGS THAT MATTER like the environment, I’ll never understand. Misdirection. It’s all about misdirection. I’ve been listening to that Richard Seritt show too much on the radio (The Conspiracy Show)

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Right. The idea is to strip the person of friends and supports. I’ve learned quite a bit in my time on social media. Different sites have a different tolerance for degrees of bad behavior. At this point nothing shocks me.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Sad isn’t it? But also at least you know. I don’t have any friends in real life, I have online friends on WP and I have some online friends in other countries but none in real life. I don’t really know why, people say they like me but I just don’t seem to make it happen, this could be because of the scars of previous betrayals. I don’t know why I’m revealing this other than you understand so much it’s hard not to want to keep on dialoging!

        Liked by 1 person

      10. I don’t mind that you share this with me. I’m glad you feel comfortable to say this. I can’t speak to anything specific about you life but I can address what you describe within the context of certain patterns of behavior that emerge in people were either abused or are by temperament withdrawn. You are clearly a gifted writer and it may well be that you prefer your art to relationships. The one thing that I think is essential for me to say is that a few sessions with a good talk-therapist might give you some insights.

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  5. This is terryfing. I can’t understand why people have to troll. To steal someones work. To stalk someone for what? I hate to say these two people have Mental health issues but indeed they have. It is not right that their illnesses and issues are being brought to your door. People must take responsibility for their actions. All actions have consequences. Such is the nature of life. I’ve never come across this so I don’t know what to advice. All I can offer is my support. Take care .

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    1. I agree with you. I don’t think that having a mental illness is a license to do as you please. It takes skill to use one’s intellect to sort through the distortions caused by the illness but many people do it.

      Before we called these people pathological narcissists we called them backstabbers, thieves, gossips and crooks.

      People who refuse to control their beastliness are not functioning as humans.

      Liked by 1 person

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    2. I miss-read cows and read crows, and I am sure we would all rather have you than crows or even hags and Pathological Narcissists are hags of the most vicious kind. They can be just so ‘nice’ like icing on a cake and yet make you feel like bitter lemon.

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      1. I am very grateful to the people on WordPress who supported me though that. I know that narcissists never completely stop; I know that she is still trashing me to anyone who is willing to listen…

        But she and the milieu are now so inconsequential to me that nothing she does matters.

        I learned the skill of letting go because of her. in a way, I’m also grateful to her.

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  8. Rob, so sorry I thought I had commented on this before. I have had a few annoying people bother me on my posts. I love that we can send them to spam or delete or edit their words. One woman called me a liar, another said I had made fun of her heritage. I have many open and caring posts about people with many different backgrounds. I just try not to let it get me down. Try and let it go, Rob. You are liked ♡ by everyone here who reads you, my being new I see a faithful group of friends. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    2. You are correct, as is Hugh. I’m not sure why this person feels the need to follow me around while claiming to be the woman I’m writing about. She has written other posts aside from the one I remarked on here. I know that she is quite busy trashing me to anyone who will listen. I don’t know what motivates these people but I need to bring myself to a place of compassion.

      Pathological Narcissists fear their shame and do their best to dump it and their anger on those around them.

      I am grateful for the people who do read my blog and who give me their support.

      There is nothing I can do to control the behavior of other people. I need to remind myself of this.

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      Reply
  9. Pingback: WTF? | Art by Rob Goldstein

  12. Internet Trolls are best left alone and to be ignored, Rob. Don’t give them any attention at all. Don’t get into any conversations about them. I’ve seem a few bloggers give up because of Trolls but only when they decided to take them on.

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    1. I agree with you. In this instance I mention this only because of the theme of my blog, and the problems that survivors of abuse have as a result of being raised by a pathological narcissist. I can ignore an internet troll; but not someone who seeks out friendship with me in order to learn how to hurt me. That’s more than a troll. That’s a sadist and I think that for survivors discussing our vulnerabilities is important. I have no time for trolls… which is the best policy.

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      1. Thanks Robert, Ha! I googled it and it said it was a game and I thought it must be something else. I am actually interested in all those things but thanks for the warning, not sure, I will have to think about being “poached.”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. By fair game I mean that you will be used if you are not alert to the culture.

        That said, if you’re into games, know how to play and don’t mind dealing with people who see cheating as a virtue you’ll have a good time, I mean that in a positive way. I don’t think that everyone who plays games is a jerk…and for many people it’s a life replacement.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I hear you. I only use it for photography. Computer generated worlds are wonderful ways to learn composition and design. My cautions are based on my experiences as someone with a health issue. My guess is that people who don’t have this problem are not as likely to have problems.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Actually, she can’t stand any attention that is not on her. N’s always blame others for their actions when they are the bully. An N will think everything is about them, even if they are not mentioned! A troll in the spotlight, good idea. However, as you know, being ignored is like slitting their throat.

