Don’t cede your power

A few choice thoughts about narcissism

musingsofanoldfart

Several blogs have been focusing on the impact narcissists have had on their lives. These narcissists have controlled their lives through an overbearing presence which is built on a foundation of deceit and greed to elicit devotion and attendance to their needs. When the victim does not kowtow enough, the narcissist makes the victim feel he or she is to blame and lessens his or her standing.

An old friend who counseled teenage students at school would often say “Don’t cede your power.”You choose to react to situations, not others, so don’t give your control or power away. True, it is harder to do this with a narcissist, as the abuser is very adroit at making others feel they are at fault. Donald Trump accuses others of lying and cheating when he has lied and cheated at a record clip in his life and during the campaign and is on trial…

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Stalked_my tale of horror

Stalking is not a joke…it is a terrifying violation of another persons sense of safety.

Miss_Pretorius

I love using my personal experiences to get a point across as a) it’s easier to write about and b) it provides credibility to my work. I’ve had an interesting conversation with a male colleague yesterday about sexual harassment that women are subjected to on a daily basis and he agreed that some men “just ruin things for everyone”. About 2 years ago I went through something that I don’t wish on any woman, ever. It all started when he stopped next to me on my way to work. Firstly, do you honestly think that women should be flattered if and when you stop next to her in your vehicle? If we were, we’d all be “ladies  of the night” as that’s how it made me feel. Secondly, I don’t need a ride, did you see my hand stretched out with my thumb raised? If not, then don’t stop and…

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You see, it’s like the ending of ‘Psycho’

In therapy today we touched on the weird inner world of the pathological narcissist.

The one that swiped my Flickr group has opened a WordPress account
to fave my  blog entries.

I recognized her face from the Psycho looking selfie she uses as an avatar.

Art by Rob Goldstein
You see, It’s like the ending of Psycho

I said to my therapist, “I don’t follow her. In fact, because of my DID, I’ve mostly forgotten her.”

I know who she is and why we don’t speak but those memories are like the memories of a group of snapshots.

If you hurt me, I mostly forget you.

“So why is she doing this?” I asked.  “To get attention?”

You see, it’s like the ending of Psycho,” replied my therapist.  “Norman is gone and what’s left is his malignant narcissist of a Mother who thinks that not killing the fly will prove her good intentions. This Narcissist thinks that opening a WordPress account to give points to your blog demonstrates her goodness  It’s as if she’s saying, look at how kind I am, I’m not even swatting this fly.”

I laughed,  “So she adopts the public personae of a psychopath to show people how nice she is? Does she know it’s not working?”

No,” replied my therapist. “That’s what makes her a psychopath.

 

Narcissistic abuse: who is the real victim?

This following point also applies in spades if the narcissist is trolling social media for prey: “In any abuse situation, there is almost always more than just two people involved. At the core are the victim and the abuser, of course, but chances are good the abuser has convinced other people–including friends and family members of the victim–that the victim is the real abuser…”

Lucky Otters Haven

adult-workplace-bullying

Narcissistic abusers are great at charming people they want to impress, or those people they want to get on their side. When they have targeted an individual for abuse, they will stop at nothing to turn their friends, colleagues, even their families against them–and it’s not at all uncommon for them to claim that THEY are the ones being abused.   The process of using malicious gossip and lies to turn people against the victim is called triangulation and is well known in the narcissistic abuse community. Most of us who have been targeted by narcissistic abusers know all too well about triangulation and its close cousin, gaslighting. Both will be used in conjunction with each other to turn the victim’s potential allies against them, effectively isolating them and ripping away any support systems they could use later.

Those who have been turned against the victim by the narcissist are called

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