Chit-Chat with a Narcissist

Narcissist on the phone, frantic: I left for a month without giving you the
money I owe you; why didn’t you remind me?

Me: Because you lie to me, then verbally abuse me when I confront you about it. I’ve already said I won’t contact you until you apologize for both in writing. 

Narcissist on the phone, a tone of concern: But you said you needed the money!

Me: Add gaslighting to the list of abuses for which I want an apology. Bye.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved

Domestic Violence as a Weapon of War

Children raised by narcissists learn to shut-up and agree

We learn to normalize chaos.

Gaslighting is a mind game played by the most malignant kind of abuser.

This kind of abuser has no use for love or morality.

This kind of abuser must obliterate his target’s capacity for both.

This kind of abuser wants your mind.

Animated Gif found on Google of a young woman with the caption We're here to discuss your surrender
The Narcissist wants your mind.

As an abuse survivor I was instinctively aware that something was wrong with the way the press and Donald Trump treated Hillary Clinton during the 2016 election cycle.

From stalking Clinton during the debates to character assassination and threats of violence,  Trump’s campaign for President stank of psychological abuse.

That Access Hollywood Tape should have been the death of Trump’s campaign.

Reprocessed internet meme of Trump's comments regarding his sexual assaults on women
When a man shows you what he is believe him

At any other time in U.S. history a taped confession of sexual assault would be the death of a politician.

Yet, 62,984,825 voters thought Hillary Clinton was more corrupt and unqualified to be president.

Trump emerged from the cesspool of his political campaign with the power of the President.

Even if I factor in the fringe of the fringe right who would gladly destroy the nation to piss off liberals his win made no sense.

Then the leaks started and Trump fired Sally Yates and Comey.

Americans had the chance to listen to the concerns of the men and women who dedicate their lives to saving ours.

And those of us who were paying attention discovered that we are under attack by the Russian government in ways we can barely comprehend.

The best way to for an average person to understand the Russian hack of the U.S. 2016 election is the NATO Handbook of Russian Information Warfare.

Below is a copy of the handbook as a PDF file for you to read and download:

Handbook of Russian Information Warfare – NATO Defense College

Animated gif of Vadimir Putin saying :It's hard to believe that trump ran to a hotel to meet with girls of a low social class"
It’s hard to believe that trump ran to a hotel to meet with girls of a low social class.

From the New York Times:


The fundamental purpose of dezinformatsiya, or Russian disinformation, experts said, is to undermine the official version of events — even the very idea that there is a true version of events — and foster a kind of policy paralysis.

 

One way Putin’s achieves this goal is to deploy an army of internet trolls to overwhelm and derail legitimate public debate.

Their battlefields are Facebook and Twitter.

from the Atlantic, 2014

A June article by Max Seddon of BuzzFeed reported the Kremlin was spending millions of dollars to pay English-speaking Russians to promote President Vladimir Putin and his policies in U.S. media like Fox News broadcasting and The Huffington Post and Politico news sites. Trolls are reportedly expected to manage multiple fake accounts and post on news articles 50 times a day, often with sentiments as simplistic as “Putin makes Obama look stupid and weak!”

In order to promote its narrative, the Kremlin has adopted a two-fisted strategy, unleashing its troll armies even as it tightens Internet restrictions at home. On August 1, Russia enacted controversial new legislation aimed at muzzling social media, the last bastion of the country’s embattled opposition and a free flow of information about the war in Ukraine.

Anton Nosik, a popular Russian blogger and programmer who is sometimes referred to as the “father of the Russian Internet,” says the Kremlin is falling back on a time-honored strategy in its propaganda war on Ukraine. But this time, he says, the stakes are higher than ever before. (BuzzFeed reports that at least one trolling company—Internet Research Agency in St. Petersburg—is expected to spend more than $10 million in 2014 alone.)

These trolls are out in force in the United States and they aggressively attack anyone who challenges the Kremlin line.

Copy of a twitter direct message that says You Can't Be Christian and a Faggot
You Can’t Be Christian and a Faggot

My post, We are Human, was hit by trolls.

The following comment is an example of skilled online gaslighting:

Screenshot of a comment left on my blog post, We are human.
Gaslighting on the Internet, an example

Let’s break it down:

The writer appreciates my opinion and tells me what part of it is true. He asks for specific instances of Trump’s human rights violations because there are ‘so many’ (human rights) declarations.

The writer goes on to repeat the Kremlin line that all governments are cruel and corrupt and illustrates its point with the whataboutist fallacy that a fabricated crime by Obama negates my right to be outraged by Trump’s overt dehumanizing rhetoric.

The writer closes by dismissing my fears as an artistic exaggeration (i.e. elitist and crazy) and condescends to invite me to share more of my fears.

