28 August 1999 (you got less than a month, right?)
Hey Dude,
Today be Jamie’s birth date day, and we’s havin’ a barbecue
in his honor if he ain’t drunk an’ if he shows up.
Jack be doing the cookin’, I’m on the eatin’ committee.
Maybe we can do it again when you get out, in your honor.
(Oops, I didn’t mean that your honor. No, I won’t reproach the bench.)
I had me one of them birth date days too, 4 days ago.
It was ho-hum, which they get after the first six years.
An I didn’t get no cake… an I didn’t get no party neither…But I turn 38 in 2001 so mark your calendar. (I bet that’s one thing you got good at.)
What did I get, you ask.
Lessee, mmmmm oh yeah! I got a couple of CD’s, an ooh! Ooh! That reminds me–you ain’t seen my stud-o-saurus yet.
He don’t walk softly but he do carry a big stick.
Where was I, oh yeah, the “loot.”
I got myself a couple of pairs of REAL GOOD sunglasses, a DVD, an a
headache.
You got me worried with talk of Bactrin and Pentantamine.
Is the prison doing this for prevention or did you come down with AIDS?
Did I mention Jake FINALLLLLLLLLY moved in, lock, stock, and porno?
I gave up but suu-prize, suu-prize, suu-prize.
Jake was in solitary for 8 months.
Eight months!
I hope they named a tile after him.
I guess I better work up an appetite by staring at food for a while.
Them pills my doc gives me don’t work so good.
I hate it when the present is the past and the future is now.
I guess what I mean is there ain’t no place to be when you’re being here now.
Got that?
Laters dude!
9c) Rob Goldstein 1992-2018
I found this on an old hard drive. The file is dated 1999
“there ain’t no place to be when you’re being here now.” I’m trying to think of a reply, but I’m lost in the dart forest of life without a flashlight… so I don’t know whether or not i’m here now or not. 🙂
I think this dude might know Dank & Dabby from Disjointed though.
Hugs!
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Now that I’ve seen Dank & Dabby I can see that assessment. I see this character as one of life’s innocent bad guys; people whose crimes are against themselves.
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“Innocent bad guys” fits a lot of people I’ve met. He would be a fun character to write about.
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From what I can tell, he and his buddies are former and current inmates, most likely for petty crimes. The letter is a to a friend and our main guy has a passive aggressive style of communication. The implication is that the writer and the recipient of the letter or email have HIV which is implied by the writers reference to AIDS treatments and the need to stare at food to work up an appetite.
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I apologize. Not such a fun character. Sometimes it’s hard to know where humor ends and tragedy begins.
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Fun characters sometimes have tragic lives. One of the funniest memories I have of my friend Kitt was the last time I saw him, the day he died. I told him I was going to miss him and he said the same. I replied that he was the one going away and Kitt said, “I’m going to haunt you, queen. Count on it.”
We both laughed. It was a sad moment but it was also deeply human.
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Thanks for sharing Robert. Sad. I hope all birthdays are much better now! Hugs
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He’s just a character. Someone I dreamed up one day in 1992 , I think.
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Totally intriguing, there’s a lot of stuff going on.
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When I was younger I’d dash off a quick character study and hit save. This is one of those squirmy pieces where I think I know what it’s about, but not really. Thanks for the comment, Ivor. 🙂
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Always my pleasure
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Brilliant!
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Thanks again, Paula. I’m glad you like it.
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