EMDR Session 3: Closing the door

I’m now in EMDR treatment. This is how it feels.

blackspotsite

Monday means EMDR. It’s become a regular fixture of dread in my schedule. Although my therapy sessions with J are often tough, I rarely hate the idea of going there. But EMDR is different. It is gruelling and painful. There’s not much room for humour or to share the lighter moments in life.

Today Dr H and I were continuing to work on the intrusive image we focused on last week. I felt like I made some progress in the last session, managing to get my distress level associated with the image down to about a 3/10. This morning, Dr H asked me to go back to it and imagine being there again and we did more of the same. Repeated sets of eye movements, working through whatever feelings came up.

Last week there was a huge amount of fear connected with the memory. I kept crying because…

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What is PTSD? PTSD Awareness

This is excellent information and a great introduction to the “cues” that trigger the physiological responses that cause the emotional anguish of PTSD and CPTSD. And what I’m about to say is not meant to diminish the information on this chart.

This chart is based on the behavioral model, and thus recommends the short-term behavioral interventions that sometimes give long-term results for a small group of people. These short-term treatments also happen to be preferred by the HOMO’s that made Behaviorism central to the U.S. Mental Health System.

The treatment I don’t see on this chart is psychotherapy.

PTSD is not a behavior and in cases of severe PTSD behavioral interventions are useless. That’s not to say that minding your thoughts and reminding yourself to laugh don’t have their place. But I’m not a child. I’m a complex adult. I know how to behave. I want to know who I am under the PTSD as a person, and I need someone who understands that struggle. I’ve never met a behaviorist with the skill it takes to understand the struggle to find ones authentic self.