Mental Health: When the Narcissist is Normalized

In this post I use ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ because my subjective experience is that of multiple separate people.

The children of pathological narcissists must blind themselves to behaviors that healthy people consider unspeakable.

Food deprivation, the killing of pets, theft, forced sex, gaslighting and other forms of psychological abuse and the threat of psychological annihilation.

The child of a narcissist must have no dreams of his own, and no vision of life without the clinging demands of a parent or parent surrogate who is essentially a two-year old without mercy.

My Mother despised my intelligence and did everything in her power to kill it.

I normalized her contempt and used Dissociative Identity Disorder to save my mind.

My talents became a boy named Peter who only emerged when Mother was gone, or when he was with his Grandmother with whom he felt safe.

A male who must contend with a female pathological narcissist is at a disadvantage in this culture because the assumption is that the male always has power.

This assumption doubles the power of a female narcissist.

My Mother used her advantage as a ‘helpless woman’ to destroy my Father, who ultimately lay down and died.

My Mother’s threat to me was if I wasn’t ‘careful’ I would end up like
my Father.

VR photograph of two male avatars, one who stands in front of a mirror and the other who is emerging from it
People Like Us

We’re still blind to most narcissists but we are now alert to certain clues.

A narcissist is usually charismatic, charming, flattering and warm.

My Mother was a waitress at a greasy spoon.

When she worked she was on stage.

Everyone loved her.

A narcissist looks vulnerable and reserves for herself the right to pass judgment on others. This is not the same as learning another person’s strengths and weaknesses.

The people who loved my Mother were dismissed as undeserving trash.

The suggestion that she might be one of them was the same as asking
for a beating.

A narcissist traffics in envy and in her mind everyone wants what she has.

If the meaning of a word doesn’t suit her she changes the definition.

Vicious beatings are acts of love.

Letting guys rape me is getting me ‘straightened out’.

A narcissist never gets the attention she thinks she deserves.

My Mother often provoked my Father to violence.

One night he loaded us into the car and drove to Reynolds Ave, North Charleston, SC.

Reynold’s Avenue was where the sailors in Charleston went to play.

My Father got out of the car.

I saw my Mother through the open door of a bar.

She was sitting on some guys lap.

My Father dragged her out of the bar by the hair and beat her in the street.

My memory goes blank after this.

The point is that his reaction to her behavior was an excuse for her to call her Mother and beg to come home to New York.

Her family pulled together the money to set us up in an apartment in Queens.

My Mother took us back to Charleston after three months.

A narcissist takes without giving back.

Whatever you give is simply her due.

The narcissist is a rhinestone among rhinestones; a glittering fake.

Today I am a diamond among diamonds, some big and some small.

I still don’t know my worth, but I know I’m real —

— and I’m very glad to be here.

Rob Goldstein 2015-2019

 

 

This is What a Christian Looks Like

“Dr. Martin Luther King was pastor of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, when he was twenty-five years old, in 1954. As a Christian minister, his main influence was Jesus Christ and the Christian gospels, which he would almost always quote in his religious meetings, speeches at church, and in public discourses. King’s faith was strongly based in Jesus’ commandment of loving your neighbor as yourself, loving God above all, and loving your enemies, praying for them and blessing them. His nonviolent thought was also based in the injunction to turn the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount, and Jesus’ teaching of putting the sword back into its place (Matthew 26:52). In his famous Letter from Birmingham Jail, King urged action consistent with what he describes as Jesus’ “extremist” love, and also quoted numerous other Christian pacifist authors, which was very usual for him. In another sermon, he stated:

“Before I was a civil rights leader, I was a preacher of the Gospel. This was my first calling and it still remains my greatest commitment. You know, actually all that I do in civil rights I do because I consider it a part of my ministry. I have no other ambitions in life but to achieve excellence in the Christian ministry. I don’t plan to run for any political office. I don’t plan to do anything but remain a preacher. And what I’m doing in this struggle, along with many others, grows out of my feeling that the preacher must be concerned about the whole man.

