Rob’s Weekly News Wrap-Up 02/22-03/01

update 03/03/19

I just learned that the formatting of this post got wonky and needed fixing.
My apologies for whatever it was that caused it.  The post looks fixed now.

This was a week of truth-telling and hypocrisy as Congressional Hearings opened on Wednesday with a day’s worth of public testimony from Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen.

 

My take? GOP congressional reps don’t know who they work for or why they were hired.

 

Trump’s visit to Viet Nam with North Korea’s Kim Jong-un ended with the president looking like a fool when he left early and defended the brutal autocrat’s murder of an American citizen.

Friday opened with news of breaches of National Security at the highest levels of government because the President gives high-level security clearance to family members.

 

Oh yes, and Jussie Smollett:

 

On a personal note, it was a busy week, my podcast with Matt Pappas at Beyond Your Past went live. I’ve also upgraded my video software and other equipment so I have some studying to do.

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Rob Goldstein 2019

 

Rob Goldstein: Featured on Beyond Your Past

I’m proud that I’m this week’s featured podcast on Beyond Your Past.

I have a multiplicity of conflicting opinions about everything including
my diagnosis.

These conflicts manifest as a pattern of symptoms that affect productivity.

Learning to cope with these symptoms is a primary treatment goal.

This is the core of this week’s podcast with Matt Pappas.

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Do Your Alters Agree with the Diagnosis of DID?

2011 Blackerry shot of a graffiti mural in San Francisco's Mission District
Campos

 

The Beyond Your Past Podcast is hosted by Certified Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, and Mental Health Advocate, Matthew Pappas. He is also the founder of SurvivingMyPast.net, a blog in support of all who have survived the Trauma of Abuse.

 

Beyond your past is a great resource for people with C-PTSD and other trauma related symptoms.

‘Portrait of Rob Goldstein #25’ and Campos (c) Rob Goldstein 2019

Dissociative Identify Disorder: A Sliver of Grief

It was easy to get lost in a virtual reality; I’ve always lived in one

My experience of dissociative identity disorder is unique yet part of
a pattern of signs and symptoms expressed by different people in
similar ways.

Each person is unique but our bodies are variations on a theme
shared by all animals.

I like to give a clinical context to my discussions of life with DID.

People with DID are not crazy, I use reason to cope with a chaotic
inner world.

I’ve addressed the experience of psychological regression in earlier posts.

Digital painting of a child weeping in a pool of blood

Regression: n. a return to a prior, lower state of cognitive, emotional, or behavioral functioning. This term is associated particularly with psychoanalytic theory, denoting a situation in which the individual reverts to immature behavior or to an earlier stage of psychosexual development when threatened with overwhelming external problems or internal conflicts. —regress vb. —regressive adj.>>>>

 

Atavistic Regression, a term first used in hypnosis, describes a reversion to the ‘ancestral self’.

Dissociative Identity Disorder begins as a protective self-hypnosis that becomes more extreme and elaborate over time.

“Self hypnosis is central to the development of dissociative symptoms and DID.”Dissociative Spectrum Disorders in the Primary Care Setting

A person with DID may experience atavistic regression on a spectrum from feeling oddly younger to becoming a child self with all the mannerisms and speech patterns of a child.

Child alters often talk in a child-like way, but unlike a biological child they can normally understand abstract concepts and long words. They are often found to hold memories of child abuse which occurred at around the age the child alter feels he/she is.  Some may have the speech or appearance of a very young child, the youngest being unable to talk, read or write. Child alters should not be confused with the concept of having an “inner child”, which applies to non-dissociative people.  Child Alters and DID

Bobby is one of the teens: he has access to a lifetime of information.

My first best friend

A brownie snapshot of a boy age 8 and a girl age 5
My Sister was my first best friend.

I last saw Sandra In 1980.

We watched the sun set at Colonial Lake and reminisced about a game we called Super Girl; I lay on my back and raised her up on my hands and feet: she stretched out like an acrobat and flew while I sang nonsense lyrics to the theme from ‘Superman.”

