My Many Several Selves

A Virtual reality photograph of a male and a female avatar in front of a white mist surrounded by pink and lavander
Dolls

Dissociative alternates are a bit like imaginary friends.

The difference is that an alternate has its own life and its own way of being.

Alternates can be babies, children, teens, male, female or objects.

Very young alternates may have the limited verbal skills of a toddler.

Some people with DID have alternates that speak different languages, have different talents and even different physical abilities and handicaps.

One of my alternates is very old.

He has always been very old.

When he is out my joints hurt, my body is stiff and it
is painful for me to walk..

The teen alternate named Bobby is 16.

When he is out the body has the flexibility and vigor of a 16-year-old.

When psychotherapy is successful the alternates become more aware of each other and learn to collaborate.

Even so, the alters still come out spontaneously.

I have at least six alternates that use Second Life.

The alternates that use Second Life us it as a form of recreation.

They have no interest in the other members, in part because my alternates are not role plays in a computer game.

Second Life is an extension of our inner world.

The whole point of an inner world is that it’s private.

Sara is the oldest alternate and is the protector.

She is very protective of the younger alternates and of
children in general.

She use virtual reality to play dress up which is exactly what
she did when the body was a child.

Sara is a huge fan of Julie London and Morgana King.

Felicity uses Sara’s account.

She enjoys using erotic animations and elaborate costumes. She also writes poetry and erotic short stories.

She likes House music, Grace Jones, Madonna and Britney Spears.

Bobby is a teen.

He age slides from 14 to 20.

Bobby listens to deadmau5, Blackalicious and Dj Shadow

Bob is an older version of Bobby.

He rarely uses Virtual Reality but when he does it’s for horseback riding.

Bob listens to Bluegrass and Classic Rock

Rob is the writer and editor.

He is obsessed with poetry and art will remove anyone
who gets that gets in the way of his work.

Rob listens to folk music and 60’s pop.

The Narrator is responsible for co-coordinating the different stories
and making sense of them.

He uses Virtual Reality to make illustrations for our writings.

The Narrator listens to 90’s rock.

Mateo is the only heterosexual male.

He is also strongly identified with the Black and Latino communities,
probably as a result of witnessing the violent racism of our childhood.

Mateo likes Jazz, Motown and soul…he also likes to use Virtual Reality
to dance at nigh clubs.

Mateo decided in 2009 to take over the body and live in VR.

He wanted his own life, hooked up with a woman and started a Jazz Club.

The result was a decompensation that resulted in complete disability.

Loleeta is a male who refers to himself in his writing as female.

Loleeta is depressed, anxious, angry and suicidal. Of all of my alternates he is the one I fear the most because he is the most self-destructive and self loathing. He likes Metal and Goth.

Matthew is the most recent alternate. He was born in 1992.

Matthew is a devout Catholic and was accepted to the Franciscans in 1993.

He did not become a Franciscan.

He met a partner and has been in that relationship  for over 20 years. He is the one who sought therapy — He rarely uses Virtual Reality.

He likes songs about Faith.

Robby and Peter are my child alters.

Robby is four and Peter age slides between six and sixteen.

Peter only listen to Classical music.

The difference between an “inner kid” and a DID kid is that DID kids are like real kids; they are autonomous and their behavior is not mediated by the adult selves.

Peter knows that the body is an adult.

Robby doesn’t know.

Much of what I know about my alternates I’ve learned  from reading chat logs and looking at the pictures they make of themselves.

I do know that they have conflicting memories of the same event.

This page is designed as a reference point; a place to gather the fragments of my life and so that I and the reader can get a sense of the whole person.

RG 2016

 

 

 


 

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28 thoughts on “My Many Several Selves

  1. I’m hearing a strength of self confidence from you. More than I would hear or observe from the majority of people I’ve known. It’s a natural characteristic of mine to feel proud of other individuals for knowing themselves and their willingness to keep on learning.
    I am feeling a great sense of pride being welcomed into your world of activism, art and writing.
    Thank you –

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for helping me understand DID more fully. I’ve tried to come up with something profound to say, but the best I can come up with is that it sounds exhausting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bradly, thank you for reading and leaving a comment. The respect of other people is one of the most healing forces in the world. The fact that you respect me enough to care is a profound example of what is good about human nature. Thank you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, reading through has my mind racing in many directions; feeling “not-alone” and confused all at the same time. I can’t say that I can relate to you, or your many others’ but since I can remember there have been blocks of time lost in my world, that are unexplained and confusing to me. I’ve had chunks of time, years even taken away from me. Memories that others have of me that I don’t recall, yet here I am a 32 year old woman who knows that something isn’t right… Why has my mind taken those moments from me? I think often about this, but your blog post has me thinking I could have had an alternate personality take charge when I couldn’t handle the situations, events, or abuse… I’d love to know more about my past, and WHY- but only feel hypnotizing would be my best bet, to get to the bottom of it all. I look forward to reading more about you, and thank you for allowing yourself to let this out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you think you have a dissociative disorder the I strongly advise you to seek out a qualified psycho-dynamic psychotherapist. It is possible for a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder to appear functional and to be highly functional in many fields…

      Thank you for reading my blog..Your memory loss may be due to other reason…the best way to find out is
      to see a therapist who has a psycho dynamic understanding of human behavior and who is up to date
      on the excellent recent research that
      validates the existence of DID as a mental health problem.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My sister suffers with DID. She too has several alters. She came to live with me and is no longer able to work. Sometimes when she goes somewhere, she may get in her car and the little ones are out and they can’t drive so she calls me. It is a difficult life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it is difficult but it has its rewards. I hope that your sister’s condition improves–she is lucky to have you…I am also lucky as far as having people in my life who love me and who work to get past the stereotypes that are a plague on all people with psychiatric conditions. Thank you for reading my post and for leaving a comment…:)

      Liked by 2 people

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