—King, 1967″

10 Harsh Facts

1. More black men are behind bars or under the watch of the criminal justice system than there were enslaved in 1850. Michelle Alexander

2. Legal is not the same as moral or right.

3. A great sex life is not the same as a great love life.

4. One can only be an individual in a social setting.

5. If you decide to live as a digital doll, don’t expect grown ups to respect
you for it.

6. If love is like an itching in your heart, it’s not love

7. The only real sin is making others suffer.

8. Looking young is not the same as being hot.

9. There’s more to life than being alive.

10. One in Four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before age 18.

Rob Goldstein 2015 -2019
Revised June 2019

Rob’s Weekly News Wrap-Up – 4/19-4/26: On a Personal Note

Following the news this week was intellectually challenging and emotionally exhausting.

I’m not a lawyer or a trained journalist, I have problems with memory and concentration, but I am determined to decide what I think of The Mueller report by reading it.

The Mueller Report describes a lawless president intent on obstructing the the legitimate investigation of an attack on the people of the United States.

A Page from Robert Mueller's Report to Congress
A section of Robert Mueller’s Report to Congress regarding trump’s attempts to obstruct his investigation.

The Report describes this attack as meticulous and psychological.

Russia used the personal data and psychological profiles of over 87 Million Americans to target specific groups of people with appeals to tribalism and fear.

The Internet Research Agency built Facebook communities across the political spectrum, but targeted Clinton in all of them. Mueller’s report lists conservative groups like “Being Patriotic,” “Stop All Immigrants,” “Secured Borders,” and “Tea Party News”; black social justice groups like “Black Matters,” “Blacktivist,” and “Don’t Shoot Us”; LGBTQ groups like “LGBT United”; and religious groups “United Muslims of America.”

“Main idea: Use any opportunity to criticize Hillary [Clinton] and the rest (except Sanders and Trump — we support them),” IRA operators told specialists. BuzzFeed.News

According to the University of Oxford’s Computational Propaganda Research Project the Russian attack began in 2013:

Oxford’s Computational Propaganda Research Project

No lie about Clinton was too absurd:

Wikileaks BOMBSHELL Reveals that Hillary Clinton Murdered Vince Foster!

No racist attack was too base:

 

Screenshot of antisemitic propaganda produced by the Russian Internet Research Agenc
Antisemitic propaganda produced by Russia’s Internet Research Agency

In 2016 I saved hundreds of screenshots of the propaganda campaign deployed by the IRA.

What kind of President blocks his government’s investigation of an enemy attack?

Based on the emerging evidence, Trump is an idiot if he genuinely believes he’s a legitimate president with a mandate, and if he’s one of Putin’s useful idiots, my guess is his strategist is the Kremlin’s top handler.

The House and Senate GOP know what Trump is, but they’re useful idiots too.

What comes next is up to us, I don’t like it, I’d rather think about and do other things, but I won’t belong to the generation that killed American Democracy.

This moment is not about winning a game.

This is moment is not about our feelings.

This moment is a reckoning with the facts and history will damn those who choose to ignore them.

I believe in a God that expects humanity to use reason and science to nurture and fully inhabit creation.

To do this we need a civilized world order governed by leaders who respect and protect the rule of law regardless of political and religious affiliation.

With Trump as President, Russia is free to continue to attack our minds, and the gaslighting will only get worse as we head into the 2020 campaign.

Here is a link to the Mueller Report, please read it and pass it on.  Below are a few the videos I liked this week

Know your first amendment rights on the internet:

Learn lateral reading, use multiple tabs in your browser to look stuff up and fact check as you read. Real-time fact-checking can help you figure out what’s real and what’s not on the internet.

 

Ageism: Why do we treat old people like babies?

 

A History of LGBT rights at the UN

 

The Creative Process: Leonard Nimoy on developing “Star Trek’s” Spock character

 

Rob Goldstein, 2019