When Sandra died I went numb and flew to West Virginia; I spoke at her
funeral and flew home the next day.

Sanpshot of the wing of a plane against a surreal horizon taken with my Samsung
On the Flight from Charlotte to San Francisco

Death’s Anniversaries

“Anniversary reactions are the re-experience of a prior traumatic event — a death, a disaster or an individual tragedy. They are triggered by a specific date or event that strikes a chord deep inside our minds, which can be a traumatic portal to the past. A birthday, a notable date or a holiday can link to an earlier moment in our lives that was full of trouble, hurt or conflict. When they do occur, a person who may be highly functioning can be overcome and feel powerlessness, even immobilized.”  Mastering the Anniversary Reaction

When Sandra was born, I was 4 and already dissociating.

When Sandra started walking, I ‘became’ a little girl. I called
myself Sara.

We spent hours playing with dolls or making mud pies on the porch.

Everyone grieves but not everyone grieves in fragments.

After my sister’s birth, my Mother’s abuse worsened, as did the anti-Semitic
abuse of our Evangelical neighbors.

Jews were not the ‘right kind’ of white people in the segregated South
of the early 1960’s.

When I was six I signed my name ‘Antonio’.

I don’t know how many child parts knew my sister and loved her.

Shortly after Christmas, I noticed I felt like a child.

I lost confidence in my writing and lost skills; I forgot how to
proofread and spell.

Then grief and tears and a thought: my first best friend is dead.

‘My first best friend is dead.’

A Sliver of Grief

The Nurse picks
you up and shows
you to

Daddy,

and I
cry

because

I live in

the future

and
you are
dead–

and I am
alone.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2019

This film is an over the top yet accurate depiction of how DID feels inside:

New Year’s Resolutions, 2019: With An Attitude of Gratitude

Last year was a good year; I accomplished most of my goals.

I gave my first podcast interviews, one on Beyond Your Past and another on
The Magic Happens.

Two of my articles about life with Dissociative Identity Disorder are published on Surviving my Past.

I had an amazing collaboration with Teagan Guinevere that stretched my imagination and broadened my skills in graphic design and video.

Teagan wrote a story each week based on the three ‘things’ I gave her the week before.

I used VR to make the illustrations and a weekly video.

This is Gramps and Lulu from Hullaba Lulu on Teagan’s Books.

Illustration for Hulllaba Lulu
Still Life with Giorgio de Chirico

Through my collaboration with Teagan, I met interesting new bloggers and discovered a  thriving community of supportive and gifted writers and
artists.

Offline, I reconnected with an old friend who now lives in Vancouver.

We visited in July; he returned some old books and writings I thought
I’d lost when we moved from Hawaii to San Francisco in the 1980.

I felt like I was greeting long-lost family when I held a few of those old books.

The Cover of St. Genet by Jean Paul Sarte
Saint Genet by Jean Paul Sartre

 

The book cover of the White Paper by Jean Cocteau
The White Paper by Jean Cocteau

In private life, I’m in better mental health despite the triggers and stress of
living under a political regime that feels like an abusive family.

Yet, life must go on.

Here is a short list of goals to achieve within the next 12 Months:

  1. Select and edit the work for a book of poetry.
  2.  Learn about self-publishing.

  3. Publish the book of poems.

  4. Broaden my knowledge of video.

  5. Explore the idea a part-time job with my shrink.

  6. Make my daily walk a daily walk.

  7. Retain an attitude of gratitude.

My partner and I took pictures of each other on our anniversary this year.

This year marked our 29th.

He’s asked me not to post his photo, so here’s mine:

Rob Goldstein in Golden Gate Park, 2018
Golden Gate Park, November 5, 2018

Happy New Year to my WordPress peeps! Hey Laurel! 🙂

Let’s close with something fun! 🙂

I’ll be mostly off until the end of the holidays.

What are your resolutions?

(c) Rob Goldstein 2018