I have the Right to have a Right to have the Right

I like to think of myself as a compassionate man but compassion
is difficult when one considers the damage people do on purpose.

How do we find compassion for people who, riven with envy, lie without hesitation, damage reputations, and steal the hard work of other people?

How do we find compassion for people who abuse their power, who insinuate themselves into the lives of others to control them and who take without giving back?

How does one forgive years of abuse from an alcoholic parent?

How does one forgive a friend who plays mind games designed to make you doubt yourself, who projects their failings onto you and who malignantly smears you to your friends and colleagues.

Trust is essential to effective communication and to the work of forging a working social contract.

Here is a brief list of behaviors I consider unforgivable:

Slander; especially hurtful gossip; when you maliciously smear the reputations of decent people you lose the right to respect and compassion.

Users; these are people who treat the generosity and resources of other people as if they are their due.

Emotional Abuse: it is unforgivable to target the weaknesses of
others for abuse.

Any intentional act or decision that results in the death of
a child.

Any intentional behavior that meets the definition of torture.

Blatant and intentional hypocrisy.

Any abuse of power that limits the resources and opportunities of
our children, our elderly and our disabled.

Any use of the Federal Government to empower racists.

Treason and collusion with treason.

How do we find compassion for the unforgivable?

Take away my family,
Take away the right to speak
Take away my point of view,
Take away my right to choose

(c) Rob Goldstein 2015-2017

 

 

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Dissociative Identity Disorder: When Shame Becomes Pride

Portrait of a female avatar made in Virtual Reality. She represents a female alternate in a Dissociative System known as DID.
The Protector Alternate, Sara

 

Dissociative Identity Disorder looks like a psychosis to people who don’t understand it or who think that all people with DID act like Sybil or
Norman Bates.

Yes, I hear the voices of my alternates.

But their voices are not hallucinations.

They are more like thoughts that sound external.

Each alternate has a function.

Some alternates communicate autonomously with each other and though
there are boundaries between alternates these boundaries can be permeable.

“Dissociative identities exist in a third reality, an inner world that is visualized, heard, felt and experienced as real. This third reality is often characterized by trance logic. In trance logic, ideas and relationships of ideas about things are not subject to the rules of normal logic. Because (the alternates) are kept in separate compartments (of the brain), contradictory beliefs and ideas can exist together; they do not have to make sense. In the way, the internal world has many alternate selves that experience themselves as separate people. There is a pseudo delusional sense of separateness and independence.”

From Trauma and Dissociation

I don’t experience the inner world of my dissociative system as vividly
as the alternates that use Second Life do.

I’m Rob Goldstein.

I was born as an adult and I function as an apparently normal self.

That means that I smooth things over, I look and sound like an adult…albeit one that does not know how old he is.

I don’t use Second Life because I think it’s cheesy.

I look at what comes out of Second Life and try to understand it, but I don’t.

It’s not my job to use Second Life.

My job is processing photographs and writing essays.

This means is I know very little about the Second Life members of this Family.

I don’t feel anger. I don’t experience grief.

I wonder if I am made in the image of  Star Trek’s Spock.

A Screenshot of a male and female vatar on a star trek set in Virtual Reality
Space Madness

I think in terms of logic.

When asked by someone if I felt proud of the art made by my alternates I replied that it is illogical for me to feel proud of work produced by other people.

If one stays with the logic of Dissociative Identity Disorder than these people who have their own special place on my brain are not me, even if everyone around me thinks they are.

This MRI scan shows an alternate switching to another alternate
This MRI scan shows an alternate switching to another alternate

I don’t hear them often but I can sometimes sense when one of them is going to take over.

Reading that Sara is the internal Mother is new information.

I did not know she used Second Life to recreate a scenes from the past.

I did not know she has a relationships with the child alternates.

I did not know they talk to her.

I did not know the children don’t trust the men in the system.

And I did not know Sara thinks that I and the other men in this system are
useless at protecting us from predators.

The little boy who imagined this elaborate coping mechanism was smart enough to create a good Mother.

Each time Sara takes them into Second Life and comforts them she corrects some of the damage done by the real Mother.

Sara gives them what they need.

When she stands up for them she also says that they are worth fighting for.

I cannot think of a child who does not need a parent or a parent figure who will fight for it.

The child invented a good Mother and gave her a place on his brain.

 

Advances in Brain Imaging 18 Fig. 2. Example of reduced regional cerebral glucose metabolism in the anterior temporo- frontal cortices in a patient with dissociative amnesia
Reduced regional cerebral glucose metabolism in anterior temporo-frontal cortices in dissociative amnesia

Unfortunately, I have a pathological need to understand everyone.

I give the most obvious narcissist every chance to behave decently.

And Mateo lets female narcissists intrude on his virtual space.

He won’t throw them out because he doesn’t want to be cruel.

Do you understand how crazy that is?

Mateo and I don’t want to hurt the feelings of pornographers, pedophiles, con-men, narcissistic abusers, back-biters and female sociopaths who
find sport in sabotaging our mental health.

We don’t want to hurt the feelings of malicious people who gleefully kick
us when we’re down.

This is what happens to a mind that must normalize barbarism.

For me and Mateo, danger is always invisible.

But not for Sara.

Perhaps it’s because Sara is female.

It is possible that Sara lacks an abused boy’s need to please his Mother.

Here is why she finally blew up:

Mateo opened their virtual studio in Second life to a narcissist who
took it over.

This narcissist trashed the Studio and refused to leave.

Then she set out to savage our reputations on Flickr and
had begun to do the same on Word Press.

Mateo was reluctant to remove her from the Second Life studio
because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Adult survivors of abuse don’t trust their own perceptions.

So, Sara emerged and threw everyone out.

It was the right thing to do because that Studio in Second Life
is an extension of our inner world.

Letting other people into it makes us vulnerable.

Sara did what was healthy.

And that is why my shame is now pride.

I can see that even with DID we are healthy and strong enough
to protect ourselves.

Never Keep Your Head Down

(c) RG 2015-2016

 

 

 

 

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Don’t cede your power

A few choice thoughts about narcissism

musingsofanoldfart

Several blogs have been focusing on the impact narcissists have had on their lives. These narcissists have controlled their lives through an overbearing presence which is built on a foundation of deceit and greed to elicit devotion and attendance to their needs. When the victim does not kowtow enough, the narcissist makes the victim feel he or she is to blame and lessens his or her standing.

An old friend who counseled teenage students at school would often say “Don’t cede your power.”You choose to react to situations, not others, so don’t give your control or power away. True, it is harder to do this with a narcissist, as the abuser is very adroit at making others feel they are at fault. Donald Trump accuses others of lying and cheating when he has lied and cheated at a record clip in his life and during the campaign and is on trial…

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Stalked_my tale of horror

Stalking is not a joke…it is a terrifying violation of another persons sense of safety.

Miss_Pretorius

I love using my personal experiences to get a point across as a) it’s easier to write about and b) it provides credibility to my work. I’ve had an interesting conversation with a male colleague yesterday about sexual harassment that women are subjected to on a daily basis and he agreed that some men “just ruin things for everyone”. About 2 years ago I went through something that I don’t wish on any woman, ever. It all started when he stopped next to me on my way to work. Firstly, do you honestly think that women should be flattered if and when you stop next to her in your vehicle? If we were, we’d all be “ladies  of the night” as that’s how it made me feel. Secondly, I don’t need a ride, did you see my hand stretched out with my thumb raised? If not, then don’t stop and…

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