Dissociative Identity Disorder: Blogging While Dissociated

Stigma is a prefabricated negative assessment of a class of people
based on lies.

Internalized stigma destroys self-confidence and self-esteem.

People who believe they are unworthy expect less and accept less.

Do I feel shame over my illness?

Sure.

But I don’t live there.

I remind myself that my culture has lied about people like me my entire life.

Everything it had to say about gay and bisexual men was a lie.

The only way to deal with institutional bullying is for the target to say no.

But it’s not enough to say no.

Before I move on to the point of this post I need to make the following disclaimers:

I don’t speak for everyone who has a dissociative disorder.

I am not an authority on dissociative disorders.

I don’t speak for everyone who has a mental illness.

I speak my mind without consideration for political affiliation.

I do not adhere to a political party or creed.

I don’t expect people to be perfect, but I do expect them to practice
what they preach.

If you are a Republican or Democrat who places your duty as a citizen above political party and religious dogma you have my complete support.

And to all of the no nothing skeptics who think they have the right to judge me I make the following statement:

You are not required to believe I exist; I do exist and I’m not shy about it.

People Like Me
The Narrator and Mateo

My subjective experience of DID is simply that of losing time and memory.

My first response to any gap in memory is to try to fill it in with what I think may have happened.

This sometimes makes it look like I’m lying, but it’s really trying to fill the
missing time.

This may be more obvious on social networks than in daily life.

The people in my daily life respond to the alters but don’t call them by name.

Bobby had a chat this morning with the landlady.

She enjoys his sense of play.

The alters come and go without being noticed by people who don’t live with me; they never announce themselves and they all think of themselves as the “real” me.

All parts of me are loyal and all parts of me remember people who treat
them well.

I don’t have alternates that secretly troll, hack or seek to hurt other people.

In fact, my alternates will unite out of love for someone.

I got a set of interesting questions  when I won a Leibster award in 2014.

Here is how I would answer those questions today.

Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging in the fall of 2013. I tried to blog for a few weeks but didn’t have the focus or confidence, so I shut down the blog.

In the fall of 2014 I discovered a network of mental health advocates on WordPress. Reading their blogs  gave me a sense of focus; in September of 2014 I re-opened the blog with The Chat.

I blog as a way to communicate with my therapist, but I know that publicly documenting a process so personal is a political act.

What has surprised you most about blogging?

That people support me and read my blog. I know I’m not a power blogger but I’m pleased that so many people read me so consistently.

What one thing would you change about your current life?

I want to have better symptom management skills.

What is one special thing from your childhood that you treasure?

My memories of my Grandmother.

What is one of your favorite things to do and why?

It depends.

My alternates have their own focus. Mateo likes to build computers, Bobby likes to listen to music, Matthew is interested in religion, and I am interested in politics.

Most of my political stance is based on life experience.

I consider it cowardly to be silent when economic and social policies are designed to destroy people.

I think of my mind as proof of the human spirit.

It’s a quantum mind with different versions of me living
on separate timelines.

It offends me that HMO’s treat the brain like a second-rate organ.

I am a man of faith but I don’t believe in organized religion.

Our species has the gift of reason and when we use it we can see the mysterious.

Albert Einstein said;

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom the emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead —his eyes are closed. The insight into the mystery of life, coupled though it be with fear, has also given rise to religion. To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms—this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness.”

Albert Einstein, Living Philosophies

That is one of the most spiritual comments I’ve read.

Look at evidence of the Quantum Universe and understand that what we call God is everywhere.

We may exist only because only because we think we do.

That doesn’t make our lives less sacred or meaningful.

A digital portrait of a dissociative alternate named Bobby. The photo was taken by a different alternate named Mateo
Portrait of Bobby, 2012 – signed by Mateo before we started using a common name.

 

(c) Rob Goldstein (c) 2015 All Rights Reserved.

First posted May, 31, 2015
Updated November 23, 2018

MRI Scan in the header from Wiki Commons

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Homeless At Christmas

Some thoughts on Homelessness and Christmas

willowdot21

I  originally wrote  this in  December  2013  but it is  still relevant .

man-13-752x501Image  found  here 

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even  Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the…

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Psychological Abuse online is real and Not as Easy to Solve as Pressing the “off” Button

Bully Free Zone

 

People with trauma related mental health problems bring certain vulnerabilities to their
online interactions.

The same trigger responses that affect our online relationships just as they affect our
relationships in life.

My greatest vulnerability is a childlike faith in the goodness of other people.

It’s a symptom of my DID.

It invites people to try to take advantage of me.

I am also vulnerable to letting narcissistic bullies into my life.

Online abuse often takes the form of communications that are insulting,
threatening, devaluing, and mocking.
When the abuse happens online, the abuser is a cyber-bully.
Cyber-bullies target online activities, communications, and friends.
They will repeatedly send you unwanted messages or other kinds of communication.
They will try to intrude in your online activities and will actively defame you on
social networking sites.
They will gather information from your friends and encourage others to harass you, claiming to be harassed by you.
They will also approach your friends to get information about you or to create conflict in your relationships with others.
Abuse is always about control.
Abusers want to control the lives and actions of the people they target.
Abusers will also use alternate accounts on social networks to stalk and harass you.
From a “Healthy Place”
How to tell when you are dealing with online abuse:
Abusers will engage in:
  • Name calling or insults; mocking
  • Threats and intimidation
  • Ignoring or excluding
  • Isolating
  • Humiliating
  • Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim
     From Wikipedia
Male and female perpetrators of emotional and physical abuse show high rates of personality disorders, particularly borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder
What can you do to protect yourself?
From ABC News:
1. DO NOT respond to this person. Engaging with the bully often only makes matters worse. They feed off their victim’s misery and pain.
2. Make a copy of the message, photo, or video. The best way to do this is to copy the URL of the specific webpage where it’s happening.
3. Contact the website operators by phone, email and any contact submission forms that they have available on their site.
4. File a report with your local police department.
If necessary, file a complaint with the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). The IC3 is a partnership between the FBI, the National White Collar Crime Center, and the Bureau.
My personal suggestion is that you let your friends and contacts know what it happening and that you limit your online communication to people who are fully aware of the seriousness of cyber bullies and who will work with you to promote safety.

I also recommend that you keep screen-shots of all abuse email and texts.

In many ways I’m grateful to the bullies I’ve met over the past five years.

They have taught me that I am strong, and that I simply continue to be myself most
people will figure out the con.

Social media is a real asset for those of us who want to find ways to live past
the pain.

A bully’s pleasure is your silence.

Don’t give it to him.

RG 2014

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The Periodic Table of State Corruption | Represent.Us

How corrupt is your State? Not a single state scored higher than a “C” on corruption. An “F” was earned by 11 states.

Progressive Graffiti

Periodic Table of State Corruption Click on this image to get more info at Represent.Us

Not a single state scored higher than a “C” on corruption. An “F” was earned by 11 states.

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