B Goldstein July 2015
This post was inspired by a chat with Melinda at Looking for the Light about my alternate Bobby.
I’m depressed this weekend and I don’t think I’m alone.
I feel overwhelmed by life in the United States.
How sad to watch intelligent people defend the rise of cruelty, lies, and chaos.
The Trump Administration has declared war on human rights and the rule of law.
His cult members no longer recognize their brothers and sisters as human.
The United States has a sickness and it’s destroying our lives.
I’m going to take a short break this holiday because I need to take care of myself.
This is not an America I can celebrate.
How sad to progress this far only to come back to life as a dehumanized target in fear for his life.
After all these years, why does this still need to be said?
(c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved
One of my alternates is a 16 year old boy and the other is a
woman named Sara.
They know each other; Sara is a protector and Mother figure.
I found this letter from Bobby to Sara composed in 2010 with her reply.
I am surprised by the correspondence because I didn’t know
my alternates were friends and allies.
The logic of Dissociative Identity Disorder is that ‘split’ aspects
of the self are perceived as “other”.
I think that Sara was the first alternate, which means she
emerged in childhood.
She comes out when one of the younger alters feels threatened.
There are many letters filed under ‘Letters from Home”.
Most of these are from Bobby to Bob.
Bobby wrote this to Sara as a 15-year-old.
It is the only letter from Bobby to Sara.
Her reply follows this post.
i’m at battery park in Charleston watching an old guy with a
big box of crackers.
he’s feeding it to a flock of pigeons.
it reminds me of the story of exodus.
you reckon god threw manna at us a watched
sometimes i think life is magic but grown ups don’t
wanna talk about magic.
ok, so, i got a question:
let’s say one day u meet someone an this person sez they got alotta love for you an wanna do good by you but somethin’ dont feel right but you need to be loved an the dude seems straight up but there’s a shadow that you don’t really see but you know it’s there and it feels familiar.
but you don’t want to lose the love so u try to make room for the shadow by telling yourself it ain’t there, when bam!
you catch the dude in a lie, like when we was robby, with nasty secrets, an the cruel bruises and words that slice your soul.
so you try to talk about it cuz you wanna believe it’s all in your head so you say to the dude that says he loves you, you say: “i’m scared that somethin’ is wrong.”
right away he starts calling me names an saying i’m a hater an that i ain’t got no gratitude cuz most folks don’t even want to know me an i think, “damn! this feels familiar!”
the only person that will ever love me will leave if i try to talk about these shadows that are now everywhere so i get confused, cuz I really want it to be me, cuz maybe i’m imagining it, cuz maybe i’m a hater an everything about me is wrong.
sara, are those shadows really there?
and i got one last question about thinking life is magic.
how come when i say i think the world is made of magic folks tell me to get over it and grow up?