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    1. Yes…when I saw the post I swear my jaw dropped. I’ve known some outrageous narcissists in my life but this was the first time I’d ever seen one claim to be someone no one on the blog knew who was the topic of a post that most people on the blog had never read. However I know that they do nothing that doesn’t have a purpose. That was when I realized that she gave people who Flickr name… and that was when I realized it was a gaming strategy. She was using the topic to boos her “views”….sad really…

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  15. Pretty sure my troll (oh so much more than that, and much less) of going on 5 years now in SL is a malignant narcissist at the very least. I’m sure there is a lot more going on with her. But just reading what this person wrote, geez that brings back a lot of familiar memories. So if she’s not the one you were talking about, it sure sounds like she’s one to consider adding to the list. 🙂 It’s a long list, especially in places like SL…

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Why is that? Why does everyone say that about SL? Of course any discussion that challenges their perception of themselves as “the best people in the world” is met with a trollish, “I’m sorry you lost the game and can’t win it”

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  16. Sadly, Rob, these sorts of trolls like lurking about the internet trying to inflict misery. No matter how inappropriate or unnecessary, they feel they have the right to personally attack people. Those who believe that sort of rubbish aren’t worth your time and those who care won’t believe that kind of rubbish. Hope this day is treating you well. 🙂

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    1. Thank you for your support. I’m still trying to understand how anyone can be so blind as to not know that taking on the mantle of being the anonymous subject of a post about narcissism is a supreme act of narcissism.

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      2. That’s the curious part. I have been openly and militantly gay for my entire life. Yes! I was a militant “hamasectual” as Falwell and Helms liked to say it.
        And on top of that I have always been mostly asexual. I have tried cybersex and when I realize that I’m actually alone except for the ‘hot’ words that someone might choose to use against me it makes me feel creepy. I do know people in VR who have relationships and large virtual weddings but I really, really have no interest in those things. I’m very upfront about that. So It wasn’t as if I was in a hot relationship in Second Life with this woman. I was just letting her use my parcel and as we became friendly I made her the admin of a couple of Flickr groups. I had no idea she would react like a spurned girlfriend when I said I needed some time alone on the parcel.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. It makes me wonder that they don’t have the allure to attract heterosexual partners but I guess with gay people they feel safe and if anybody threatens that safety then they retaliate or act like you are the husband. Most bizarre.

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Whatever made her saying that, you might simply have mirrored something. If she was fine with herself she would have never reacted that way. Don’t think too long about it, Robert. We all love you! 🙂

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    1. I read somewhere that Pathological Narcisssits are our best teachers. I suspect that a hige part of the process of recoery for people who were abused as children is this process of coming to terms with the replication compulsion: a need to recreate the abusive relationship in order to master it.

      Children beleive that whatever the problem is, if they learn the right way to behave the problem will go away. This is one of the reasons that women who were abused by their Father often marry abusive men…and I suppose men wind up with psychologically abusive wives or destructive women friend. This has been a lifelong problem for me. I simply did not understand that a woman who genuinely loved me would not ridicule me or seek to one up me in everything I did.

      The shocking truth is that her comment was actually a bid to draw attention to her Flickr stream.

      She was using a post about my loss of the nomination to essentially say, He calls me a pathological narcissist but that’s because I’m so much better than he is as an artist: come visit my Flickr stream and see.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. There are people who simply twist and turn things the way they need it. Don’t bother yourself too long with it. There are so many more who appreciate you. We have no control over others and their opinions. And we don’t need to understand them.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you Erika. And we don’t need to forgive them either; especially when they don’t understand what that means.

        There are some behaviors that are simply unforgivable. One of them is using a person’s illness as a means to exploit them, even if it is for nothing more than your own amusement.

        People with mental illnesses are real people and the pain we experience is real. It is not unreasonable to expect people who go out of their way to enter my life to respect my limits.

        Especially when I state them clearly to anyone who does want to know me.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I don’t know Erika.

        This is where my brain gets snarled.

        I associate intellect with insight.

        This may not be correct but it’s how my mind works.

        It means that I associate negative behavior with intention.

        I experience my mind as having the capacity to question itself and its motives.

        I therefore treat everyone as if they have this ability. In my mind, if I can achieve a degree of insight and control over my darker impulses everyone can, and those who don’t control themselves have made a conscious choice.

        Espcially when we are discussing behaviors that do not fall into the grey zone of sorta good and maybe bad.

        If I know you have a broken leg and I take a stick and hit your broken leg with it I have no right to make a claim on your affection.

        Jerking someone with a mental illness around by his symptoms is no different.

        I don’t know how anyone can be oblivious to how wrong that is.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. I know exactly what you mean. What I meant was, they think it is righ what they do. For what reason ever, even if they are aware that it is an act of frustration or agression. They think, what they do is right from the place thay come from. That is why it has nothing to do with you but with them in first place.

