Powerful post from Life of an El Paso Woman
Stigma is a prefabricated negative assessment of a class of people
based on lies.
Internalized stigma destroys self-confidence and self-esteem.
People who believe they are unworthy expect less and accept less.
Do I feel shame over my illness?
But I don’t live there.
I remind myself that my culture has lied about people like me my entire life.
Everything it had to say about gay and bisexual men was a lie.
The only way to deal with institutional bullying is for the target to say no.
But it’s not enough to say no.
Before I move on to the point of this post I need to make the following disclaimers:
I don’t speak for everyone who has a dissociative disorder.
I am not an authority on dissociative disorders.
I don’t speak for everyone who has a mental illness.
I speak my mind without consideration for political affiliation.
I do not adhere to a political party or creed.
I don’t expect people to be perfect, but I do expect them to practice
what they preach.
If you are a Republican or Democrat who places your duty as a citizen above political party and religious dogma you have my complete support.
And to all of the no nothing skeptics who think they have the right to judge me I make the following statement:
You are not required to believe I exist; I do exist and I’m not shy about it.
My subjective experience of DID is simply that of losing time and memory.
My first response to any gap in memory is to try to fill it in with what I think may have happened.
This sometimes makes it look like I’m lying, but it’s really trying to fill the
This may be more obvious on social networks than in daily life.
The people in my daily life respond to the alters but don’t call them by name.
Bobby had a chat this morning with the landlady.
She enjoys his sense of play.
The alters come and go without being noticed by people who don’t live with me; they never announce themselves and they all think of themselves as the “real” me.
All parts of me are loyal and all parts of me remember people who treat
I don’t have alternates that secretly troll, hack or seek to hurt other people.
In fact, my alternates will unite out of love for someone.
I got a set of interesting questions when I won a Leibster award in 2014.
Here is how I would answer those questions today.
Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging in the fall of 2013. I tried to blog for a few weeks but didn’t have the focus or confidence, so I shut down the blog.
In the fall of 2014 I discovered a network of mental health advocates on WordPress. Reading their blogs gave me a sense of focus; in September of 2014 I re-opened the blog with The Chat.
I blog as a way to communicate with my therapist, but I know that publicly documenting a process so personal is a political act.
What has surprised you most about blogging?
That people support me and read my blog. I know I’m not a power blogger but I’m pleased that so many people read me so consistently.
What one thing would you change about your current life?
I want to have better symptom management skills.
What is one special thing from your childhood that you treasure?
My memories of my Grandmother.
What is one of your favorite things to do and why?
My alternates have their own focus. Mateo likes to build computers, Bobby likes to listen to music, Matthew is interested in religion, and I am interested in politics.
Most of my political stance is based on life experience.
I consider it cowardly to be silent when economic and social policies are designed to destroy people.
I think of my mind as proof of the human spirit.
It’s a quantum mind with different versions of me living
on separate timelines.
It offends me that HMO’s treat the brain like a second-rate organ.
I am a man of faith but I don’t believe in organized religion.
Our species has the gift of reason and when we use it we can see the mysterious.
Albert Einstein said;
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead —his eyes are closed. The insight into the mystery of life, coupled though it be with fear, has also given rise to religion. To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms—this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.”
That is one of the most spiritual comments I’ve read.
Look at evidence of the Quantum Universe and understand that what we call God is everywhere.
We may exist only because only because we think we do.
That doesn’t make our lives less sacred or meaningful.
(c) Rob Goldstein (c) 2015 All Rights Reserved.
First posted May, 31, 2015
Updated November 23, 2018
MRI Scan in the header from Wiki Commons
from Diary of a Recovering Codependent