Pride 2017: We Are Family


If you live in San Francisco, June 24 is Pride Day.

I will be out all weekend loving life and taking pictures.

I dedicate this video to the men and women of the American Civil
Rights Movements
.

We are all religions, races and nationalities. We are gay, straight and transgender.

We will never return to our closets.

We are everywhere and we will never give up.

I chose “We are Family” by Sister Sledge because it’s a happy and
hopeful song.

I first made this video for Pride Month 2016.

We are always stronger together!

Now get up everybody and sing!

 

If I turned around every time somebody called me a faggot, I’d be walking backward – and I don’t want to walk backward.”
– Harvey Milk

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A Letter from Home: When My Alternates Talk to Each Other

For those who don’t know my blog, I have DID and a small family
of alternates.

One of my alternates is a 16 year old boy and the other is a
woman named Sara.

They know each other; Sara is a protector and Mother figure.

I found this letter from Bobby to Sara composed in 2010  with her reply.

I am surprised by the correspondence because I didn’t know
my alternates were friends and allies.

The logic of Dissociative Identity Disorder is that ‘split’ aspects
of the self are perceived as “other”.

I think that Sara was the first alternate, which means she
emerged in childhood.

She comes out when one of the younger alters feels threatened.

 

There are many letters filed under ‘Letters from Home”.

Most of these are from Bobby to Bob.

Bobby wrote this to Sara as a 15-year-old.

It is the only letter from Bobby to Sara.

Her reply follows this post.

dear sara,

i’m at battery park in Charleston watching an old guy with a
big box of crackers.

he’s feeding it to a flock of pigeons.

it reminds me of the story of exodus.

you reckon god threw manna at us a watched
us fight?

sometimes i think life is magic but grown ups don’t
wanna talk about magic.

ok, so, i got a question:

let’s say one day u meet someone an this person sez they got alotta  love for you an wanna do good by you but somethin’ dont feel right but you need to be loved an the dude seems straight up but there’s a shadow that you don’t really see but you know it’s there and it feels familiar.

but you don’t want to lose the love so u try to make room for  the shadow by telling yourself it ain’t there, when bam!

you catch the dude in a lie, like when we was robby, with nasty secrets, an the cruel bruises and words that slice your soul.

so you try to talk about it cuz you wanna believe it’s all in your head  so you say to the dude that says he loves you, you say: “i’m scared  that somethin’ is wrong.”

right away he starts calling me names an saying i’m a hater an that i ain’t got no gratitude cuz most folks don’t even want to know me an i think, “damn! this feels familiar!”

the only person that will ever love me will leave if i try to talk about these shadows that are now everywhere so i get confused, cuz I really  want it to be me, cuz maybe i’m imagining it, cuz maybe i’m a hater an  everything about me is wrong.

sara, are those shadows really there?

and i got one last question about thinking life is magic.

how come when i say i think the world is made of magic folks tell me to get over it and grow up?

Love,

Bobby

A Letter from Home: Dear Bobby

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I Live in Your Grave

Emptiness: a beginning and we are at war. That night we entered your womb; a deformed thing joined at the head: we would spit on you but you are dead and now I must drag your body; you are dead and I must sever your carcass from my skull.

Emptiness: an ending and I am your hostage; strapped to my seat, fearful, sweating, and terrified that I’m next.

Does this ecstasy of death include me?

I am death’s hostage; why does she ask me to join her when she cannot
say she wants me: when she will not give me the value of my life!

Who tallies the value of my life if not she?

Who is responsible for this relentless self-loathing?

You tell me I must love you as hatred seeps from your spirit into mine.

The pursuit of emptiness begins with the fabrication of a perfect lie,
honed to truth, and brutal in its deceptive honesty.

I must bear the humiliation of kneeling to beastliness.

Words and Text (c)Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved
 

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New Year’s Resolution / 1986

to be good and help everyone; like help the handicapped and low rent peoples; help ‘em out on everything.

stop smoking weed and be OK like, you know? Start believing more in the Lord, go to Church, and be perfect.

stop drinking and screwing so much ‘cause after 20 yrs the heart gives out.

stay cool now with the Valium an’ them other drug my docs got me on.

remember, they really helping alot!

 

Bobby Goldstein, January 01, 1986

Pet Shop Boys

Words and Image (C) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved