Captain’s Log, Stardate 1329.1. The Enterprise is en route to Vulcan where Spock will inform Ambassador Sarek of her gender reassignment surgery; since the surgery, Spock has acquired a mysterious magnetic effect on the members of my crew, including myself.
There lived in the ancient City of Felare an old couple
named Lot and Carlotta.
Carlotta’s sincerest desire was a child but she was
past the age of childbearing.
One day, a group of maniacal tourists flew into town.
The men tore into Lot’s tent and demanded to
What could Lot do?
For it is written: women are property and the
old ones ain’t worth squat.
The tourists ‘knew’ Carlotta for three days and two nights.
Eight months later Carlotta was miraculously heavy with
“Lord!” Lot exclaimed, “I have sired a Son.
“Praise God” mumbled Carlotta.
Soon it was time for the census.
“We must make haste from Felare and travel to Bethlehem!” said Lot.
But lo! A star rose in the West, which did confuse Lot who went
north to Landica; avoiding a possible brush with fame.
The Adoration of the Shepherds with Saint Catherine of Alexandria
Rights Metropolitan Museum of Art Terms and Conditions
Portrait of Brother Matthew (c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved
The Story of Lot and Carlotta, (c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved
It was then I realized Roy had murdered his first wife and cared
nothing for his son, Little Jimmy.
I strolled with little Jimmy to the New Haven Green and asked if
he wanted a new Mommy.
“N-Not if Daddy kills her!” he replied.
It was then I thought of cigarettes and contrived a plan.
I married Roy and slowly introduced him to cigarettes.
He smoked a carton a day by our first anniversary.
One day, twenty years later, Little Jimmy returned from Yale.
Roy wheezed as I lit his cigarette.
“Trina!” Roy gasped, “You whore!”
“Shut-up,” I snapped. “Here! I’ll break off the filter!”
“Muthuh!” cried Jimmy, “Leave Fathuh alone or I’ll report you to the Surgeon General!”
“You and what lobby?” I sneered.
However, I was nervous and hastily swallowed the lit evidence.
I asked Jimmy what he had learned at Yale that day.
“Schematics,” he replied.
“Liar…” I grinned. “You were cruising the men’s room in the library. I slipped into one of your Father’s jackets and wore his aftershave.
I saw who you did in the stalls vile boy!”
Roy chortled and slid face first into his ashtray.
I held a mirror to his lips and caught the ashes of his last breath…
(C) Rob Goldstein 1986-2017 All Rights Reserved