Art by Rob Goldstein

Dissociative Identity Disorder: The Monsters Are Back

Some context.

I often write from the perspective of an alternate personality, in this case Peter, a child alternate who thinks he’s a ghost. I first posted this piece in July 2016.

Warning: Content may be triggering.

The Monsters are Back


Today was a week and now is a year.

Grief

Grieve

Grieving

Art by Rob Goldstein
Scissors

It’s 1958; monsters are everywhere.

They hiss faggot as I walk with my
head bowed.

They gather in packs and surround me.

I freeze in horror and shame.

It’s 2018 and the monsters are back.

I know these monsters;

They killed me when I was five.

A black and white screenshot of avatars staged to represent a child alternate named Peter and protector alternate named Bobby.
A screenshot of avatars staged to represent a child alternate named Peter and protector alternate named Bobby.

All material on this page (c) Rob Goldstein 2016-2018

More info: What is an alternate?

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30 thoughts on “Dissociative Identity Disorder: The Monsters Are Back

  1. May all of our monsters be banished, my friend. This post is well worth re-sharing. The images are evocative. I hope today has been a better day. Hugs on butterfly wings

    1. Thank you Teagan. One of my relatives is a therapist and she says some of her clients are in crisis over trump. To abuse survivors Trump’s behavior looks like physical and psychological abuse and we are horrified to see our government behave like a drunken psychopath. The fact that Trump doesn’t drink doesn’t mean his behavior is sober. His drug is power and he’s never been higher.

  2. Hello Robert, it’s been awhile. I’ve been busy. You popped into my mind and I knew I needed to come and see how you were doing. Life is such a challenge no matter who you are but your life has a special kind challenge. But through it you have educated so many people to understand this exists. Sometimes we never know the reason and some we don’t want to know the reason. But I will make a point of not staying away so long this time.

    1. SonniQ. Thank you for your support. I’m not well right now. My country feels like a housing project in the Deep South. My neighbors are the armed alcoholics and the ignorant people on Earth. That was how life felt when I was a child. I was right about the neighbors. They tortured anyone who questioned them. They would chop them up with a saw.

  3. Very powerful! I am sorry you have a new alternate..Not sure if this a good thing or not, but I am pretty sure it’s protective..You needed protection and I truly hope with grieving, you can eventually heal.. <3

    1. I don’t think this is a new alternate. I think that on the day of that event I thought I was dying and this why that alternate thinks he’s dead. Thank you for your comment…I’m lucky to have friends and family who understand and respect me.

  4. I love your artwork for this blog post. It’s really beautiful, and I especially liked what you did with all of the “overlapping”/”reflecting” parts.
    Your poems were amazing, too. Great post!

  5. My heart reaches out to you Robert! The pain that is, may never cease to be…but we’re here to share your sorrow and I hope that makes a difference!

    1. Your insight is profound. The path toward healing is to accept that there may always be pain and to accept that what could have been will never be–and to use what you know and feel to help people who feel lost in their pain. I can’t think of any act more healing than the act of helping to heal others.

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