A Flight of Ideas: Secret Obscenities

Life wept and sent me into crisis.

An arm around my shoulder, the doctor gave counsel:

He says, if I take my pills, I will forget my grief, I will be happy.

He says, the Lord is in my heart, if I search it, I’ll find him, and he’ll save me.

He says, if I climb the right steps, I’ll be normal, if I talk about it: this thing I can’t mention.

My lies are those of one who doesn’t trust, and so I fear
that unless the lying stops, I will —

become the prank who attends his own funeral, mingling
with the mourners, and whispering secret obscenities.

(c)text Rob Goldstein 1984, image Rob Goldstein 1917

You Must Have Been a Sensational Baby, I Said

More cuts from the 1986 reading with Harold Norse at
San Francisco’s Jewish Community Center.

In this post Norse reads, ‘You Must Have Been a Sensational Baby’ .

I owe these performance tapes to my best friend, Kit.

Kit showed up and recorded all of my performances, even when he
was sick.

 I’ll Be Seeing You – In Memory of Kit –

The sketch of Norse is a scan of the inside cover of my copy of his
collected poems, Carnivorous Saint.

I describe  the night I bought Carnivorous Saint in a post I wrote
about Norse for Pride Week 2016.

Heroes of the Revolution: Harold Norse

Portrait of Rob Goldstein based on a photo by Nina Glaser.
Portrait of Rob Goldstein based on a photo by Nina Glaser. I wore black for most of the 1980’s as an expression of mourning.

You Must have Been a Sensational Baby

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Stephanie

I’ve blogged about the weird experience of finding journals
written by different alternates in the 1980’s and 1990’s.

Journals I have no memory of writing.

I’ve recently found a box of audio taped spoken word
performances by Rob Goldstein from the 1980’s.

I know intellectually that I am Rob Goldstein but it’s
the estrangement from that part of myself that makes
listening to these tapes so weird.

I stared at them for six weeks before I ordered
a cassette to mp3 converter.

It took another two weeks for me to use the damned thing.

I listened to a few of the tapes today and I’m shocked.

I have no memory of these readings.

In fact, I have no hard copies of some of the writing I
performed as Rob Goldstein.

Here’s a a short piece named ‘Stephanie’ from a public reading in 1984.

I was in my late 20’s.

This story about Stephanie may be true.

Stephanie
Written and performed by Rob Goldstein
(c) Rob Goldstein 2016 all rights reserved

 

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