Male and female narcissists have similar symptoms but express them differently.
Men are more external in how they interact with the world; women are more interpersonal.
Both genders tend toward vanity and materialism, and both are pathologically dishonest.
In addition to the sense of entitlement, grandiosity and dishonesty of pathological narcissism, female narcissists often display characteristics common to histrionic personality disorder:
People with histrionic personality disorder regard things in an emotional way–and are attention seekers.
They are uncomfortable or feel unappreciated when they are not the center of attention.
They are lively and dramatic and initially charm new acquaintances by their enthusiasm, apparent openness, or flirtatiousness.
They commandeer the role of the life of the party.
Personal interests and conversation is self-focused.
They use physical appearance to draw attention to themselves.
Emotional expression is often shallow and rapidly shifting.
Their style of speech and writing is excessively digressive, illogical
and lacks detail.
They have difficulty with tasks that need logic or analytical thinking.
Female narcissists are malevolent drama queens.
They create conflict because it makes them the center of attention.
In the world of the pathological narcissist any attention is better
than no attention.
When people leave her, the female narcissist will say it’s because she is too independent, feisty, strong-minded, intimidating and intelligent.
On the surface narcissists look like unbeatable monsters.
Pathological narcissism is a set of cognitive distortions.
A woman who worked for me in a mental health facility thought that she was the most informed person in any staff meeting.
She believed that she knew more than the clinical team and openly ridiculed her peers.
The patients hated her and complained that she either ignored or berated them.
She terrified the rest of the staff.
She often left her shifts with a week’s worth of groceries in her back pack: it was food that we purchased for our patients.
As her supervisor my attempts to improve her performance or discipline her resulted in accusations of sexual harassment.
When I pointed out that I am gay the accusation changed to misogyny; because obviously gay men hate women.
I knew that she was a danger to the patients and began to document every complaint and interaction.
One night I received a call from the facility; it was a patient who told me to listen.
He stood in the hall with his cell phone in his hand and I heard this woman loudly berate an elderly patient.
She threatened to discharge him to the street.
It was midnight.
I fired her, but not until she managed to undermine treatment for hundreds of under-served mental health clients over the course of four years.
These are the ten fatal flaws of the pathological Narcissist.
I base this list on personal experience.
For a more clinical understanding of narcissism I suggest Medical News Today.
Fatal Flaw #1:
She believes that she is superior to everyone and becomes arrogant toward people who disagree.
This feature of pathological Narcissism impairs intellectual functioning so that they are not truly smarter than everyone.
But they are good at getting away with bad behavior.
A Mother who abuses her child in private will shower that child love in front of other people.
As a wife the narcissist blames all of her failures on her husband who is worthless and undeserving of her.
Anything they view as a negative assessment of their worth result in lies, blame shifting and whisper campaigns.
Eventually the people around them see the pattern and the narcissist finds herself isolated.
Fatal Flaw #2
Being right is a matter of survival for a pathological narcissist.
Any contradiction of her point of view results in irrational outbursts of rage.
She will do everything she can to destroy someone she thinks is a threat to her control and there is nothing she won’t do.
Narcissists think that they have a right by birth to the kind of creative and professional credibility that other people earn.
Frustration of their sense of entitlement results in narcissistic rage.
Eventually people see the pattern and move on.
Fatal Flaw #3
They project their faults and dump their shame on others.
The narcissist believes that she is perfect and perfectly entitled.
She believes that other people believe everything she says.
She also believes that everyone is like her so she projects her failure and bad behavior onto other people.
The problem is that she cannot isolate and control everyone.
Once again, it’s a pattern of behavior that becomes obvious and
the people in her life move on.
Fatal Flaw #4
They lack insight.
Refusal to take responsibility for their actions is the defining feature of pathological narcissism regardless of gender.
This is the source of their shamelessness.
They cannot tolerate the possibility that they are just as good as other people nor can they tolerate the idea that other people have talents that they don’t have.
They focus on the flaws of others, even flaws that don’t exist.
Fatal Flaw #5
They expect their friends and family members to act as props to their grandiose
sense of superiority.
Healthy people resist and move on.
Fatal Flaw #6
They take pride in their vicious attacks.
A narcissist will boast about doing things that other people find offensive. They will describe their humiliation of someone as if it is an act of courage.
Healthy people will have nothing to do with it; and eventually their enablers become targets of their scorn.
Fatal Flaw #7
Narcissists don’t mature with age.
Their sense of superiority makes it impossible for them to learn from their mistakes and like children, they continue to bully or seek revenge on people for imagined insults, or any talent that threatens their delusions of superiority.
The female narcissist is always the best and most deserving little girl in the world.
Fatal Flaw #8
Their conversations revolve exclusively around themselves, their projects and their achievements.
Fatal Flaw #9
People who fail to collude with the narcissist in her grandiosity and devaluation of other people are worthless.
The result is that their relationships are shallow and short.
Fatal Flaw #10
The Narcissist must have total control over the people in her life which includes what they think.
Fatal Flaw # 11:
The narcissist assumes that other people are also devoid of insight and shame.
She becomes paranoid because she believes that other people are as vindictive as she is and are also out for revenge.
She will make up a conflict to restore a sense of equilibrium and to have a crisis to bring to her enablers.
She wanders from relationship to relationship and enabler to enabler because she always drops the mask and reveals the ugliness of her narcissism.
If you are now under attack by an abusive narcissist save every written word, every raging communication; and every email forwarded to you by others.
Narcissists fear the shame of exposure.
In the best of all possible worlds the Narcissist will move on and forget you.
RG (c) 2016