A heavily processed video grab from an amateur movie which shows a young man in pain. The colors of vivid pinks and blues

Sacrament

I thought if I found

the right people

If I learned about

the mind,

about art and history.

If I lived my truth

Became the best

of all possible

people, this pain

would go away.

I fed on faith,

lived to find the

higher ground

or

fought everyone

around me to make

the pain go away…

But it didn’t–

And it doesn’t–

And it probably

never will.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved

26 thoughts on “Sacrament

  1. Pain is so complex, isn’t it? We try to scratch our way out but sometimes there’s seemingly no end… Your words are intense – a sign of a good poem. Thanks for the reblog yesterday, dear friend

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This stirs up a lot of feelings for me. If I had to choose one thing here, it’s “speak your truth”. I think that’s the core of all shifts. Speak your truth and trust the process. Eventually, you end up learning to love yourself and the rest falls in to place:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is wonderful, Rob. Your writing got me thinking that sometimes the pain never goes away, but with awareness and personal growth it can be tamed somehow allowing us to live a better life than we would otherwise.
    I hope you’re having a good day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I like this piece so much. Pain is like the internal compass we use to navigate our way through personal growth. There’s no way to completely avoid it, and equally no way to grow without the lessons we learn from it. G-uno

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. This is how I see this. I wrote it a few weeks ago. It reflects a shift in understanding. The pain is also a part of who I am. The fact that I have it makes me human. The DID is part of who I am. I will always be dissociative but I don’t have to live at the mercy of it. It is an act of creativity that I can learn to discipline. There are no right people. And education is the path to a better understanding of other people and other time, a way to know one’s place in the history of our species, but it doesn’t place you beyond the reach of life’s pain. It’s great to see a comment from you. I am way overdue for a visit to your blog.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Matthew. Life has been a bit over whelming here lately, and I have a lot of reading/posting to catch up on as well. The thing I enjoy most about your posts is that you really know how to get us all thinking. I have a theory about people in general. If everyone does not fit into the category most people fall into then we tend to regard those who don’t as being ” abnormal,”but what in fact if this rarer group of people are actually above normal? Perhaps the differences in our thought processes are there to raise our level of thinking. Keep in mind no one ever associates normal with genius. 😉
        G-uno

        Liked by 1 person

      2. What you say is true. Most people don’t stop to consider that everything about today’s culture was abnormal fifty years ago. Same sex couples, mixed race couples, women in corporate positions, single parent households, in vitro fertilization, routine organ transplants and a public consensus that life probably exists elsewhere in our universe. All of these ideas were abnormal and a couple of them were against the law.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes exactly my point! I think we have to evolve enough to stop labeling , and deciding that because something is not familiar to us that it is “abnormal.” That belief system is negative as well as damaging from the start. When we see an exotic flower for the first time we don’t label it abnormal, we say how rare, beautiful & exotic it is. We should absolutely do the same thing when it comes to a fellow human being! Imagine how different our lives would be. 😉 G-uno

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Rob, I thank you for your brutally honest words. I am watching a loved one retreat into a pain that he will not share. I can hope the support groups help, but I can’t go in with him. I’ve tried my own support and it hasn’t always been much help. I reach out in FB support groups and that can be helpful. I can’t tell anyone I know how they feel. I can only attest that anyone who goes through such inner struggles is a true warrior. Peace, Pam.

    Liked by 1 person

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