Just Saying 18.12


Blog of a Mad Black Woman

When you have fought so hard to get back on your feet, don’t ever go back to the people who knocked you down.

~ Unknown

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Leadership and Narcissistic Personality Disorders

pathological narcissism is a pox on every aspect of our culture

quality health care please!

The label ilovemenarcissist or description as narcissistic has appeared in the current presidential campaign rhetoric.  Dictionary.com defines narcissism:

Inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
Synonyms: self-centeredness, smugness, egocentrism. 

Personality is the way a person views themselves and the way they emotionally interact with the world.  We all have a personality.  The first writings about personality were in the Renaissance.  In modern times psychologists have applied scientific methods to this difficult concept.

Psychologists have discovered some very important things about personality.

  1. Personality is persistent through adult life and is likely coded in our DNA.  Even animals have personality.
  2. The survival of a tribe may be enhanced by having members with different personalities.  Like members with confidence in themselves, members who are passive followers, or members who like consistency.
  3. People can have bits and pieces of different personalities which are called personality traits.
  4. Personality alone does not define a person psychologically.  Other…

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Eleven Fatal Flaws of the Narcissist: Women’s Edition

Male and female narcissists have similar symptoms but express them differently.

Men are more external in how they interact with the world; women are more interpersonal.

Both genders tend toward vanity and materialism, and both are pathologically dishonest.

In addition to the sense of entitlement, grandiosity and dishonesty of pathological narcissism, female narcissists often display characteristics common to histrionic personality disorder.

People with histrionic personality disorder regard things in an emotional way–and are attention seekers.

They are uncomfortable or feel unappreciated when they are not the center of attention.

They are lively and dramatic and initially charm new acquaintances by their enthusiasm, apparent openness, or flirtatiousness.

They commandeer the role of the life of the party.

Personal interests and conversation is self-focused.

They use physical appearance to draw attention to themselves.

Emotional expression is often shallow and rapidly shifting.

Their style of speech and writing is excessively digressive, illogical and lacks detail.

They have difficulty with tasks that need logic or analytical thinking.

Psychology Today

Female narcissists create conflict to make themselves the center of attention.

To a pathological narcissist, negative attention is better than no attention.

When people leave her,  the female narcissist will say it’s because she is too independent, feisty, strong-minded, intimidating and intelligent.

20 Identifiable Traits of the Female Narcissist

On the surface narcissists look like unbeatable monsters.

They’re not.

Pathological narcissism is a set of cognitive distortions.

A woman who worked for me in a mental health facility thought she was the most informed person in the facility.

She believed she knew more than the clinical team and openly ridiculed her peers.

The patients hated her and complained that she either ignored or berated them.

She terrified the rest of the staff.

As her supervisor my attempts to improve her performance or discipline her resulted in accusations of sexual harassment.

When I pointed out that I am gay the accusation changed to misogyny; because obviously gay men hate women.

I knew that was a danger to the patients and began to document every complaint and interaction.

One night I received a call from the facility; it was a patient who told me to listen.

He stood in the hall with his cell phone in his hand and I heard this woman loudly berate an elderly patient and threatened to discharge him to the street.

It was midnight.

I fired her, but not before she managed to undermine treatment for hundreds of under-served mental health clients over the course of four years.

These are the ten fatal flaws of the pathological Narcissist.

I base this list on personal experience.

For a more clinical understanding of narcissism I suggest Medical News Today.

Fatal Flaw #1:

She believes that she is superior to everyone and becomes arrogant toward people who disagree.

This feature of pathological Narcissism impairs intellectual functioning so that they are not truly smarter than everyone.

But they are good at getting away with bad behavior.

Anything they view as a negative assessment of their worth results in lies,  blame shifting and whisper campaigns.

Eventually the people around them see the pattern and the narcissist finds herself isolated.

Fatal Flaw #2

Being right is a matter of survival for a pathological narcissist.

Any contradiction of her point of view results in irrational outbursts of rage.

She will do everything she can to destroy someone she thinks is a threat to her control and there is nothing she won’t do.

Narcissists think they have a birthright to the kind of creative and professional credibility other people earn.

Frustration of their sense of entitlement results in narcissistic rage.

