7 Limits to Set With A Malignant Narcissist Before You Go No Contact

Set these 7 limits with a narc before you go no contact, but only if you
feel confident and want to leave room to salvage the relationship.

1. I will no longer tolerate of your lies.

2. I will never pretend that you don’t lie to me.

3. I will never pretend that it’s acceptable for you
to treat me as if I’m blind and stupid.

4. I will never pretend that playing gaslight is not the
behavior of a psychologically abusive perp.

5. Your pathology is damaging to my health and I expect
you to learn to manage it.

6. If you want friendship with me behave the way a friend
behaves when caught in a lie: apologize.

7. You can make this right by writing an apology with a
promise that you will stop lying to me and about me.

Don’t expect the narc to be nice about this.

Narcs react to limit setting as if they’ve been shot.

That’s it.

Then go no contact until you get the written apology as requested.

One last thing: don’t expect an apology.

Infographic that details the traits of women who are pathological narcissists
Traits of a female Narcissist

 

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Breaking the Stigma

Meet Free to Be V

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Free to Be V

Growing up, society taught me that I should not disclose that I am an alcoholic or an addict; that my addiction is something I should be ashamed of. I heard this message every time someone described someone’s behavior to be that of a “crackhead,” every time someone talked about what a “drunk” someone was or called someone a “junkie,” and every time politicians on TV talked about the War on Drugs and promised every addict would be locked away in prisons for life.

I believed in this stigma for most of my life. I thought, as many people still do, that alcoholics were homeless people, living under bridges with nothing but a bottle in a paper bag. That drug addicts were criminals who only knew how to lie, cheat and steal. That is until I became one myself…

It’s because of this stigma that I refused to acknowledge I was…

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October’s Featured Blogger: Looking for the Light

Our featured blogger for October is blogger, artist and mental health advocate, Melinda Sandor of the Looking for the Light Blog.

Melinda is also the driving force behind SURVIVORS BLOG HERE, a collaborative of online mental health advocates who write and make art.

If you have questions about in joining the Survivors Blog, send a tweet to @SurvivorsBlog2.

Digital painting of a bridgr in muted tones by Melinda Sandor
Harbor Bridge by Melinda Sandor

When did you decide to start your blog?

I started my first blog, Defining Memories, in 2005 when my Granny had a stroke. Defining Memories was an outlet for the pain and frustration of caring for my grandmother.

Why did you name your blog the ‘Looking for the Light Blog’?

I wanted to find me. I have a psychiatric diagnosis, heart disease and for the last four years Chronic Lyme disease. To move beyond illness I decided to write about other topics. I am good at research and learning, so I started the ‘Looking for the Light’ blog.

Was the decision to be open about your history of abuse a difficult decision to make?

Writing about the trauma that caused my mental health problems is not painful. The response from other bloggers was amazing; I think sharing my worst moments might help someone else to hang on another day.

Do you see some of the stigma surrounding mental illness beginning to lift?

 In 1941, John F. Kennedy’s sister Rosemary suffered from an agitated depression. The procedure used to control her outburst was a Prefrontal Lobotomy. The surgery went wrong. At the age of 23, Rosemary was institutionalized. Her father never acknowledged her mental illness; she was called retarded. Today the stigma continues. Too many people see the fiction in movies as the truth. I want to scream when someone refers to ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’. People believe what their fed. I was scared of my first ECT treatment but not because a movie but because it was the first time. I have since had 22 ECT Treatments and can say each one was essential to my health. Am I going to cry why me, or blame or question God? No. I have to use the treatments that work and do my best.

A digital painting of a purple blossom
Flowers by Melinda Sandor

Is there a political dimension to your blog?

The ‘Looking for the Light’ blog is about education and advocacy. I get angry when politicians make uninformed decision that hurt people.

What advice do you have for bloggers who write about mental illness and trauma?

Write about what you know and be comforting. Most of us are not professionals so don’t tell people what to do but guide them to good sources of information. The best way to help others is to work on yourself, and avoid platitudes. The Sun will come out but not every day.   

Tell us a little about The Survivor’s Here.

The ‘Survivors Blog Here’ was born of frustration.  I believe in consistent focus on ones mission. I decided to turn the Survivor’s Blog Here into a group effort and invited other mental health bloggers who seemed to share the sense of mission to the group.

Thank you Melinda!

A Photograph of a lounger in front of full bookshelves
Melinda’s Study by Melinda Sandor

Looking For The Light Blog

Survivors Blog Here

All images (c) Melinda Sandor All Rights Reserved

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You Say I’m Your favorite drug?

You say I’m your favorite drug?

Then I will die with every dose,

So rush baby rush!

My illusions will never be more beautiful!

(c) Rob Goldstein, 1986

 

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