A Celebration of Small Victories

Today I celebrate and share my small victory.

First, some context:

Next month I begin my sixth year of therapy.

It takes a long time to learn how to live with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

It took three years of therapy for me to get well enough to blog.

Two primary symptoms of my DID are depersonalization and Identity Alteration.


Depersonalization is a term used to describe the feeling of being outside of one’s own body. This experience is the act of being depersonalized from oneself, hence the term: depersonalization. People describe their experience as an “out of body” experience in which they are not in control of their own body and in extreme cases they may not even recognize themselves in the mirror.

Identity Alteration

Identity alteration is much more noticeable in that it is outwardly visible in signs from the affected individual. Someone experiencing identity alteration may use different facial expressions, a different type of language, a different accent, or a different tone of voice. People who experience identity alteration may be able to identify that they have experienced identity alteration but this is not always the case. When an individual with a severe form of identity alteration or dissociative identity disorder, experiences an alteration in their identity, they are often completely unaware of what has taken place and are just as confused as those watching the event take place. Frequently identity alteration and identity confusion are paired together when being discussed as to their role and observance in dissociative personality disorder.

Exploring Life Mysteries

The disconnection between my mind and my body is so extreme that
I’m phobic about taking and posting pictures of myself.

In the years I’ve owned a camera and a camera enabled cell phone
I’ve not taken a selfie.

My Therapist and I agree that on some level I think that releasing a
current photo is like losing control of the body.

Control over the body is important to survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

So, posting a current photo, even this crappy one, represents great progress
in therapy.

I give you, a fresh selfie!

Posting this is one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time.


Art by Rob Goldstein
Selfie, September, 10 2016

Dude looks like a garden gnome. 🙂

Please share your blog links in the comments section of this post.

What small victories do you celebrate today?


(c) Rob Goldstein September 2016




Psychological Abuse online is real and Not as Easy to Solve as Pressing the “off” Button

Bully Free Zone


People with trauma related mental health problems bring certain vulnerabilities to their
online interactions.

The same trigger responses that affect our online relationships just as they affect our
relationships in life.

My greatest vulnerability is a childlike faith in the goodness of other people.

It’s a symptom of my DID.

It invites people to try to take advantage of me.

I am also vulnerable to letting narcissistic bullies into my life.

Online abuse often takes the form of communications that are insulting,
threatening, devaluing, and mocking.
When the abuse happens online, the abuser is a cyber-bully.
Cyber-bullies target online activities, communications, and friends.
They will repeatedly send you unwanted messages or other kinds of communication.
They will try to intrude in your online activities and will actively defame you on
social networking sites.
They will gather information from your friends and encourage others to harass you, claiming to be harassed by you.
They will also approach your friends to get information about you or to create conflict in your relationships with others.
Abuse is always about control.
Abusers want to control the lives and actions of the people they target.
Abusers will also use alternate accounts on social networks to stalk and harass you.
From a “Healthy Place”
How to tell when you are dealing with online abuse:
Abusers will engage in:
  • Name calling or insults; mocking
  • Threats and intimidation
  • Ignoring or excluding
  • Isolating
  • Humiliating
  • Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim
     From Wikipedia
Male and female perpetrators of emotional and physical abuse show high rates of personality disorders, particularly borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder
What can you do to protect yourself?
From ABC News:
1. DO NOT respond to this person. Engaging with the bully often only makes matters worse. They feed off their victim’s misery and pain.
2. Make a copy of the message, photo, or video. The best way to do this is to copy the URL of the specific webpage where it’s happening.
3. Contact the website operators by phone, email and any contact submission forms that they have available on their site.
4. File a report with your local police department.
If necessary, file a complaint with the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). The IC3 is a partnership between the FBI, the National White Collar Crime Center, and the Bureau.
My personal suggestion is that you let your friends and contacts know what it happening and that you limit your online communication to people who are fully aware of the seriousness of cyber bullies and who will work with you to promote safety.

I also recommend that you keep screen-shots of all abuse email and texts.

In many ways I’m grateful to the bullies I’ve met over the past five years.

They have taught me that I am strong, and that I simply continue to be myself most
people will figure out the con.

Social media is a real asset for those of us who want to find ways to live past
the pain.

A bully’s pleasure is your silence.

Don’t give it to him.

RG 2014




In the South of my Childhood (part two)

Back from the ShadowsIn the South of my Childhood

One of the benefits of blogging one’s story is that readers often shape the way the story is told.

Someone asked me how it is that there was no one to prevent the beating that day at the school bus stop.

That’s a good question; my history of trauma sounds so unbelievable that even I don’t even believe it.

I think it is easy to forget that humans normalize brutality.

2015 Washington Post op-ed headline: ‘End Obamacare, and people could die. That’s okay.

“The American Enterprise Institute’s  Michael Strain says in the Washington Post that if the government really cared about keeping people from dying the speed limit would be 10 miles per hour. The speed limit goes higher than 10 mph, so the government should be fine yanking health care from millions of people.”

To the GOP getting breast Cancer or diabetes is the same as driving fast and crashing into another car.

The only reference point I have for this absurd line of reasoning is from the film, Airplane, “I say let ’em crash!”

Mr. Strain goes on to say that, “In a world of scarce resources, a slightly higher mortality rate is an acceptable price to pay for certain goals.”

There they go again, discussing the citizens of the United States as if we were old farm animals ready to be put down; to massa there ain’t no difference between a slave and an old cow.

You can be damned sure that Mr. Strain ain’t laying his ass on the line to achieve those certain goals.

There is certainly no scarcity of resources for rich freeloaders.

But I’m not concerned about adults.

Adults are the problem and if a bunch of racists are so stupid that they blindly choose people who manipulate their misguided rage then I say let ’em crash!

But their children don’t deserve to die from an accident of birth .

No child deserves to die from poverty when our scarce resources are so easily and readily diverted to Dick Cheney and every other GOP hack who has cheated his way into Congress.

This is from a 2009 Los Angeles Times article on medical benefits for members and former members of Congress:

Before you read it, know that John Boehner’s net worth is $3,588,556.

“Given their choices, lawmakers can tailor coverage in a way most Americans cannot. If a child has asthma, for instance, a federal employee might opt for coverage that costs a little more but has a bigger doctor network and lower office-visit fees.

The plan most favored by federal workers is Blue Cross Blue Shield, which covers a family for about $1,030 a month. Taxpayers kick in $700, and employees pay the rest. Seeing a doctor costs $20. Generic prescriptions cost $10. Immunizations are free. There is no coverage limit.

Federal employees also enjoy a significant benefit denied the average American: There is no such thing as a preexisting condition, which keeps many sick people from obtaining insurance. Once hired, federal workers are eligible for coverage no matter their health, with no waiting period.”

LA Times 2009

I wonder where John Boehner ‘s name is on Michael Strain’s list of U.S. citizens we must sacrifice to his gods of greed and artificial scarcity?

So, how is it that there was no one to prevent the beating that day at the school bus stop?

I think this answers the question:

Liberal Hunting Liscense

(c) Rob Goldstein 2015-2016

Images based on images found on the internet, sources unknown.