The Narcissistic Apology

from CynthiaBaileyRug

CynthiaBaileyRug

Narcissists are the most superficial bunch of people you can imagine.  Everything about them is a charade, right down to their apologies.

On the rare occasion they do apologize,  there isn’t one sincere thing about it.  Maybe they say the right words, but I can assure you, there is nothing sincere about apologies coming from a narcissist.

If you’re wondering how you can be sure whether or not the narcissist in your life truly means their apology, I am going to list some differences below between a sincere apology & a narcissistic apology.

  • Sincere apologies always include accepting responsibility for the wrong that was done & don’t shift blame.  Narcissists may say they are sorry for what they did, but then they make an excuse for it.  “I’m sorry I said that, but I wouldn’t have said it if you wouldn’t have done….”  Or, they may even deny doing…

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Chit-Chat with a Narcissist

Narcissist on the phone, frantic: I left for a month without giving you the
money I owe you; why didn’t you remind me?

Me: Because you lie to me, then verbally abuse me when I confront you about it. I’ve already said I won’t contact you until you apologize for both in writing. 

Narcissist on the phone, a tone of concern: But you said you needed the money!

Me: Add gaslighting to the list of abuses for which I want an apology. Bye.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved

Dear Pathological Narcissist

Dear Pathological Narcissist,

It is not my job to make you feel good
about abusing me.

Therefore:

I will not pretend you don’t lie.

I will not pretend you’re moral.

I will not pretend you’re just joking.

I will not pretend you love me.

I will not pretend it’s OK for you
to destroy me.

When it is Time to go to the Hospital: 11 Steps to Take Before and After Admission

I don’t do well in mental health settings.

I don’t look sick.

I don’t act like a ‘mental patient’.

Not all people with mental illness end up homeless and hallucinating
on the street.

I also have expectations.

I expect my treatment providers to be as passionate as I was when I worked in the field of mental health.

If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder and you are you are about to enter treatment at a Behavioral Health facility it’s a good idea to prepare.

(1)

Don’t assume that behavioral health professionals are trained psychotherapists. Psychotherapy treats the mind. Behavioral Health
treats behaviors.


(2)

If your primary treatment provider is an outside therapist, ask him or
her to communicate your treatment status and history to the facility.

(3)

Confirm that the counselors at the treatment facility have spoken to
your primary therapist when you arrive for your first day.

(4)

Ask if the staff knows how to treat trauma symptoms.

(5)

Do not enable staff ignorance; you have every right to expect your treatment providers to know what they’re treating and to know how to treat it. Speak to the attending psychiatrist if you have concerns. If that fails, make use of grievance procedures to get the most out of your treatment.

(6)

Do treat the staff with respect and consideration. Most people want
to do a good job.

(7)

Do tell the staff about suicidal thoughts or self-destructive alternates.

(8)

Discuss your physical health and if one is needed, ask for a physical.

(9)

If you are diabetic or have high blood pressure, ask the staff to check your blood pressure and sugar levels. Diabetes and high blood pressure affect mood.

(10)

Ask for a medication assessment.  Mention all unusual side effects or problems.

(11)

Don’t enter a hospital or day clinic alone. Ask your partner and friends to call and ask about your progress.  Make sure that you sign the releases the clinic needs to discuss your case with friends and family.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2017

This post is specific to people with Dissociative and other Trauma
related disorders.

Some of this information may not apply to you.

More reading:

Advocacy for mental health: roles for consumer and family organizations and governments

The Importance of Self-Advocacy in Mental Health Recovery


The Self Advocacy Toolkit

stand up against stigma, no health without mental health

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