Chit-Chat with a Narcissist

Narcissist on the phone, frantic: I left for a month without giving you the
money I owe you; why didn’t you remind me?

Me: Because you lie to me, then verbally abuse me when I confront you about it. I’ve already said I won’t contact you until you apologize for both in writing. 

Narcissist on the phone, a tone of concern: But you said you needed the money!

Me: Add gaslighting to the list of abuses for which I want an apology. Bye.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved

Dear Pathological Narcissist

Dear Pathological Narcissist,

It is not my job to make you feel good
about abusing me.

Therefore:

I will not pretend you don’t lie.

I will not pretend you’re moral.

I will not pretend you’re just joking.

I will not pretend you love me.

I will not pretend it’s OK for you
to destroy me.

I have the Right to have a Right to have the Right

I like to think of myself as a compassionate man but compassion
is difficult when one considers the damage people do on purpose.

How do we find compassion for people who, riven with envy, lie without hesitation, damage reputations, and steal the hard work of other people?

How do we find compassion for people who abuse their power, who insinuate themselves into the lives of others to control them and who take without giving back?

How does one forgive years of abuse from an alcoholic parent?

How does one forgive a friend who plays mind games designed to make you doubt yourself, who projects their failings onto you and who malignantly smears you to your friends and colleagues.

Trust is essential to effective communication and to the work of forging a working social contract.

Here is a brief list of behaviors I consider unforgivable:

Slander; especially hurtful gossip; when you maliciously smear the reputations of decent people you lose the right to respect and compassion.

Users; these are people who treat the generosity and resources of other people as if they are their due.

Emotional Abuse: it is unforgivable to target the weaknesses of
others for abuse.

Any intentional act or decision that results in the death of
a child.

Any intentional behavior that meets the definition of torture.

Blatant and intentional hypocrisy.

Any abuse of power that limits the resources and opportunities of
our children, our elderly and our disabled.

Any use of the Federal Government to empower racists.

Treason and collusion with treason.

How do we find compassion for the unforgivable?

Take away my family,
Take away the right to speak
Take away my point of view,
Take away my right to choose

(c) Rob Goldstein 2015-2017 All Rights Reserved

 

 

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Dissociative Identity Disorder: When Shame Becomes Pride

Dissociative Identity Disorder looks like a psychosis to people who don’t understand it or who think that all people with DID act like Sybil or
Norman Bates.

Yes, I hear the voices of my alternates.

But their voices are not hallucinations.

They are more like thoughts that sound external.

Each alternate has a function.

Virtual reality avatar that depicts an adolescent alternate named Bobby who is 16.
Bobby is 16, he holds ‘faith’.

Some alternates communicate autonomously with each other.

There are memory boundaries between alternates but over time these boundaries become ever more permeable.

“Dissociative identities exist in a third reality, an inner world that is visualized, heard, felt and experienced as real. This third reality is often characterized by trance logic. In trance logic, ideas and relationships of ideas about things are not subject to the rules of normal logic. Because (the alternates) are kept in separate compartments (of the brain), contradictory beliefs and ideas can exist together; they do not have to make sense. In the way, the internal world has many alternate selves that experience themselves as separate people. There is a pseudo delusional sense of separateness and independence.”

From Trauma and Dissociation

I don’t experience the inner world of my dissociative system as vividly
as the alternates that use Second Life do.

I’m Rob Goldstein.

I was born as an adult and I function as an apparently normal self.

That means that I smooth things over, I look and sound like an adult…albeit one that does not know how old he is.

I look at what comes out of Second Life and try to understand it, but I don’t.

It’s not my job to use Second Life.

My job is processing photographs and writing political essays.

This means is I know very little about the Second Life members of my strange inner Family.

I don’t feel anger. I don’t experience grief.

I wonder if I am made in the image of  Star Trek’s Spock.

A Screenshot of a male and female vatar on a star trek set in Virtual Reality
Space Madness

I think in terms of logic.

When asked by someone if I felt proud of the art made by my alternates I replied that it is illogical for me to feel proud of work produced by other people.

If one stays with the logic of Dissociative Identity Disorder the alternates are separate people with their own special place on my brain.

Think of my brain as a busy server.

This MRI scan shows an alternate switching to another alternate
This MRI scan shows an alternate switching to another alternate

I don’t often hear them but I can sometimes sense when one of them is going to take over.

Reading that Sara is the internal Mother is new information.

I did not know she used Second Life to recreate a scenes from the past.

I did not know she has a relationships with the child alternates.

I did not know they talk to her.

I did not know the children don’t trust the men in the system.

And I did not know Sara thinks that I and the other men in this system are
useless at protecting us from predators.

The little boy who imagined this elaborate coping mechanism was smart enough to create a good Mother.

Each time Sara takes them into Second Life and comforts them she corrects some of the damage done by the real Mother.

Sara gives them what they need.

When she stands up for them she also says that they are worth fighting for.

I cannot think of a child who does not need a parent or a parent figure who will fight for it.

The child invented a good Mother and gave her a place on his brain.

Advances in Brain Imaging 18 Fig. 2. Example of reduced regional cerebral glucose metabolism in the anterior temporo- frontal cortices in a patient with dissociative amnesia
Reduced regional cerebral glucose metabolism in anterior temporo-frontal cortices in dissociative amnesia

 

After seven years of intensive psychotherapy I can see that even with DID I am healthy, creative and strong enough to protect myself and thrive.

Never Keep Your Head Down

(c) Rob Goldstein 2015-2016-2017

 

 

 

 

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