The Gospel According to Republican Jesus

Humor, Politics, The Resistance

One of the more interesting characters to emerge in 2017 is Republican Jesus.

Here are a few of my favorite verses from the fake bible of America’s fake Christians.  I found these on Twitter and Google search.

I do not own them.

Republican Jesus meme that reads, 'For you were a stranger so I vilified you."
You were a stranger so I vilified you.

 

A Republican Jesus Meme that reads, "Love Thy Neighbor as long as he's the same race and religion and not a homo."
Love Thy Neighbor as long as he’s the same race and religion and not a homo.

 

Republican Jesus meme that reads, "Crush your enemies, see them driven out before you, hear the lamentation's of their women. "
Crush your enemies, see them driven out before you, hear the lamentation’s of their women.

 

Republican Jesus meme that reads, "Only feed the ones who pass the drug test"
Only feed the ones who pass the drug test

 

Meme of Republican Jesus asking for proof of insurance before healing a child.
Before I heal you I need proof of insurance.

 

Meme of Republican Jesus who says, "and Christian's will ignore the sick and poor and build bigger churches to prove their Christianity."
and Christian’s will ignore the sick and poor and build bigger churches to prove their Christianity.

 

Republican Jesus says to the leper, "And Jesus said to the Leper, "I'm sorry, you have a preexisting condition."
And Jesus said to the Leper, “I’m sorry, you have a preexisting condition.”

 

Republican Jesus suffers the little children to come unto him that he may teach them the proper way to hold a gun.
Republican Jesus suffers the little children to come unto him that he may teach them the proper way to hold a gun.

 

Meme of republican jesus saying, "I know he raped you, Sally, but what's really important is the senate seat."
I know he raped you, Sally, but what’s really important is the senate seat.
Republican Jesus meme that reads, "Why should I heal the sick'
Why should I heal the sick?
Republican Jesus I'm going to need to see your papers
Of course I love you but I need to see your documents, except for the little blond one.
epublican Jesus -- Typical Liberal meme
Republican Jesus demands the stoning of Magdalene.

Updated February 15, 2018

Rob Goldstein

22 thoughts on “The Gospel According to Republican Jesus”

  4. Dear Rob,

    Thank you for this blog. These so called Christians are using wedge issues as a weapon like being pro-life when they are really pro-birth only and they don’t even do this well. The USA has been #1 in infant mortality rates for decades out of all the developed countries.

    They give the name of Christianity a bad name.

    Hugs, Gronda

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sick of the lie of pro-life movement. It is possible to believe that abortion should be an option of last resort without participating in a movement that is nothing more than a cynical strategy for taking control of women’s bodies.

      Like

  6. My Friend, You made my day! I laughed all the way through these. I guess I have been missing Republican Jesus? I will have to search him out. Don’t want to sneak up on him though since he is packing! LOL!
    Chuck

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I loooooove these! I always love stuff like this. People need Jesus. I’m not a Christian, but I know when some people need them some Jesus. LOL Great post, Robert!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Hahahahaha! I’m pretty sure the entire “Evangenital Christian” Movement is a get into heaven free scam. I did some Consulting for our local right-wing Church on behalf of our City council’s commission for the disabled. The church in question is also charismatic and performs Faith healings and they wanted to know how they could provide compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act when they don’t actually believe people can have disabilities… I was told that this was just one of the many many reasons why they don’t like government. The pastor was extremely rude and patronizing because I couldn’t accept that my blindness was due to a “moral failing on my part and an inability to accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior…”

    Liked by 1 person

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