Digital painting based on Based on The Last Supper, ca. 1520, Andrea Solari, after Leonardo da Vinci, oil on canvas, in the Leonardo da Vinci Museum, Tongerlo Abbey.

The personal is political, again

Warning:  May be triggering

I Believe Christine Blasey Ford

Here’s why:

‘Gay looking’ boys are frequent targets for rape in misogynist cultures.

The victims are usually blamed for it; as if gay people invite violence
by living.

I was 12, an outcast, a sissy.

I wanted to be liked; so when two guys in their late teens asked me if I wanted to party, I said yes.

They got me drunk.

They got me high; and I lay there and stared at a cheap painting of the Last Supper as they stripped me and took turns.

I felt betrayed and ashamed.

I bled for a week and told no one because I thought I wanted it.

It took decades for me to realize I was only 12, that it was rape.

Listening to Christina Blasey Ford brought back memories.

The Kavanaugh Hearing feels like rape.

We don’t have to live like this.

We don’t have to live at the mercy of heartless predators.

Rob Goldstein 2018

The Personal is Political

Header image based on The Last Supper, ca. 1520, Andrea Solari, after Leonardo da Vinci, oil on canvas, in the Leonardo da Vinci Museum, Tongerlo Abbey.

36 thoughts on “The personal is political, again

    1. Thank you JoHanna. There should have been adults around to protect me. We can be those adults for the children of today; Children in detention centers are being raped by their guards. We need to put an end to Trump’s policy of incarcerating children.

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      1. It’s as if a corrupt foreign power occupies the Federal Government of United States, the World’s most powerful ally of Democracy and the rule of law. We know from history that great civilizations destroy themselves but our technology is powerful enough to destroy, at least temporarily, the planets ability to support life. Trump is a very sick man who corrupts everyone in his sphere of influence. His presence as president is a daily rape of the American Dream.

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  1. Thank you for speaking your pain Rob. This whole thing with dirty GOP, dirty WH and dirty judges is ripping the country all right. If we are to pull anything good out of this nightmare is the power those of us have gained to unite and share our pain and empower others to rise up and fight this horrible and dangerous administration. I too am a survivor. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sigh… Rob, me too.
    It’s the kind of pain that never goes away, not even decades later. The humiliation, the “dirty” feeling — it’s always there. I wish there was light after dark, I wish it did make me stronger rather than just colder.
    If anyone who really has been raped or assaulted feels stronger or sees light as a result, then I’m truly happy for them. I wish I saw a light rather than darkness without end, I wish I felt strong in a way that was more than hardened ice.
    Your description of a ‘confederacy of rapists’ is spot-on.
    Hugs on the wing, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Teagan,

      Words cannot convey how frightening it is for me to see the government of the People of the United States of America run by the kinds of men and women who tortured and raped me because they thought my life was worthless. It almost makes me think that my struggle for sanity is meaningless.

      I’m also sad to learn of the death of Buffalo Tom Peabody.

      It feels like losing a friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I loved his wit — we had one of those blogger friendships where there is a bond only not?

        We never got to the sharing emails stage. 🙂

        I noticed when he was gone. I visited his blog every week in hope of an update. I really hoped he was on a break.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave and strong! I was also deeply affected by the hearing. It was difficult to watch and I hope the government makes the morally right and sound decision.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There are predators in every race, religion, and ethnic background. The best thing we can do is teach our children to be self-aware and pray they stay safe.
    My daughter had a bad encounter as a young teen. She refused to talk (to me anyway) about it, but it changed her. She began to cut herself and retreated from her friends. I felt helpless.
    Thank God she’s strong. She dragged herself out of her depression inch by painful inch. Moved away at eighteen, went to university, and had a son.
    You can get past a traumatic event, as long as you don’t let it define you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Jacqui,

      I’m glad your daughter was able to recover and put her life together.

      I hope she is happy and thriving.

      A rape can define you for as long as you fail to see it within the context of
      our socioeconomic system.

      Rape has a context.

      How did Bill Cosby get away with it for so many years?

      My rape was a misogynist act of homophobia, which made sense in
      a culture that universally agreed homosexuals were a deviant menace.

      In retrospect, I’m surprised they didn’t kill me.

      Given the time and the place, they could have killed me and gotten away with it.

      I moved on from this assault only after I understand the context that made the
      assault possible.

      That was when I realized I was only 12 and I didn’t deserve it.

      Why does it take so long for victims to speak out?

      Because rape culture teaches us we deserve the abuse.

      We must dispense with the idea that we must to live at the mercy of men and women who violate our bodies

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sorry this happened to you, Rob. Monsters abound and they aren’t always obvious. I will never understand how a person can prey on those weaker than themselves and think it makes them invincible.
        I believe there’s a special place in Hell for rapists.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Robert,
    I spent all day watching Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh in what became a debacle of the Senate’s obligation to advise and consent an appointment to the Supreme Court. This debacle continues today with Republicans intent to get a vote and the Democrats intend to delay the vote. What is sickening is both sides are using politics rather than common sense and good judgment to make the decision. Our three-part of check and balances of our government is falling apart before our eyes. It appears no one or no party is willing to risk their political future to stop it. Without the check and balance system in place, our democracy is a slippery slide for failure. This began even before the Clinton years and has progressively become the divisiveness it is today. God help our country and its future to survive.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Politics should be the application of common sense. I’m not exactly sure how Democrats are expected to respond. In my opinion they’ve been too passive. Whether we like it or not, politics in United States is filthy with corruption and as long as one side continues to abuse its procedural power and spread lies about its opposition to achieve its goals the minority party must take its battles to the public arena. What we saw in that hearing with Grassley and Havanaugh was a confederacy of rapists. I don’t believe that both sides are equal, not because democrats are good, but because the GOP has held Democrats to a higher ethical standard for the past thirty years.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Rape is an abuse of power and there is a mindset to rape. The rapist assumes he is entitled to do as he pleases without consequences. It’s absolutely horrifying to see people like this in charge of our government. Taking toddlers away from their parents and locking them in cages is the same kind of evil as rape. Thank you, Robbie.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I had to shut down psychologically for a couple of days because I was getting confused. The people in our government are like the anti-Semitic racists of my childhood. It’s very distressing. I want that to be something I’m imagining which is how I know it’s real.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I think the reason I’m so upset is it doesn’t need to be this sad and hateful. Americans have we can do better and we know what we have to do to foster the kind of democracy that values learning and the creative spirit. What makes this period in American history so shameful is that all of us know it’s shameful, including Trump’s supporters and the racists and Russian propagandists who target them with their lies. I am cursed with having a memory of an America that considered the sight of public poverty a sign of barbarianism. I grew up in an America whose President drew cheers when he said:

        “In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility — I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it — and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.
        And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.
        My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.”

        John Kennedy

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I appreciate your comments, though I can’t always reply immediately

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