Seen on Valencia Street in San Francisco in 2011, a graffiti drawing of a young artist next to the words, If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission.

The Cycle of Abuse, Free Your Mind

Some days it feels as if my crazy ass Mother is in charge of the U.S. government.

Animated GIF of a scene from Joan Crawford's Straight Jacket in which her homicidal daughter hurls an ax at her
It’s like I woke up to find my crazy making family in charge of the government.

I found this old handout from my days as a treatment provider in San
Francisco’s mental health system.

It was written for survivors of domestic violence.

Few situations are more crazy making and chaotic than life with a
psychologically a
busive parent or spouse.

Here are 14 points to consider as you work to free your mind from the
narcissistic cycle of Abuse.

There is the difference between humility and

We reject and expose gaslighting.


A meme found online that describes the gaslighting stgrategy of denying what is true even when presented with physical evidence
Gas lighting, Red Flag

We call a lie a lie.

Healthy people do not tell other people what they want.

Anger is normal when trust is betrayed.

We have the right to say no.

We have the right to our own opinions.

We have the right to honest relationships.

We let abusive people suffer the consequences of their
without guilt.

We expect friends and family members who hurt us
to know how to apologize.

No one will tell us what to think.

We do not take the blame for things we did not do.

When people violate our bodies and minds we hold
them accountable.

Accepting what we cannot change means changing
what we can.

The self-loathing projections of the abuser do not define us.

A friend who can’t feel shame and admit to being wrong is not
worth keeping.



Text and header image (c)  Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved








26 thoughts on “The Cycle of Abuse, Free Your Mind

  1. VERY POWERFUL Robert… I even googled the lyrics to make sure I didn’t miss any. Thank you for reminding me about the term gaslighting as well..



    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my friend. When the Trump administration is over the whole country will need to process the psychological abuse of Russia’s propaganda/gaslighting campaigns. I love that cover of Redemption Song. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well said, Rob. I’m sorry I did not see this sooner.
    “The self-loathing projections of the abuser do not define us.” That is so very hard to achieve — yet an important truth. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve always appreciated your insight and courage as an advocate to advance the quality of life for people. It does help people 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. From my POV everyone in the U.S. is a victim of psychological abuse.

        I’ve never seen anything like this from our government.

        A President who calls our legal system a laughing stock sends out his press secretary to deny
        that he said it.

        This is the use of the power of the Office of the President of the United States to gaslight
        a nation.

        So, I hope many people read this because America is trapped in a cycle of abuse and the only way
        to free ourselves is unite and say NO!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. From the beginning of his campaign, it’s been strange to me how many people don’t recognize his behavior for what it is. I keep thinking how nice it is that people haven’t experienced this level of narcissism enough to identify it from a mile away, but then it’s at the expense of our entire country and that saddens me, scares me, makes me angry.
    This idea that he would ever take suggestion, apologize, or that he could elevate himself to the expectations of office, evolve in any way, was never a possibility. I remain shocked at how uninformed people are. Waiting for him to change or get better.
    I’m not into qualifying or comparing pain, but this must be an even more painful time for many, you among them. Sometimes I feel like your crazy ass mother is running the country too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The most frustrating thing about dealing with narcissists is their shameless willingness to do anything to avoid accepting the consequences for their shitty behavior. It’s hard to fathom the extremes because the stakes usually so small. Narcissists are very good at playing victim and they abuse power to force other people to conform to their delusional sense of entitlement. Trump has given us a gift. Trump has exposed every abusive sociopath in America because ALL Of THEM gaslight. Now we know that when someone lies about his lies it’s called gaslighting.


    1. Thank you. I always appreciate your comments. The people came to my groups were spiritually worn down by physical and psychological abuse. Giving them strategies for taking back their power was always energizing for everyone in the group.

      Liked by 1 person

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