Yes Ma’am and yes Sir! With an exclamation point, nothing less!
I was thinking of a way to shake the last of today’s annoyances away, and get my usual Cyranny mojo back… And I told myself, what better way to get in a good mood, than to open The Cove’s door to everybody, set some extra chairs, make the best of the remaining Christmas lights, and throw a party? It is Saturday night by all means!
Hey! You can wear your fanciest glitter-dress, or just rock your comfiest pjs, no one will mind! So what do you say? Let’s do this!
I won’t keep rambling on here, I’m saving my energy for the mingling below! So here are the “rules”… Or so to speak;
Introduce yourself and your blog a little, for people who wouldn’t know you already.
Share links to your blog, and/or to friends of yours in the…
Our characters this evening are Eva Gabor and Inspector Eric Vornoff,
On a distant planet millions of silicone based life forms rise to make their giddy way to Los Angeles where they land as an innocent looking layer of dust.
Our scene opens with a wide-angle shot of an understated Hollywood
Torches light the way to gilded doors guarded by brass gargoyles.
As the doors open we see a horribly mutilated corpse, face down
beneath an ornate rug.
Enter Inspector Eric Vornoff:
Inspector Vornoff: By the Gods, it’s time you knew the truth of the events that transpired here without you knowing! Indeed, who knew silicone would lead to the horror face down before you on the floor.
Eva: More tea, Inspector Vornoff? (She stifles a laugh)
Inspector Vornoff: By the Gods woman! Yes!
Eva: Darjeeling is good for character confusion, darling.
Inspector Vornoff: Character confusion?
Eva: You are not playing Hercules, Darling. (She offers him tea) Drink this:
it’s made from the teabag of identity.
(Inspector Vornoff drinks the tea and blinks. Then he reaches into his
trench coat and for a notebook and pen)
Inspector Vornoff: Your cheeks, when did they go all floppy?
Eva: Last night I heard an explosion followed by the sound of plonging.
Inspector Vornoff: Plonging?
Eva: You know darling, like when your toilet is clogged, you plonge it
Inspector Vornoff: I see, (He jots this down in his notebook) continue.
Eva: I went back to sleep and when I awoke my cheeks were floppy
and this horribly mutilated corpse was on the floor.
Inspector Vornoff: Who is this horribly mutilated corpse?
Eva: It’s Porcelain, the maid.
Inspector Vornoff: And now my dear, I must ask you a personal question.
Eva: I won’t have sex with you!
(Inspector Vornoff rolls his eyes)
Inspector Vornoff: Is your face…natural?
Eva: Define natural, darling.
Inspector Vornoff: Were you born with it.
Eva: (snorts) No one is born with a face full of rocks!
(Extreme close up: Inspector Vornoff)
Inspector Vornoff: So you see dear friends. (Pan to corpse) A corpse with no bounce and no shine, and a woman without mass. It all has a terrible consistency, a diabolical design–
Eva: Aliens shucked my face.
Inspector Vornoff: Aliens shucked your face?
Eva: For the rocks, darling. (Eva bobby pins her cheeks to her hairline) It’s too sad.
(Enter the Hysterical Man)
The Hysterical Man: Are you Hercules?
Inspector Vornoff: Maybe yes, maybe no.
The Hysterical Man: (hysterically) I was rehearsing in the back of my limo, I have the lead in the Johnny Weissmuller story; it’s a fabulous opportunity! As I was reading the soliloquy, I heard a strange sound.
Eva: An explosion?
The Hysterical Man: Yes! And a plonger!
Inspector Vornoff: What happened?
The Hysterical Man (sobs) My chest is gone!
Inspector Vornoff: Let me see.
The Hysterical Man: (reluctantly opens his shirt)
Inspector Vornoff: By the Gods!
Eva: (offers the The Hysterical Man a few bobby pins): Do something
with those nipples, darling!
I know, I know, I’m hopeless at posting regularly! I really meant to put a new post up days ago but I’ve been doing a bit more rummaging through photos and papers in what the DH calls the Dad Archive.
As well as finding lots of army photos, I’ve come across paperwork from those days including the order of service when the Lovat Scouts were stood down in Greece, a lovely reference from his Commanding Officer and his Lovat Scouts cap badge.
I’ve not found any photos for the period from when Dad left the army to when he went to live on Islay where he worked for the next eight years. He took many, many photos on Islay including colour slides (not sure how to deal with them so happy for advice if anyone knows) and he loved life on the island. I think if it hadn’t been for…
The past two weeks has challenged me. I took several steps backwards with Lyme which has opened the door to the black dog. Music always soothes my soul, I’ve picked some great tunes and dedicated each one. Request lines are but phone is not ringing. I know you want your tunes played! Whisper in my ear, comment section open 24/7. Thank you for stopping by today, I always look forward to seeing you. M