Today I celebrate and share my small victory.
First, some context:
Next month I begin my sixth year of therapy.
It takes a long time to learn how to live with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
It took three years of therapy for me to get well enough to blog.
Two primary symptoms of my DID are depersonalization and Identity Alteration.
Depersonalization
Depersonalization is a term used to describe the feeling of being outside of one’s own body. This experience is the act of being depersonalized from oneself, hence the term: depersonalization. People describe their experience as an “out of body” experience in which they are not in control of their own body and in extreme cases they may not even recognize themselves in the mirror.
Identity Alteration
Identity alteration is much more noticeable in that it is outwardly visible in signs from the affected individual. Someone experiencing identity alteration may use different facial expressions, a different type of language, a different accent, or a different tone of voice. People who experience identity alteration may be able to identify that they have experienced identity alteration but this is not always the case. When an individual with a severe form of identity alteration or dissociative identity disorder, experiences an alteration in their identity, they are often completely unaware of what has taken place and are just as confused as those watching the event take place. Frequently identity alteration and identity confusion are paired together when being discussed as to their role and observance in dissociative personality disorder.
The disconnection between my mind and my body is so extreme that
I’m phobic about taking and posting pictures of myself.
In the years I’ve owned a camera and a camera enabled cell phone
I’ve not taken a selfie.
My Therapist and I agree that on some level I think that releasing a
current photo is like losing control of the body.
Control over the body is important to survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
So, posting a current photo, even this crappy one, represents great progress
in therapy.
I give you, a fresh selfie!
Posting this is one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time.
Dude looks like a garden gnome. 🙂
Please share your blog links in the comments section of this post.
What small victories do you celebrate today?
(c) Rob Goldstein September 2016
Thanks for sharing the photo – you’re lookin’ good! Today’s small victory was my getting back to hydrotherapy — and the long nap I took this afternoon. 🙂
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Sounds good! A long nap is what I need. I just returned from therapy…man has this been a chaotic weekend! Thank you for your comment; much appreciated.
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I guess that I didn’t make the cut…congrats to those who did.
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Actually that’s not it–and I worried about people I may have left out. I ran out of time and concentration…everyone I follow is worthy of being in that list…
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Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here.
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Robert
I’m blessed to have several small victories, the top victory is not letting how my body feels drive me, I worked at a fast pace, with excitement of a new blogger. I’ve blogged since 2005 and the compassion, empathy and love of people not met has grow in the last two years. Maybe age, maybe taking control of my illness or maybe my mental illness is letting me drive for a while.
🙂
M
http://www.lookingforthelightblog.wordpress.com
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That’s a big victory!
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Robert
You have accomplishments to celebrate everyday, not only with yourself, you share the experience with us. Educating us on the illness and the battle you face. You face the beast very well from where I’m standing. I had no idea what to think you looked like, I encourage you to continue to push the envelop. I won’t post a photo of myself either, different reason, but still not showing. I didn’t realize the ping easier in day was to come look at the post.
I’ll comment on your question after I give some thought.
Hugs
Melinda
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A very lovable gnome 😊 💖 It is moving what thoughts you put into that day. It touched me how far you have come and that you are not allowing a mental disease to bring you down. Thank you so much for the mention. I am blessed to be connected to such a kind-hearted and inspiring collection of people we call Robert!
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🙂 Thank you Erika. You’re a good friend.
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The Dude looks just fine. Gronda
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LOL…for a garden gnome….
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Reblogged this on NANMYKEL.COM and commented:
Congratulations to you and your guts.
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Thank you! Not everyone will reveal that they’ve become a garden gnome…
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You’re beautiful, dude, inside and out! (Please tell Bobby I really miss him, and when I get over the shock of discovering I’m a vampire I’ll come over and play)
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The truth is Bobby was the one that took that picture…The idea was to get a recent shot. Bobby always has a playful, slightly stoned look in his eyes.
When I come out the body goes through a metamorphosis similar to the end of an old Dracula movie. I look about 15 years older. Or so I think…
In which state did you become a Vampire. I hear it’s taxed in New York…:)
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I suspected that was Bobby. That dreamy far-away look.
I’m afraid I became a vampire in a state of deep dissociation that lasted months. It was painful and scary. Now I give myself permission to only go out in the daytime when I absolutely must.
I think it happened in Tucson, last February, when everything changed.
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It’s funny that you noticed the eyes…you’re serious about becoming a vampire…Wow–that is scary!
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