Eventually people see the pattern and move on.

Fatal Flaw #3

They project their faults and dump their shame on others.

The narcissist believes she is perfect and perfectly entitled.

She believes other people believe everything she says.

She also believes everyone is like her so she projects her failure and bad behavior onto other people.

The problem is that she cannot isolate and control everyone.

Once again, it’s a pattern of behavior that becomes obvious and
the people in her life move on.

Fatal Flaw #4

They lack insight.

Refusal to take responsibility for their actions is the defining feature of pathological narcissism, regardless of gender.

This is the source of their shamelessness.

Fatal Flaw #5

They expect their friends and family members to act as props to their grandiose
sense of superiority.

Healthy people resist and move on.

Fatal Flaw #6

They take pride in their vicious attacks.

A narcissist will boast about doing things other people find offensive. They will describe their humiliation of someone as if it is an act of courage.

Healthy people will have nothing to do with it; and eventually their enablers become targets of their scorn.

Fatal Flaw #7

Narcissists don’t mature with age.

Their sense of superiority makes it impossible for them to learn from their mistakes and like children, they continue to bully or seek revenge on people for imagined insults, or any talent that threatens their delusions of superiority.

The female narcissist is always the best and most deserving little girl in the world.

Fatal Flaw #8

Their conversations revolve exclusively around themselves, their projects and their achievements.

Fatal Flaw #9

People who fail to collude with the narcissist in her grandiosity and devaluation of other people are worthless.

The result is that their relationships are shallow and short.

Fatal Flaw #10

The Narcissist must have total control over the people in her life which includes what they think.

Fatal Flaw # 11:

The narcissist assumes everyone is devoid of insight and shame.

She becomes paranoid because she believes that other people are as vindictive as she is and are also out for revenge.

She will make up a conflict to restore a sense of equilibrium and to have a crisis to bring to her enablers.

She wanders from relationship to relationship and enabler to enabler because she always drops the mask and reveals the ugliness of her narcissism.

More that anything, Narcissists fear the shame of exposure.

Rob Goldstein (c) 2016


Behind the Scenes of a Narcopath Smear Campaign


Art by Rob Goldstein
In the Clutches of a Narcopath

Why does a Narcopath select a person as a target?

Sometimes it’s because the target refuses to yield to the Narcopath’s delusion of godlike superiority in all things.

Sometimes the target has made the mistake of having genuine talent.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with photo sharing sites, both Flickr and 500px have art groups organized by members.

On Flickr I administrate several such groups.

The groups are designed to showcase a particular kind of art or photography.

I received the following email from a co-administrator of one of those groups:

Art by Rob Goldstein
The Smear

The Email:

Hi Rob,

(blank) suggested we get your input on an email we received bout the (blank) group. This is from a photo artist we respect.

“Love your photos and you are such nice people…I hesitate to mention this…I am not a Flickr troublemaker, but thought you should know this. I see that (blank) has the second most photos in your group. Some time ago, a few of us discovered that she uses stock photos, wallpapers, etc but does not credit the source. Some are barely manipulated from the original but you can do a reverse search to see them.

A lot of us admins feel that this is not art or actual photography so we have banned her and delete her images from our groups.”

(Rob) WE have not decided what to do-we don’t really know anything about (blank) except the work.

We appreciate any thoughts you might have.

All best,

My reply:

My Answer

Hi (Blank),

Please be advised that there is nothing in this email that I would not be proud to say in the open.

I haven’t logged in to Flickr in weeks because of this kind of thing.

Here’s my take: It’s a whisper campaign designed to exclude someone who may be a fraud or who may be talented and therefore a threat to the ‘supply’ of faves that photo-gamers confuse with skill.

Having been the target of this kind of smear campaign more than once here is what I wish that people who get this kind of crap would do.

Look at the stream and then send (Blank) a copy of the accusation.

Judge for yourself what you think of her work…but give her a chance to defend herself.

If you agree that it is outrageous that anyone would be so nasty as to launch a smear campaign against one of your members, post the email to the discussions area as an example of behavior that will result in a ban.


There are three certainties in life on the Internet: Death, Taxes and a smear campaign from a sick and envious narcopath.