Digital Photo of a female avatar is a red evening gown

Who Does He Think She is?

Coping with Dissociative Identity Disorder, LGBTQ, Mental Health, Photography and Art, Virtual Photography

When we log into Virtual Reality usually one aspect is present.

Everything we do and say reflects a single menu of interests and attitudes.

The person called “I” can imagine being almost anything.

So virtual reality is not an escape; it’s a becoming, and our primary tools for becoming are the animations and objects we make or buy in the moment.

We shoot most of our photos in a dark surreal nowhere.

That is how life feels to us.

Sara is the oldest alternate.

She used to come out when the body was little and dress in Mother’s gowns.

Sara used to wear Daddy’s tee shirts and pretend they were a nightie.

Mother used to send us out on Halloween dressed like a little girl.

Sara liked it when the neighbors told her how pretty she was and Mother liked when Sara came out because Mother wanted a little girl.

Sara had to go inside when we started school and became a boy.

She often feels lonely.

Digital Portrait of a female avatar in a fur coat
Portrait of Sara

When Mother hurt us, Sara came out, dressed up, and danced
for us.

Sara is nice.

She likes people.

But Sara is a protector.

She’s a smart street kid from the Deep South with her nails out.

She’s a fighter but she’s fair.

I guess we made Sara from what we liked best about the girls
and sissy boys we grew up with in Charleston.

Sara likes torch songs from the 1950’s and 60’s.

She especially likes Julie London:

First posted in 2016.

(c) Rob Goldstein  2016-2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Who Does He Think She is?”

  1. Pingback: Dissociative Identify Disorder: A Sliver of Grief – Art by Rob Goldstein

  2. What a voice, that Julie London. I love those torch songs too.
    What you said “dark surreal nowhere”… Somehow that is exactly how I thought it would be.
    I often feel that nothingness around me.
    Hugs to Sara, and to everyyou.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Linda, you and I began to correspond shortly after I started Art by Rob Goldstein blog. When I read the posts from 2014-15 I can see that I was confused and overwhelmed by the diagnosis. I’ve learned so much since that time and have worked very hard to make the most of therapy. At this point, I can see that all of the alternates played a role in my survival as a whole. I may never fully integrate them but I have learned to respect that they represent the best I could do under the circumstances. Thank you for being here. I will always appreciate the unconditional friendship offered by you and your Mother.

      Liked by 1 person

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