Today I celebrate and share my small victory.
First, some context:
Next month I begin my sixth year of therapy.
It takes a long time to learn how to live with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
It took three years of therapy for me to get well enough to blog.
Two primary symptoms of my DID are depersonalization and Identity Alteration.
Depersonalization is a term used to describe the feeling of being outside of one’s own body. This experience is the act of being depersonalized from oneself, hence the term: depersonalization. People describe their experience as an “out of body” experience in which they are not in control of their own body and in extreme cases they may not even recognize themselves in the mirror.
Identity alteration is much more noticeable in that it is outwardly visible in signs from the affected individual. Someone experiencing identity alteration may use different facial expressions, a different type of language, a different accent, or a different tone of voice. People who experience identity alteration may be able to identify that they have experienced identity alteration but this is not always the case. When an individual with a severe form of identity alteration or dissociative identity disorder, experiences an alteration in their identity, they are often completely unaware of what has taken place and are just as confused as those watching the event take place. Frequently identity alteration and identity confusion are paired together when being discussed as to their role and observance in dissociative personality disorder.
The disconnection between my mind and my body is so extreme that
I’m phobic about taking and posting pictures of myself.
In the years I’ve owned a camera and a camera enabled cell phone
I’ve not taken a selfie.
My Therapist and I agree that on some level I think that releasing a
current photo is like losing control of the body.
Control over the body is important to survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
So, posting a current photo, even this crappy one, represents great progress
I give you, a fresh selfie!
Posting this is one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time.
Dude looks like a garden gnome. 🙂
Please share your blog links in the comments section of this post.
What small victories do you celebrate today?
(c) Rob Goldstein September 2016