Whataboutism: a classic Soviet Era propaganda technique and Trump’s favorite trick:

 

Dismiss, distort, devalue and demean.

A meme about #gaslighting found on twitter
Distort, devalue and demean

Imagine a unit of the Russian Military and thousands automated trollbots dedicated to nothing but finding new ways to control your mind.

From Wikipedia, about Russia’s Web Brigades:

A collection of leaked documents, published by Moy Rayon, suggests that work at the “troll den” is strictly regulated by a set of guidelines. Any blog post written by an agency employee, according to the leaked files, must contain “no fewer than 700 characters” during day shifts and “no fewer than 1,000 characters” on night shifts. Use of graphics and keywords in the post’s body and headline is also mandatory. In addition to general guidelines, bloggers are also provided with “technical tasks” – keywords and talking points on specific issues, such as Ukraine, Russia’s internal opposition and relations with the West. On an average working day, the workers are to post on news articles 50 times. Each blogger is to maintain six Facebook accounts publishing at least three posts a day and discussing the news in groups at least twice a day. By the end of the first month, they are expected to have won 500 subscribers and get at least five posts on each item a day. On Twitter, the bloggers are expected to manage 10 accounts with up to 2,000 followers and tweet 50 times a day.

Putin’s gaslighting has the same strategic goal as a guy who psychologically abuses his wife.

He wants us helpless:

A page from the 2016 NATO Defense College Handbook of Russian Information Warfare
A page from the 2016 NATO Defense College Handbook of Russian Information Warfare

In most civilized nations psychological abuse is a considered a crime.

In Russia it’s a way of life.

Is this how we in the United States want to live?

Animated gif of Putin in a business meeting found online
Did everyone sign this agreement? I don’t see your name.

See President Puppet for another post on this topic.

Animated gif found online used for educational purposes
He Said Inarguably Vladimir Putin is a better leader than Obama

 And in closing:

Join a March to your polling place this November 6th.
Join a March to your polling place this November 6th.

Vote!

Some of the formatting of this post is inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, D. Parker, at yadadarcyyada.com . Give her a visit. 🙂

All images in this post except for the header are found online.

(c) Rob Goldstein 2017 All Rights Reserved,  revised October 2018

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Psychological Abuse online is real and Not as Easy to Solve as Pressing the “off” Button

Bully Free Zone

 

People with trauma related mental health problems bring certain vulnerabilities to their
online interactions.

The same trigger responses that affect our online relationships just as they affect our
relationships in life.

My greatest vulnerability is a childlike faith in the goodness of other people.

It’s a symptom of my DID.

It invites people to try to take advantage of me.

I am also vulnerable to letting narcissistic bullies into my life.

Online abuse often takes the form of communications that are insulting,
threatening, devaluing, and mocking.
When the abuse happens online, the abuser is a cyber-bully.
Cyber-bullies target online activities, communications, and friends.
They will repeatedly send you unwanted messages or other kinds of communication.
They will try to intrude in your online activities and will actively defame you on
social networking sites.
They will gather information from your friends and encourage others to harass you, claiming to be harassed by you.
They will also approach your friends to get information about you or to create conflict in your relationships with others.
Abuse is always about control.
Abusers want to control the lives and actions of the people they target.
Abusers will also use alternate accounts on social networks to stalk and harass you.
From a “Healthy Place”
How to tell when you are dealing with online abuse:
Abusers will engage in:
  • Name calling or insults; mocking
  • Threats and intimidation
  • Ignoring or excluding
  • Isolating
  • Humiliating
  • Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim
     From Wikipedia
Male and female perpetrators of emotional and physical abuse show high rates of personality disorders, particularly borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder
What can you do to protect yourself?
From ABC News:
1. DO NOT respond to this person. Engaging with the bully often only makes matters worse. They feed off their victim’s misery and pain.
2. Make a copy of the message, photo, or video. The best way to do this is to copy the URL of the specific webpage where it’s happening.
3. Contact the website operators by phone, email and any contact submission forms that they have available on their site.
4. File a report with your local police department.
If necessary, file a complaint with the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). The IC3 is a partnership between the FBI, the National White Collar Crime Center, and the Bureau.
My personal suggestion is that you let your friends and contacts know what it happening and that you limit your online communication to people who are fully aware of the seriousness of cyber bullies and who will work with you to promote safety.

I also recommend that you keep screen-shots of all abuse email and texts.

In many ways I’m grateful to the bullies I’ve met over the past five years.

They have taught me that I am strong, and that I simply continue to be myself most
people will figure out the con.

Social media is a real asset for those of us who want to find ways to live past
the pain.

A bully’s pleasure is your silence.

Don’t give it to him.

RG 2014

Save

Save

Save