Happy Birthday Daddy 1940-1992

from the Looking for the Light Blog

Looking For The Light

The morning after you killed yourself we went to secure the house. I knew immediately you suffered slowly. Among the papers, trash and clothes I found your lock box. The divorce paperwork to my mother, every card I gave you as a child. I found the pad you were writing on. Your Bible on coffee table, dried tears as you read Job.

The note had 11:30 a.m. written in corner. I could see you called your best friend and the phone number to a suicide line. There were words and a drawing that made no sense. Granny paralyzed, crying, asking why. The house ransacked, not sure anything made sense to her.

Dirty dishes piled high, nothing in refrigerator, how did you live like this, how long? You phoned me several times in the months before your death. Delusional and highly paranoid each time. Someone was tapping your phone, they were trying…

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DV Awareness Day #3: Various Abuses– Treated With A Shrug

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

Image result for emotional abuse

For October’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I will be writing and sharing postings about abuse and it’s damage.  I encourage each of you to notice the warning signs and report abuse!

Various abuses…
are treated with a shrug…
as many ignore the warning signs…
like dirt pushed under a rug.
For if you don’t see it…
then you can pretend it’s not there…
but in it’s aftermath…
it appears you really didn’t care.

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EMDR Session 3: Closing the door

I’m now in EMDR treatment. This is how it feels.

blackspotsite

Monday means EMDR. It’s become a regular fixture of dread in my schedule. Although my therapy sessions with J are often tough, I rarely hate the idea of going there. But EMDR is different. It is gruelling and painful. There’s not much room for humour or to share the lighter moments in life.

Today Dr H and I were continuing to work on the intrusive image we focused on last week. I felt like I made some progress in the last session, managing to get my distress level associated with the image down to about a 3/10. This morning, Dr H asked me to go back to it and imagine being there again and we did more of the same. Repeated sets of eye movements, working through whatever feelings came up.

Last week there was a huge amount of fear connected with the memory. I kept crying because…

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7 Ways to Silence Survivors

The only thing more painful than the rape is being told to ‘just get over’ acts of abuse that shattered your life.

Talking of incest

Hello Friends

The 7 ways to Silence Survivors of incest represents recurrent themes that play out within families of Survivors once they’ve disclosed what happened. I’ve become aware of these themes over the years from talking to other Survivors and thought I’d illustrate them with my own story in the hope that it will resonate with you.  (My guess is that the “7 ways” will resonate with all Survivors of all types of childhood sexual abuse and survivors of sexual abuse in adulthood too.)

These responses from family members are understandable because they relate to the ways in which family members try to protect themselves and the family unit. It’s understandable because non abusing family members are secondary victims of the abuse, and now they must do everything in their power to protect themselves. This means everything right up to and including ostracising the original victim.

Such behaviour is indeed understandable; and I find it is helpful for me…

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