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      6. First let me say that I understand your point completely. My confusion over the difference between a slave to emotional obliviousness and evil goes to the heart of my struggle to come to terms with what really happened. I get confused.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I think this is a huge dilemma for abuse survivors.

        We live in a culture that wants evil to be a pathology, I think as a way of pretending that evil doesn’t exist.

        The problem is that even if one has the worst personality disorder documented there is a reasoning mind and the ability to understand the consequences of unethical and hurtful behavior.

        An excellent example is this woman in my real life who lied to my doctor.

        She doesn’t want to admit that she knows that what she did was wrong.

        She doesn’t want to admit that I spent a year struggling with my doctors because they gave more credibility to her lie than to my truth.

        She doesn’t want to admit that she chose to lie because as a narcissist she needs to feel as if she is in control of the people she uses to feed her narcissism.

        Because she doesn’t want to admit these things she also doesn’t think she owes me an apology.

        She says that she doesn’t understand why I’m so upset and psychiatry would say that she ‘can’t’ understand why I’m so upset because she has such a severe ‘personality disorder’

        I don’t buy it.

        She has an intellect and she is trained lawyer. She believes that morality is the winning argument.

        I refuse to give her my friendship because I have decided that she knows that what she did was wrong; I have also decided to hold her responsible for her decisions.

        You can’t be my friend and lie to my doctors.

        You can’t be my friend and lie to me and about me…and if you do I will hold you responsible because I believe that our ability to think about our emotional lives and to make decisions based on moral values and our knowledge of right and wrong trumps everything.

        At some point we must stop making excuses for the bad behavior that makes life in the 21st century feel more barbaric than life in the 20th.

        It’s an odd thing, we are technically more advanced than ever but we seem morally and ethically stunted.

        I think that part of the reason for this is that we don’t expect adults to be adults; we don’t expect them to use their minds to make just decisions.

        We behave as if everyone is a slave to his or her emotions, prejudices and impulses.

        As an abuse survivor I find this position untenable.

        I hold these people responsible, not to improve them, but for myself.

        I realize that I don’t have to forgive people who choose to harm me.

        I also don’t have to protect them from the shame that they don’t want to feel, but which they have earned by behaving shamefully.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. When I read what you wrote about this woman I suddenly thought, that she might simply be a coward. I agree, you don’t need to forgive if you don’t feel like it. As long as you are fine with it, it is ok! I totally see it that way. Sometimes it feels better to not forgive because we stay true to ourselves!

        Liked by 1 person

      10. I wish she were a coward. She’s not. She’s a sociopath. There are people who make it dangerous to forgive.

        If I forgave her she would take that to mean that any damage she does to my life is acceptable to me.

        There are people in the world who look human but who are little more than animals that walk on two legs.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Yep.

        I can spend my life fighting to break through the emotional destitution we call pathological narcissism in a futile effort to heal my dead Mother; or I can move on and thrive on the approval of people who genuinely care about me and who don’t treat other people as objects.

        These are the people who are worthy of compassion and forgiveness; because their mistakes are usually unintentional and they usually accept responsibility for them.

        Healthy people don’t need to be seen by other people as perfect.

        They know that they are flawed and accept it.

        In fact, healthy people aren’t usually found in the orbit of a narcissist.

        The people who are drawn to pathological narcissist are usually adults who were damaged as children; most narcissists run like vampires from a cross when they enter a room full of people who aren’t broken enough to fall for them.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Of course we are all a sum of our history. Everything behind us shaped us in some way. As soon as we understand that are taking other people’s actions or words not personal anymore – not the negative and also not the positive. It is all subjective. I know I lost the matter but it just blurbed out to me. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      14. I was thinking about my last comment to you this morning and I thought that it sounded angry. I realize that I have to be cautious about my anger, which has a tendency to slip out when I’m stressed.

        It may well be that I will achieve some level of piece with this when I’m more past the phase of remembering it and coming to terms with it.

        It’s very hard to forgive wounds that feel fresh, even when old.

        I’m learning to find peace, but I don’t have it yet.

        I understand intellectually that to forgive is to accept and create closure.

        I have to get there…

        Thank you for being part of the process, Erika.

        Liked by 1 person

      15. Thank you for letting me be part of the process, Robert. And I think there is nothing wrong with being angry when you are. Better than supressing it! It’s all ok 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      16. Thanks Erika. There is something infuriating about a person who thinks they can bully you into conformity….I’ve been dealing with them all of my life but never with the clarity of mind that I now have. I realize that dealing with this is good for me; but no one likes being stalked and lied about–and that’s the part that makes me feel angry. I can’t believe the lengths they will go to to preserve the lies they tell themselves.

        Liked by 1 person

      17. That is a real test and as you say, no one wants to be stalked. It is tiring and of course makes angry! Just always remember that there are others too in order to get the strength for dealing with the bully.

        Liked by 1 person

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